Trying to feel like me again post baby

[Nixen]

Morning everyone

I figured mumsnet would be a good place to ask this question!

Basically, after having my baby 6 months ago - I don’t really feel like me again. Part of this will almost certainly be from not being at work, change in priorities etc but I’m convinced part of it is to do with my physical appearance and self care. I don’t like what I see when I look in the mirror. I’ve got weight to lose, my hair (previously dyed blonde) is dark.. even when I do take the time to do my make up I don’t feel it looks as good, my nails are always unpainted now. I’m working on losing the weight (SlimmingWorld) but this won’t be a quick fix. I’ve thought about dying my hair but this is the first time my hair has been its ‘natural’ colour since I was about 14 (~16 years ago) so I’m not sure whether I should give it a try...? Basically, I’m 30 this year and I don’t feel like me. I’ve got just under 6 months to make a difference.

With being on mat pay I don’t have buckets of money for this, but I’m willing to spend a bit on things that will really make a difference. I think what I am asking if for recommendations for products to make me look and feel better? Skincare, haircare etc?

Sorry this ended up being really long

Thanks in advance for any help!

Hi there,

I wondered about what you said about your hair? Given you have been dying it for 16 yrs maybe changing back might help you feel brighter and more 'you'?

This comes from someone who who used to be blonde for years and is now embracing my mousyness! Though I was dark before I had my two kids. (4 and 15 months). I'm 35 btw.

I've started using pixie retinol tonic recently and it has helped brighten my complection, which is greatly appreciated and I think helps me look less tired! It's not too expensive from boots or superdrug.

Just my first thoughts. I'm sure as your baby gets a little older it will all feel easier to get back a little more 'normality'. Xx

Hi I totally felt the same about the same time as you with my lo.
I used la roche posay for my face never been so spotty and started tinting my eyebrows after having them done and keeping on top of them myself.
I would recommend getting your hair highlighted if you feel it would make a difference 😀

I suspect this is partly money and partly time. You haven’t mentioned your skin, and if you need specific products there are lots of people who can recommend stuff. But mostly it sound like you have (perfectly understandably and reasonably) been neglecting yourself.

Of course, having your hair done will feel lovely. But also - be sure to moisturise your body after a shower, decide on outfits you feel good in, hang them together in your wardrobe and each night, put out what you’ll wear the next day. You’ll feel good about it.

I really got into gel nails, I bought the kit to have at home to save ££, because I agree - having brightly coloured nails makes me feel happy.

Anyway- you get the gist. It’s mostly time and preparation and feeling justified in putting time into yourself.

I asked something similar on here post-baby! The best advice I got was to buy a well-fitting bra - makes everything look better overall. I also found it hard to devote much time to putting on make-up but I don't scrimp on moisturiser. I think it's really down to what best suits your skin type as to what you should buy but a good moisturiser applied everyday does a world of good. I currently use the No 7 Beautiful Skin. Investing in a couple of wardrobe staples is also worth it imo - I know it's tempting to wait until the weight has shifted but if you want to feel better in the interim then a good pair of jeans, a couple of nice tops and maybe a dress or something you can wear out can really help you to feel less frumpy.

Thanks so much for all the replies so far - I am taking notes!

@redken24 what products do you recommend from la Roche posay? I’ve never used the brand before but there is 25% off at boots at the moment so I could pick up some things to try ☺️

You’ve got it in one @saltysea2001- I’ve neglected myself a fair bit! My husband works a lot so with juggling the house and the baby, there hasn’t been a lot of time for me!

Thank you @katnisskringle - adding bra measuring to the list!!

I could have written this! My baby is 4.5 months and I used to be a face and hair mask devotee with an exfoliated bum and painted toenails. At the moment I spend 24h a day in three black scaffolding nursing bras, no makeup, and clean but dry and unstyled hair. The incentive to dress up isn't there as all my mum friends are the same - we're all rotating the same nursing tops and leggings!

I have bought a couple of cheap new tops in my current size and now my baby goes to bed for the first stretch at 8.30 I've been having a bath and moisturising every other day. If he does nap, rather than cleaning, I've been putting on foot cream with socks and reading a book for 15 minutes, having a quick weed out of clothes I keep wearing for ease, washing and moisturising my face. Basically I accept I can't do "regular" upkeep any more but occasional attention to my neglected bits is better than nothing!

