I always thought I was ugly because I was fat...but nope.

[Wrappleschat82]

ive lost quite a lot of weight and am now hovering around a size 8 but I’ve lost so much off my face and now I look like a preying mantis 😂😭
I haven’t really done much exercise as I get absolutely no chance (have the children 24/7) but I’ve cut back hugely on what I eat.

I’m disappointed to discovered that even being two stone slimmer I’m still not very attractive and actually my face being thin now makes me look old as well.

Furthermore all my clothes are horrible and I don’t know where to shop anymore now I’m older. I’m 36.

So I guess what I’m asking is: where do people shop when they are 40 or so and what can I do to make my face look less drawn. I don’t want to put weight back on. You can bet it would go back on my stomach and my face would stay as it is 😂.

Oh and my hair is bad as well. Basically it’s all bad. I’ve got a fringe and I HATE it but I can’t face growing it out.

Wrapple, you’ve pretty radically changed your body. Give yourself a chance to get used to the new you.

Your problem is that you are all about how it looks, and we’re all a bit guilty of this, but actually you should focus on health and strength. You are you and you don’t need to look like anything other than that. Being a healthy weight and hopefully doing some exercise will help you feel prouder of your body than you currently are.

I blame media and society for the way women think about themselves. It’s really terrible.

As you are slim the world is your oyster when it comes to shopping! Just depends on your budget & the styles you like.

I bet you don't look that bad as you think you do, why not get a make up session at a counter such as boots no7 to make you feel better? & visit the hairdresser?

But seriously I doubt you are actually ugly honestly. Try to write a list of the features you like & go from there eg if you have nice eyes then emphasise them.

The last time I lost a.lot.of weight, I hated photos of me as I just looked really haggard and old. I was in my 40s then. Now I'm my 50s and several stone heavier I look fat and old . Not sure which is worse. I think on balance the thin pictures were worse as there was no telling myself that if I lost weight I'd look better

Then again I was Looking at photos of me in my 20s and 30 s earlier and I do look very pretty and not even that fat in most of them . I used to think I was enormous and and ugly and I really wasn't most of.the time. Even I the photos where I was fatter I still looked pretty as I was young.

The thing is you need to focus on how you feel in yourself, not how you look to others. You can't change your face much unless.you want plastic surgery but good make up and a good hairstyle will help. Try those first !!

Spend some money on good quality clothes.and get some make up advice. It takes a.long time to get used to a new you when you lose weight. Be kind to yourself. You have done really well to lose the weight. Allow yourself time to.adjust. that is where I went wrong.

Most of us tend to be self critical. I am sure others don’t see all the faults you see.
I am a size 8 but older than you . My face is too thin so I have had fillers the last couple of years. They are very subtle and I suspect other folk don’t see much difference but it helps my confidence.
I shop at mint velvet, jigsaw and massimo dutti .

I’d like my haircut - it’s just long at the moment - but I really really want rid of the fringe!
I know other people probably don’t really notice what I look like but it’s horrible to feel ugly all the time.
I don’t feel confident enough to go and have my make up done somewhere although that is definitely what I need. And maybe fillers...

I don’t think many people think they look attractive everyday, I hate looking in mirror and I know I’m not alone, but I know I can look ok if I make an effort with hair and make up but who can be bothered with that everyday?

Clothes wise if your with your children 24/7 I assume your children are young so there’s no point dressing to the nines wearing stilettos and cocktail dresses daily, just go somewhere cheap and cheerful like Next and get a capsule wardrobe 7 cheap pairs of jeans and 10 tops a pair of boots and something more comfortable like trainers or similar and that should do you, you’ll feel happier in well fitting clothes. You can build on from there.

I recall seeing a tv program where it showed how people under rated themselves by focussing on what is wrong and by looking in a mirror , which gives a static view, whereas most people look at the dynamics of a person...their lovely smile or expressive eyes etc

ALthogh if you have the determination to lose 2stone I think you will manage to sort out the fringe.

I had a friend who lost a lot of weight in the past 5 years (when she was approx. 40-42) through stomach stapling - went from size 22 to size 10. She kept her short hairstyle but said she had to find clothes etc to suit her.

Had always liked makeup but embraced fake tan etc.

I'd sort of do what MatchSetPoint says but rather than get 7 pairs of jeans - get 2 pairs with various basic bits like vest tops - then maybe go to somewhere like Zara and try on what you like the look of, what suits you etc.

Re exercise - you can do a fitness DVD about 30 minutes a day.

There’s a saying ‘face or arse’ and I guess that’s the problem with aging skin, the fat was filling out your wrinkles. I am struggling with a wrinklier face now I’m in my forties, I go from ok to feeling not ok !!

Think a treatment of skin tightening laser or caci or if that’s out of the budget try collagen supplement. It depends on just how down you are about it.

They other thing I do is not buy any cheap clothes, I buy one piece that I absolutely love and is really good quality

I'm 59, I shop at Primark, Peacocks, supermarkets and street markets.
I don't know what to say really, I guess it's just a mental attitude thing. I never look in the mirror and think 'fuck, I look ugly', but then I never look at other people and think that either. We don't have to live up to a standard of beauty, I just aim for fit, healthy and clean and tidy. I don't give my appearance any more thought than that really.

