I'm miserable with my appearance

[VitaminSea]

I’m really unhappy with the way I look.
Before my DS (18months) I maintained - but occasionally fluctuated - a ‘soft’ size 8-10 at 5’3” and made an effort with clothes, hair and makeup.
I didn’t get overly Heavy during most of my pregnancy, I was a full 2 weeks over and the last month I seemed to balloon.
Since then I haven’t really looked after myself.
I’m now 28, a size 16 and did at one point manage to lose 25lbs but have gained it back.
I constantly have bad breakouts since giving birth, on some antibiotics to help at the moment.
My scalp is horrific! Never suffered before, but can’t seem to get rid of dandruff! Tried medicated shampoos and even anti-fungal cream and nothing will touch it.

My teeth seem to have given up, assuming it’s excess coffee intake - they’ve yellowed terribly - I do use ‘whitening’ toothpaste twice daily, but it’s not shifting. One tooth has also died from an accident many years ago, but only now seems to be greying and the dentist has said it will go black (they cannot do root canal as the damage was so long ago and the tooth has ‘filled in’)
I’m just an overall mess, I have limited clothes that can be worn due to my large tummy and pear shape, I rarely wear makeup as my skin tends to get worse, my hair is currently rather lack lustre (had my first haircut in over a year a week ago, and really disappointed with it)
Anyone able to offer some advice on how to tackle/where to tackle first, and any routines that work well for you? Very limited funds, and live very rurally. 

I think the first place to start is with the weight - cause as you eat better and exercise it will help your hair and skin too!

I've recently got a job where I have to walk at least 30 mins each day to get there. That's on top of the train commute and am so surprised that I have shifted some pounds by doing so. I do walk very fast - not so fast as to get sweaty as don't want to walk in office like that. Could you squeeze in a walk daily?

Once you shift a few pounds you'll be able to buy clothes you like and that will make you feel better.

With the hair, have you tried Johnson's baby shampoo? It's for no harsh chemicals or additives so no build up on scalp.

First of all, your body has done an amazing thing in producing another human so don't be so hard on it or yourself.

I'm about 10kgs over a healthy BMI so I'm having to watch my food intake. My clothes are tight and my knees hurt so it's going to have to be action stations for weight loss. You've lost weight before, you can do it again. I think in terms of nutrition - eat well and don't snack and cut empty calories like alcohol. Watch portion sizes.

I'm adding stretching, walking and things like planks, lunges and press ups. Can't do a single press-up 🤣.

I'm going to take more care of my appearance, using my limited wardrobe to the best. When I get to a healthier weight I'll invest in more pieces. I'm basically going to take it til I make it!

Can they put a cap or veneer on the tooth when you've more cash?

Not take it til I make it but rather fake it til I make it!

Op Are you me?
I feel exactly the same and am amazed in the difference in how I am treated. People look past me, don't engage in talk, i am invisible in the street.
Also fat, also yellow teeth, also dandruff.
No clothes, look a minger.
Its depressing and i cant stick to a diet which isn't helping.

You seem to be addressing your skin and scalp, so stick with it, it may take some time. Hopefully, someone will be along soon with further recommendations.

I would prioritise getting your teeth sorted, can you have a whitening treatment at the dentist whilst you are having your other tooth fixed?

Don't give up on your hair, what is it that you don't like about the style?

As for clothes, could you link to your body type on Pinterest, something like 'outfits for pear shapes'.

I found when I lose weight it's not a sure loss every week. Some weeks I lose nothing and plateau. Then more comes off.

I'm addicted to Pinterest while I'm trying to get myself sorted.

My ultimate dream is for some kind fairy godmother/ father to whisk me away to a fabulous resort for 6 months where I have a personal trainer, nutritionist, life coach while my house is being completely renovated. 😁 I'm having to do it the slow way.

I do walk the dog, but could probably up distance and pace as I'm more of a let-her off-the-lead-in-the-woods-while-I-amble-along walker 😅

Im definitely treated differently too! All the mums locally seem either very outdoorsy and athletic or glamorous and seem to avoid me at playgroup or the park. (Honestly, I think this might also come from my newly adopted lack of of self confidence)

I do need to try enforce a healthy diet, any recommendations? I was using 'my fitness pal' before.

It's having an effect on my relationship too, although my husband is far too kind and not an idiot to say he's lost interest because of my appearance and figure, I'm well aware that's the reason.

Oh I'd love the fairy godmother to pop over to mine after, @FestiveForestieraNoel !!

I asked for a few inches off, feathered and a fringe cutting in, (my hair had that long, witchy wisp vibe whenever I wore it down) and the hairdresser cut it very bluntly at the ends, and sort of, 'chopped' a chunk each side of my face, so it looks like I'm growing out a bad fringe. When I questioned it, She said she didn't feel comfortable cutting in a full fringe as I have a cows-lick - I did tell her this prior - and showed her a photo of myself with a fringe from a few years ago for reference. Rather than risk it further, I said I wasn't particularly pleased with it and just paid and left.

I felt similar- had my DS 8 months ago and since then had been feeling, for want of a better word, ugly.

A couple of months ago I decided to take control of the situation and wrote a list of the things I felt uncomfortable about.
They were: weight- deep frown line- no clothes to fit now size 14 figure- yellow teeth- frizzy dry hair- overplucked eyebrows.

During these past weeks I've made a big effort to address each one of them. With some success. Several I took charge of myself (weight- using mainly 16:8, clothes- dragged myself around the shops and forced myself to look at what other mums who I considered attractive were wearing) and the others I've been to hairdresser, dentist and so on.

It took a lot more effort and forcing myself into action than it would have done pre-baby. But I'm so pleased I did. I feel brighter/happier, and my DH who had lost interest in intimacy "not for any reason, just don't feel like it" has been much more attentive and interested. Shallow but true (although this could just be down to my confidence levels!)

It sounds like you need your fringe thinning out and wispier, likewise the ends.

I always ask the hairdresser to chop into my ends and keep the layers long.

Do you feel confident enough to trim the fringe, at least, or maybe know someone who could tidy it up (and possibly recommend a different hairdresser)?

What food are your triggers OP? Leave them off your shopping list and be strict about not letting them in the house. Have plenty of veg and healthier food available. You are probably craving the wrong foodd because you are tired and sleep-deprived. Are you getting enough sleep? Vitamin/mineral supplement?

I’d try a diet change, maybe a drastic one, for a good boost to your motivation. Personally I’d try a lower carb, high fat, loads of veg, increase your protein type plan with lots of water. I know it’s hard with little children but getting more sleep and getting outside for a walk in the crisp air every day will boost your mood significantly.

Pop in to say hi on our blood sugar diet thread if you like the sound of it.

Blood sugar diet thread 12 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet/3322467-blood-sugar-diet-thread-12

Just realised that you’d posted this in style and beauty so I hope you’re not offended that I suggested diet changes!

Agree with newaveragebear : low carbing will really get you feeling good quickly. You'll lose weight, skin will look fab, flat tummy, improved hair, better digestion etc etc.

Same