Advice on how to talk with hairdresser

[hairtodaynolonger]

I'd like to ask for your advice as I think my hairdresser and I are talking at cross purposes and I would like to find the right words to fix this.

When I was younger, my hair was a dark, golden blonde made up of a lovely mix of blond, red and brown individual strands and in my head, this dark golden blonde is what I think of as my natural colour. Loved it, never dyed it.

Now I'm menopausal older, I've started to go grey and so have started to have highlights (half-head) to try and downplay the grey. I have longer hair, past my collar bone and well on the way to my bra. My hairdresser has gone for a mix of naturals and red/copper but I'm not always happy with the result, in particular it's too dark. Every time she's tweaked what she's done, but I'm getting unhappier each time.

To try and work out why, I've taken a good look at my head in strong natural light, and to my horror, I realise I am no longer a dark golden blonde, but a dull plain middling grey/brown, with light grey around my face, particularly at the temples and at my parting. Obviously I have been in denial about what is in front of me, and explains why my perception of "natural" colouring is so different from my hairdresser.

Is it ok to go in and say I'm not happy and ask if we can just start again with a colouring plan? I don't mind admitting to my self-delusion, and am happy to take a couple of sessions to get where I need to be. She cuts my hair well so I'd rather try and get this right than starting to find a new salon.

(also, wtf has happened to me and is it normal to go darker as you go grey?)

I am now blonde through getting highlights/ lowlights after always using dark hair dyes. I find the lighter colour helps hide the greys as they come through

Do you have pictures of you with the hair you’re aspiring to recreate? This could help explain what you mean.

I think it us fairly common to go darker as you go grey - most of my family have light brown/fair hair in teens, rich brown hair in midlife, then border collie black-and-white in patches once they start to go grey....

Thanks - part of the issue is that my faded ends pretty much match my idea of what my colour should be (well, they fooled my mum who was astounded my hair had been coloured - but then she does have sight problems ) However my hairdresser always tuts about them and tries to “fix” them. I’ve tried several times to say I’m actually really happy with the colour of the ends, but I’m not sure she believes me because she always adds more dark brown to them - so I’m only happy with it for two weeks before the next appointment.

I’m also wondering whether I should abandon trying to recreate past glories and be a bit braver/bolder with colour choice. However, I’m wary of getting trapped into having to have regular touch ups as I really really hate seeing lots of grey roots growing under faded colour. I’d rather just give up and go natural than have to do monthly hairdresser visits. (My hair grows fast)

Ideally I’d like to have fair/ash foils round my face and parting on top, where the worst of the grey is, so it doesn’t show up so badly as it grows out and when I tie back my hair. And then a mix of that and a slightly lighter shade of my natural brown and also a cool copper colour on the rest. So adding depth to the colour and disguising the grey rather than a cover up.

Or maybe I should work with my hair and get the grey spot at the parting turned into a proper mallen streak as they are apparently the trend of the season (only half joking)

I would try a different hairdresser, it doesn’t sound like yours is listening.

Can you show something with the colours you are looking for - picture of you or someone else, sample hair colour strands they often have in a book at some hairdressers?