Dressing for the shape you are, not the shape you wish you were

[GraceMarks]

Hi all. I'm approaching 40 and feel like I've lost my sense of what suits me and what's flattering.

For a bit of background (will try to avoid drip-feeding) I was overweight up until I was in my mid-20s, when I managed to get down to a size 8/10. When I was slim, I love clothes shopping and I developed a personal style based around quirky tweeds/tartans, slim-legged trousers, and shortish skirts. It was a sort of librarian-geek look. Unfortunately, I didn't keep the weight off for long (I also have a recurring ED) and over the last 10ish years my weight has been up and down a lot.

I'm now overweight again, probably a size 12/14 in most shops, and my body has changed so many times that I have no idea what looks good on me any more. I still like the nerdy look but where it used to look fun when I was young and slim, it now just looks frumpy and ageing. I hate clothes shopping but I need to do some of it because I have so few things that fit and I keep having to recycle the same few outfits.

I am just so sick of fighting my body. I would love to be able to accept the way it is now and dress for the shape I am, not the slim shape I wish I still had. But I still have an ingrained belief that clothes always look better on slim people, and I hate the way my body basically ruins a perfectly nice dress or coat by being so lumpy and ugly.

I am 5'5" and carry most of my weight on my lower half, i.e. big hips and thighs. I'm a classic pear with not much in the way of boobs, but I do have a very broad back and shoulders. I feel like a huge, ungainly blob. I also have arthritis in my feet so can't even add a bit of height with heels!

What styles do people think would work on someone like me? And please - no helpful suggestions that I might feel better if I tried to lose the weight again. I have had it with all that and my ED is barely contained, and part of the recovery process is not actively thinking about my weight and trying to reduce it.

You sound like you've got a real eye for style.

I agree that that nerd look is best kept to the young otherwise it can look ageing, agreed.

Any interest in the rockabilly/50s look?

Hey im a size 10/12 mainly 12 my tummy and legs are my main problem i like to wear skater style dresses, they do hide the bits you want to hide,thats all i tend to wear and leggings these makes your legs seem slimmer and hold your tummy in and give your bum a good shape.buy good leggings tho as the cheaper ones are rubbish.x

brightlightsandsound I think that looks good on bustier women, but not so much on pancake-chested ones like me! It also tends to require a strong look wrt make-up and I don't really wear it. I am not blessed with especially feminine features and anything more than a bit of powder and concealer makes me look like a drag queen.

Angelcd If I do wear dresses they tend to be that style, but I would probably go with nice thick tights rather than leggings. What footwear would you go for with that look?

Watching. With interest. I was a size 10 for years, but over the past 3 years I’ve put on 3 stone and I hate the way I look. I look at clothes and know I’d make them look awful. I’d really love to embrace my size, as I’m happier than I’ve ever been, but I’ve totally lost my sense of style now

Ankle boots are what i wear but think most types of foot wear would suit.
Im only a 34b bra size and i wear those inside silicone padding type thing just to make my body look more even a dresses do sit better.x

I'm not much help as I'm similarly lost wrt styling the shape I am - but have you considered a personal shopping appointment? I've had a couple and the first was good, suggesting things I wouldn't normally pick up. Also, Pinterest can be helpful for narrowing down what you like.

I'm size 12/14 pear too and tend to wear jeggings with tunic tops and skirts with tights/leggings. Shoes I have some purple ankle boots (can't do heels). But I really struggle to find decent quality clothes on the high st these days and often despair when I try to shop.

I’m a 10/12 pear shape, and 5ft 6, so quite similar. Things I like are:

Culottes/wide leg trousers with a fitted top, usually a crew neck jumper, slightly cropped so just sits on my waist, at this time of year. In summer I wear these with tucked in t-shirts. On my feet, trainers or brogues. I wear fishnet tights underneath in winter.

A-line skirt, hitting just above the knee. Top as above. 100 denier opaques and flat Chelsea boots. I have a leather skirt which is great for nights out, and I also wear this with skinny fit polo necks.

Jeans and tucked in slim fit jumper, or slightly cropped - on waistband - boxy jumper. I like the Whistles barrel leg. Footwear as above.

My best ever fashion tip came from a man who transitioned from a female body - wear a vest under everything, a size down, to smooth everything out. I buy from Topshop in an 8.

Oh, I also like pinafores. If you are not busty, they are great with a fitted top or jumper, opaque tights and brogues/Chelsea boots.

Two things spring to mind. Firstly I'm with you on certain styles looking better on young skinnies and for some of us more curvy people (not lumpy!) I think tailored clothes just work better than draped stuff. I've leant to accept that I can no longer wear 'whacky' without looking bizarre so have embraced a bit more of a formal style then show individuality with block colour or jewelry. Secondly get thee to a stylist pronto! I did house of colour for both my colours and a style day and it's been brilliant for boosting my confidence and knowing exactly what looks good on me and suits my personality and the image i want to portray. John Lewis also do similar i believe? Shopping is now very quick and easy and I rarely now buy fashionable things that i never wear so it's saved money also.

Thanks to everyone who has responded.

Judy I would hardly call you overweight from your description but your ideas sound like the sort of thing I would at least try on. It's so difficult, though, to find A line skirts that end at the knee - they're all minis or else pleated midis, both of which look bloody awful on me!

Misty9 Tipsey I have a John Lewis near me so I think I'll be brave and go for a personal shopper. I hate the idea of having my figure scrutinised by another person but I think I need an objective opinion and not a friend who'll just say I look nice in whatever.

grace no, I am not overweight, but I think my figure sounds quite similar in terms of shape to yours? My skirts probably are more “mini”, def above the knee, in winter, but in summer I live in midi skirts and dresses. I think the trick is to wear things that are slim on top, so tucked in mainly for me. Pleated midi skirts can be really flattering, it just depends on where the pleats start and how they flare. I find that length harder to wear in winter as I think they need a gap of skin showing to work on me.

I did mine at John Lewis and my advice would be to have a chat with the stylists beforehand to see who is on your wavelength, iyswim? My first session was great but the second was a flop as the woman just didn't get my look and kept steering me towards hers! Definitely worth a try though and I didn't feel pressured to buy lots.

misty9 I went for it today, and I think I struck lucky with the stylist, as she seemed to have a similar style to me albeit she was a lot slimmer. She did push me to try on things I wouldn't have picked for myself but I didn't like any of them! However, I did like most of it and I bought a few bits which I can see myself getting a lot of use out of.

The online booking system does let you choose a specific stylist so I could go back to her if I wanted another session next season...

Wow - very proactive! I'm impressed. And pleased you got some bits too. What did you get?

You posted this in August? Under a different title but the same thread?

Misty9 I got some cord trousers, a sort of blousey thing, and a dress. I got some ideas for other things I could look out for, perhaps in a cheaper shop... there was lots I could have bought if my budget had allowed.

Bluntness yes, I posted something similar but I wanted to ask again because you often get different people with different ideas. It's allowed.

Oh well done in going for it! Was it fun? What sort of things did you buy? Are you broke now;)?

Sorry just realised you already said!

Tipsey haha, yes, pretty broke but I could have spent at least three times as much. She was very good at her job!