As a serial yo yo dieter I think alot of us think that if we lose weight xyz will be better. It isn't the weight that is the issue. Try to be kind to yourself. Try to find the root cause of your dissatisfaction and go and buy something you wouldn't have worn with the excess weight. Well done on the weight loss. (I often find maintaining harder!) keep going. And grow the fringe out. 😘

OP for the fringe, hair accessories, hair bands that look like wrapped head scarves are on trend this season can be worn to keep hair out of your eyes when growing out your fringe. Zara has some nice ones.

As for shopping depends on budget and style. There are a number of threads on here that outline where people shop. I vary so high street, vintage and slightly more upscale. Zara good for basics, as is Cos if into more minimalist clothing, & OtherStories, ASOS own brand does some decent basics, as does Primark and New Look, Hush, Me and EM, sign up to some style blogs that send out articles on what's on trend, where to buy etc...or if can splurge a session with a personal shopper at a large branch of John Lewis.

TK Maxx can have some bargains but have to keep an eye out for colours, material, as some total dross too. Take your measurements, think about women who dress in a way that you like, think about what colours you like, and so on...

If you have a good budget I recommend a personal shopper at John Lewis. I had a session there and it was such a confidence boost. The assistant really got me and didn't put me into ridiculous things but things that reflected me and were practical.

As for age, avoid very fussy trends, and very short skirts - unless you really like them or wear them in the colder months with opaque tights. 36 is still relatively young so pretty much anything goes if you like it and it suits you. Floaty tea dresses, bias cut midis, all worn with trainers/sneakers on trend this season, and suit most people. Wide leg trousers, skinnies are always going out of fashion but never seem to go. Casual cargo-style pants, jersey joggers good for casual wear and so on...

Loads of Instagram and general blogs with ideas about where to buy, what to buy and how to wear it:
www.whowhatwear.co.uk/tags/blogger-style

www.marieclaire.co.uk/fashion/the-best-fashion-blogs-ever-69888

www.look.co.uk/fashion/looks-top-20-fashion-blogs-71998

www.standard.co.uk/insider/style/instagram-influencers-of-colour-london-fashion-week-a4068156.html

I think it takes time for your skin to catch up with weight loss but it will improve over time! Eat lots of avocado, fish and nuts (within reason) to help it along. You could go for a facial too. In the meantime, can you get your hair redone? Change the fringe to a side one to assist with growing it out? Get a personal shopper appointment and get some clothes in colours that suit you.

Women like to pretend that looks aren’t everything but then offer up so easily advice on how to change your face and conceal your ‘flaws’ with fillers and make up and trying harder to make it happen. Eat this and that, give even more time to facials and hairdresser, get medical procedures to improve your face, buy lots of new clothes to look right etc etc. Where does it end. In dissatisfaction for most.

How about try less and give yourself more appreciation.

Wrapple - pop over to the Styled by Susie facebook page. So much positivisty on there, women of all different shapes & sizes learning to accept our bodies for what they are rather than being so negative. Everyone is so encouraging and supportive which is what we should all be of each other! I promise you'll feel better xx

I think it's really important to focus on the good bits. What do you like?

I am in my early 50s and lost 2.5 stones over the course of 2 years by eating well and moving more. I could have lost it faster but I thought about the arse versus face dilemma when you get older. I thought that if I lost it slowly I would not get that drawn look. I lost the first 1/2 stone relatively quickly and my face started to look wan and drawn so I slowed it right down and aimed for around a pound a month. This worked. My face is slimmer, but healthily slimmer. I look (and feel) so much better than I did and because it was a slow loss, completely sustainable and established as a habit. I think sometimes your face needs time to catch up when you lose weight, so it may well be that your face will start to look less hollow soon.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=rrHoDJinMQI

Its about how some women describe themselves and how others see them and which is more accurate.

sorry but I LOL'd at your praying mantis description!

I doubt its as bad as you say though. Maybe you just need to tone up? If you've lost lots of weight from healthy eating alone then exercising and going to the gym will help.

Try treating yourself to some treatments - non surgical face lift? eyebrow shape/tint and eyelash lifting and tint? can make a huge difference to your looks. Try some new makeup and get a new hair cut and colour.

I've lost nearly 4 stone, not a praying mantis lol but I do a lot of fitness classes and I think that's helped. I've also tried going for more beauty treatments and wearing new brands/more dresses. I also got a new lighter hair colour.

It might also be that you're focusing on the flaws and not seeing yourself clearly, I've read that sometimes when people lose weight they have a falsely negative perception of themselves, and take a while to get past that. Wear clothes that you like, sort your hair so you like the style and focus on the fact that you're healthier, and whatever you think you will look better because of that.

When you look in a mirror I wonder if you frown and grimace - this will make you look worse!

Can you ask a friend to take a few facial photos from different directions while you're relaxed and chatting. Then later look at them from a distance to get perspective. Alternatively get a few mirrors to look from different angles.

Imagine it is a different person you are looking at, what hairstyle would work, what could be accentuated - eyes/lips?

I recognise the face/arse dilemma referred to by PPs.

I have also lost 2 stone recently. Where are you in your range of healthy Body Mass Index? I find that, in the upper third of mine, my face looks OK.

To explain a bit more - the healthy BMI range for my height is 7st 13 to 10 st 11. I currently weigh 9 st 8 and am a size 12. I'm 54. It would be crazy for me to aim for the lower end of that BMI range, I would just look ill [I tell myself].

There's a good NHS BMI calculator you can google, it's very easy to use and does metric or imperial.

Or maybe you just need time to "grow into" your new face?