I still feel like this 4 years in. I definitely think good showers and moisturising can make you feel as if you've been pampered after a hectic day with a baby.

A bit of nail polish and a tan moisturiser like Dove or Palmer's even for a wee glow coming into Spring/Summer. Some tinted face mosituriser for mornings you have no time. Yes to sorting outfits that you can just grab without needing to try on

A good fitting pair of black skinny jeans can be casual or dressed up really easy and can be bought fairly cheap from Next or Newlook

I always feel more put together when I have my brows shaped and tinted

I’m 8 weeks post birth, I put on so much weight during pregnancy and I’m riddled with stretch marks so I’m with you on feeling low in myself. For me the thing that gives me physical confidence is having nice eye lashes so I still treat myself to extensions. The technician comes to the house every few weeks and I express a bottle so my partner can watch him on a Saturday.

Perhaps you can think if there’s one thing that would help you feel more you and just schedule it in around your partner working?

Other ideas... a pair of jeans that fit nicely can help with confidence and can be easily paired with tops.

Instead of cleaning when your baby sleeps, occasionally spend the time doing your nails or put a face mask on?

And if all else fails a nice colour lipstick can make you feel a ton better

Xxx

I use the efflacar range but if you have a decent boots try and get some samples before committing 🤗 I have used the nip fab glycolic range as well and is quite good and have been using the boots own day cream moisturiser spf15 which for a couple of pound is excellent.

wholeheartedly agree with other posters if the baby asleep don't bother with housework paint your nails, do a face mask or something if you can. I tinted my brows last week watching TV.
Everyone says forget the housework but the only time my house is tidy for about one minute after I have tidied 😂
Definitely bra measuring makes a big difference too. X

Gosh this post could have been written by me!

I turned 30 a year after my baby was born and it took about a year for me to start feeling like
‘Me’ again.

After my baby was born I had gained a lot of weight and my previously blonde highlighted by hair was Mousey with horrid blonde ends. I think getting your hair back to blonde will instantly lift you. Some people may disagree but I don’t feel like myself unless I’ve got my blonde hair.

The other thing that happened was I experienced a huge shift as I approached 30. I suddenly felt like I needed a style overhaul. I think a lot of it was to do with being a mum. I wanted to look stylish and Fresh and cool. My old clothes seemed cheap and knackered and not good quality.

Invest a little time maybe finding some style bloggers on Instagram etc whose style you admire. Choose a few key pieces for creating a good capsule wardrobe and go for quality not quantity.

As for skincare I think after hair it’s the thing that I rely on most to feel confident. I follow the advice of a few respected beauty/ skincare industry types. A lot of their advice is common sense. Gentle regimes. Nothing too scrubby. Suddenly moisturizer seems so much more important for me, at 30, despite having oily skin. Cosmetic Products with glow and luminescence help me feel bright and perky when I look tired.

I think this sudden feeling that we are no longer ourself is totally normal. Tbh it can be fun going through a bit of a metamorphosis and shedding the old skin, so to speak.

I feel like this now, 10 years later, when my son was born I actually slimmed down a lot due to stress (prem baby) and breast pumping my milk, when he came home from hospital I made a point of going to all of the baby clubs and I always took the opportunity to wear nice clothes and do my make up.
Once you start doing these things you will start to feel happier about yourself.
I think I went to 3 or 4 baby groups so I was always getting out of the house which was what I needed, I didn't always want to though!
My problem now is that I do not work and I do not socialize much so I don't make the effort because I'm not actually seeing anyone. I've put on some weight over the past few years and to top it off I'm now effing 40 years old! 😭

I actually feel a lot better that other people are telling me it’s normal to feel like this! I was a bit worried this made me horribly vain and selfish

Thanks again for all the tips... @KittyWindbag you have expressed exactly how I’m feeling re my hair too.. I’m going to have to go back to blonde I think!

I’ve made a start... during wee ones nap I did my nails (I know glitter on the ring finger is passé now but I need a bit of glitter in my life) and also slapped some neon pink on my toes

@nixen LOVE your nails! I love a single glitter finger too!! You’re so good at nails! I’m hopeless. Trying to debate if my baby will stay asleep in the sling if I go and get them done this week!!

@le42 I didn’t fully appreciate when my DD was newborn and would sleep for ages in her pram, I should have taken advantage and gone to get my hair and nails done 🙈 I hope you manage to get a break this week. I’ve decided I’m definitely going to get gel nails before we go on holiday in May.