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Ugly in the summer

14 replies

AnotheChinHair · 04/06/2019 07:32

That's me.
Summer is my worst season, not so much in the UK, but when I go on holiday, I look hot, bothered, red, my skin goes all upset and blotchy, my feet and fingers swell, my hair looks absolutely disgusting, a frizzy mess... It really annoys me and makes me look forward to September when I can scrub up pretty well as long as I'm fully clothed.

Anyway. Once again I'll be spending a large part of August in a hot and humid country. How can I minimise the ugliness?

My hair is a huge factor. It usually looks pretty good as I blow dry it daily but in humidity it becomes and ugly frizzy mess as it's quite fine. Should I do a Brazilian?

What about my skin?
What about the edema?

OP posts:
purplefig · 04/06/2019 09:24

Is your hair naturally curly? If so, you might like to look into the Curly Girl Method (loads on google).

It sounds like your skin doesn't like the sun (I hear ya!) so why not cover it up with chic, looser fitting clothes e.g. kaftans, billowy maxis, shirt dresses etc. + floppy hats and sunglasses. Alternatively, and I haven't tried this, but you might want to try a professional fake tan? I'm not a fan personally, but I know they help a lot of people with summer confidence.

Do you do anything for your edema? It looks like massage, movement, salt reduction etc. can all help (just had a quick look on googles). If it's always a problem, I'd probably stick to longer clothes (e.g. maxi skirts and dresses) that don't draw attention to that area.

BusterGonad · 04/06/2019 09:55

For your skin I think you need to use a specialist skin care brand/sun lotion brand. You need something ultra gentle and dare I say, a bit pricey. I always get swollen fingers and believe the more water you drink the less this will happen.
I like to wear jersey dresses/t shirt dresses. They are so easy to get about in. Look good as they don't crease and can be dresses up a bit.

Miseryisabutterfly · 04/06/2019 10:01

Have you tried taking antihistamines for your skin? I’m prone to rashes and redness in the summer and they really help me.

millythepink · 04/06/2019 11:33

You sound very similar to my friend. Last summer she decided enough was enough and went full on, weaponised attack.

She had her eyebrows microbladed, LVL lashes and semi permanent eyeliner. So she didn't have to use any make up yet her eyes always looked done with no matter how hot it got. She also used a facial gel that is specifically for facial sweating, can't remember the name but she got it off Amazon and it was a game changer.

She had the Brazilian blow-dry which tamed her frizzy hair by about 90% even on the most humid days.

It cost quite a lot but she says it was worth every penny because it was the first summer she could remember when she felt comfortable and happy in her own skin.

AnotheChinHair · 04/06/2019 12:55

My hair is nothing specific anymore. It doesn't curl, it has one or two decent waves at the front and the rest is just rubbish, but when I blow dry it straight, it looks really nice. That is until humidity spoils everything.

It doesn't help that I'm short and carrying extra weight (nearly 1st), so it's difficult to look good in kaftan and maxi dresses. I am usually a size 10 but these days I am more a 12. My legs are my worst feature. I don't look good in flat shoes,shorts, mini dresses...

I do drink a lot of water, but the holidays can be tricky, being out and about and not always in close proximity to toilets.

I will turn 50 at the end of the summer, although I probably look early 40s (just let me keep kidding myself for a little longer), and I really could do with looking and feeling good.

I sound disgusting but I honestly think I look okay when fully dressed Smile.

I think yes, definitely a Brazilian. Not sure I'm brave enough to have anything permanent done to my face...

OP posts:
purplefig · 04/06/2019 14:02

"I sound disgusting"
"How can I minimise the ugliness"
"my hair looks absolutely disgusting"

@AnotheChinHair I am saying this with total kindness, but I think more than anything you could benefit from working on your self-esteem. Your self-talk is pretty mean, no wonder you're feeling so rotten.

EatenByDinosaurs · 04/06/2019 15:30

I second purplefig, I don't think you'll ever feel good unless you start treating yourself more kindly.

Start small and nip any negative self talk in the bud, every time you look in a mirror pay yourself a compliment, even if its "fantastic job on the mascara today self, very neat and tidy". Break the habit of taking down to yourself, enough people in on he world will criticise, build your self up instead.

On a practical advice line, I find green tea is a miracle worker for edema. I read about it on here and tried it and its fantastic for any and all kinds of swelling and bloating. I take a travel cup on holiday so I can take some out for the day. Tastes grim imho but really works.

For hair I have my hair in a different style, I live in a hot place, but its not humid here, but when I'm on holiday I go for the tied back and sunglasses on head look.

I also slick my hair back, tie it up and spray/mousse any flyaways into the next reality and give it ten minutes. Then I untie my hair and style as normal, that seems to really work to stop the fuzzy look.

AgathaF · 04/06/2019 15:37

Yes to a brazillian blow for your hair. I use the one off Amazon and it transforms mine.
Drink plenty of water/fluids to minimise oedema. Reduce salt intake too and minimise alcohol, at least in the day time.
Test out light weight foundations now for one that stays put in humid conditions. Then when away, foundation, face powder and waterproof mascara. You can get facial anti-perspirants too if necessary, but a decent foundation will probably be enough.

AnotheChinHair · 04/06/2019 15:43

I am pretty down on myself at the moment, I can't deny it; I can't even look at my own reflection, I don't recognise what's in front of me...

OP posts:
EatenByDinosaurs · 04/06/2019 16:29

Its really sad hearing you speak about yourself like that, it can be a really difficult rut to get out of, but changing the way you talk to yourself can make so much difference.
I struggled for years but its the one thing which has made the single biggest difference to my mental health.

So which bits of yourself do you like? Any saying none isn't allowed Wink

AnotheChinHair · 04/06/2019 16:57

I think my main issue is that I am heavier than I've ever been and I feel very uncomfortable with it. I am between a size 10 and 12 which doesn't sound much but I am only about 153cm tall, so pretty short. Like I said earlier, fully clothed and wearing high chunky heels I look okay, even nice sometimes. But honestly the summer is such a problem as I can't find clothes and footwear I look good in and feel comfortable with. And my hair, oh my goodness my hair.

OP posts:
EatenByDinosaurs · 04/06/2019 17:14

No, I understand that, I'm losing weight at the minute, I'm tall and I hide weight quite easily, but I don't feel comfortable being heavier.

I'm not saying you should, or need too, but if being heavier is the main thing which is making you unhappy, is losing weight an option?

Have you tried a personal shopper session to see if there are styles you haven't considered which you may love? You could ask them to focus on hot weather/holiday wear.

sergeilavrov · 04/06/2019 17:29

I have no doubt that you are an absolutely beautiful person, and I hope you have a fantastic time this season.

I spend a lot of my time in a surprisingly humid Middle Eastern country, and have done so for the best part of the last decade. Here are my tips below, but remember - in hot countries, everyone is in the same boat. People are far too worried about themselves to be looking at you I promise! The biggest sweat patches are absolutely acceptable here, even in very formal events - it's just a part of life.

Frizzy Hair
I wash my hair every day, and finish it off with a wet brushed in intense silver conditioner (I'm a blonde, but I'm sure you can find the equivalent if you're not.) Once your hair is conditioned, use a waffle towel to squeeze dry, reducing the moisture in it that can react with the heat.

Experiment with having your hair up for longer periods of the daytime, practice a casual up-do that makes you look elegant while keeping your hair out of your way.

I have fine hair, so haven't used a Brazilian, but many of my friends and colleagues do these regularly with a professional and it works!

Skincare

Mitchum Ultimate Powder Fresh Gel for underarms, or if you're particularly sweaty (no shame!) try Tawas powder/Alum stone on your underarms.

If the difference between hot, humid outside and dry, cool inside gives you dry skin, try cool showers instead of hot and use a decent moisturising body wash and moisturiser within 10 minutes of getting out of the shower.

If the redness is from heat rash, try using a toner. A friend of mine gets red blotchy skin in the heat (all year round!) and she uses Collodal C Oatmeal toner. I don't think its too expensive, just difficult to find in the region so I'd bring it to wherever you're off to!

For makeup, get a decent setting spray because cosmetics MELT off your face. I thought it was impossible until I tried Urban Decay Allnighter. Just get yourself a good facial moisturiser and primer to prevent the alcohol drying your skin. I'm in a different age bracket so what I use might not be the best for your skin type, but my go to routine is Kiehl's Gel Cream, then a Smashbox Photo Finish primer. I use Sunday Riley Toner in the evenings as part of my cleansing routine. I always carry round a mini makeup kit for touch ups, makes me feel more confident.

Body

You may find that maxi dresses can trap the heat and make things a bit sweaty - try a midi dress that cinches your waist and draws attention to what I'm sure are beautiful features! You can accessorise with a cardigan if things start to cool down in the evening, and wedges will give your legs definition without presenting a health and safety threat. Get yourself some big sunglasses and pretend to be a celebrity if you start feeling self-conscious. You might find that the slight separation the dark lenses give you is enough to change your perception of the environment.

I struggled with self-esteem around my body since I was a teenager, and found that I'm happiest with myself when I'm enjoying myself. Every time I have negative thoughts, I snap an elastic band on my wrist and do something else. That could be starting a new conversation, or getting a drink, or checking something online. Just something to distract me. I spent far too much of my life believing I was disgusting, and while I'm definitely still working through this - it's just time I've wasted not enjoying myself.

You also might be surprised about how your eating patterns change in hot, humid weather. I love going for olives, maybe a bit of seafood on ice, a glass of white wine and perhaps some pistachios on balmy evenings. I try to swap some of this for a fruit platter, but I'm not always successful. This can mean more salty food being consumed, which can lead to water retention and bloating - but the bottom line is, you're living your life and enjoying yourself and everyone around you is too!

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