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Look better or care less?

44 replies

Shalll · 24/10/2018 10:59

I'm quite down about my looks at the moment and not sure how to get out of this...

I'm late 30s, a bit (but not much) overweight, carrying most of the weight on my stomach area which I hate. For reasons that are not clear to me I seem to now be really prone to both spots (on my face) and skin tags (on my body). I have loads of freckles, wear glasses, thin face, don't like hair.

I live in skinny jeans or trousers with floaty tops or big jumpers for both work and home. I always feel I look about 5 months pregnant (youngest is five!!!).

What can I do to give myself a boost? I'm considering everything from eating differently to new wardrobe / hair, supplements, getting contacts.

Or should I just work on not caring so much?

OP posts:
Henrysmycat · 24/10/2018 11:13

Hmmm. I’ll start from the opposite side. What do you like about yourself?

earlybyrd · 24/10/2018 11:34

Skin tags are easy to remove, tie thread tight round them, or get someone else to do it, they will wither and fall off.
If you are really not happy about the extra pounds - you CAN lose them if you really want to, if that's what it will take to make you feel good about yourself, you need to just do it. 

earlybyrd · 24/10/2018 11:34

You won't need a new wardrobe then as all your clothes will look better

earlybyrd · 24/10/2018 11:37

Pps . Why are you wearing glasses if you don't like them? There are alternatives.
Once your eyes are exposed think about getting brows threaded and dyed, will open up your eyes.
Get some advice re your hair from a good friend and a couple of hairdressers- there is always room for improvement

Shalll · 24/10/2018 11:56

Thank you. I feel like I've been trying to lose the extra weight forever but the tummy is here to stay.

Why do I wear glasses... I used to have contacts but didn't get on with them that well. I also wonder if at some point the DC will need glasses (I got them very young) and then they'll like me having them if that makes sense.

I think if I could have better skin and a flatter stomach that would make the biggest difference. I guess it's back to the drawing board on diet / nutrition... I once talked to a personal trainer about it and he said the biggest thing for me would be to drink more water which admittedly I'm very bad at but I dislike it so much. I wonder if it would really make a difference in which case I'd be prepared to give it another go.

OP posts:
Shalll · 24/10/2018 11:57

What do I like about the way I look? Hmm let me ponder that for a while!!

OP posts:
BiscuitDrama · 24/10/2018 11:59

How is drinking water going to help your tummy? You could try it, of course, but I would think it’s probably caused by a layer of fat and/or lack of muscle underneath. (Mine is.) Smile

Shalll · 24/10/2018 12:07

Ha ha BiscuitDrama. I expect that certainly is part of the problem. The theory was that quite a bit of it is bloating/digestive issues/ water retention I believe and drinking more water would help with that. Don't quote me on that!

I think my nutrition issue is I'm not really prepared to cut out even more. I eat low sugar high fat thick yoghurt for breakfast, soup and a humous veggie wrap for lunch, and soup or a Spanish omelette / scrambled eggs for dinner. Occasional treats on weekends etc. But really quite healthy and low carb.

I do drink lots of tea (with a little milk) and diet soft drinks.

OP posts:
Henrysmycat · 24/10/2018 12:40

Exercise does help an awful lot. Proper consistent exercise2-3/week at least. And I mean sweat and weights, I don’t mean around the park stroll for 25 mins. I’m 3 years in my training and even when overweight, clothes looked good because I am more “streamlined” if it makes sense. No fat bulges or flabby anywhere.
Also, with decent tidy hair/nails/skin, you’d look great. If hair is meh, you need to invest in a cut and a colour that’s no high maintenance, hence why I avoid short hair. After 2 weeks they look terrible. Bobs and longer cuts can wait. Hairdressers love to razor or showcase their abilities but a classic cut holds longer.
Freckles are lovely. Wear relevant makeup. Invest in your skin. Even consistent cleansing/serums/suncream can help. I invested in my early 30’s in retinA products. I was told by a plastic surgeon that I don’t need Botox last year. I’m mid-40’s. you have time to reverse the damage.
Fizzy drinks are absolute rubbish, aspartame is worst that sugar. Find an alternative like lemon/fruit sparking water. They might be the root of belly.
I wear glasses. Not the cheap rubbish that age you 100 years but a funky thick black pair that goes with my dark hair. I spent on glasses and got a Tom Ford pair, it was worth every penny.
It’s the difference between looking boring middle aged and funky person not at the first flush of youth.
But think of your good points too. I got great thick shiny hair but short stubby bow legs. So I keep my hair long with loose curls while avoid mid-calf skirts like the devil.....
We all age, it’s inevitable but I want to age well if it makes sense.

Ifonlyiweretaller · 24/10/2018 12:49

Great post @Henrysmycat Smile Some really good lessons there...

thedevilinablackdress · 24/10/2018 14:17

How about care about the things you can change and might give you a boost?
E.g. smashing new specs, haircut. Eating well. And focus less on things that are more difficult e.g. spots (IME)

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/10/2018 15:28

I would see the gp about your skin, my gp says she often sits there thinking “please ask me about your skin” but they don’t.

Shalll · 24/10/2018 16:31

Thanks Henry for all that advice.

I think part of my problem is I'm always surrounded by people who are much more glamorous than I am!

I'm prepared to invest just don't really know what I'm doing re skin care etc. My DM is like me so never taught me this stuff, and I didn't have close female friends going up. My entire skincare range can be summed up as Nivea night cream . I did invest in some nice Bobby Brown tinted moisturiser which I'm pleased with. What I really need is an honest expert / beautician not interested in selling me loads of stuff. Or maybe the GP but I would feel bad about wasting NHS resources on my spots...

I like my hair as it's thick and a nice light brown, just an awkward shoulder length at the moment.

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 25/10/2018 06:46

Don’t feel bad about seeing the gp, I work in healthcare and the only patients they complain about are the non-compliant ones or the ones who book in every week with a condition they read about in the papers.

At least acne’s a genuine concern. Plus the initial treatments cheap.

I have spent so much money on skincare in the last 6 months battling an outbreak, one day on antibiotics and cream & I look slightly better today.

You can book independent make up artists for make up lessons.

TidyLike · 25/10/2018 06:57

Do you have a Fitbit? If not, you could consider investing in one (there are bound to be good deals coming up with Black Friday). I got one the summer before last when I was in a weight rut and it has done wonders ... the novelty hasn't worn off either and I still walk a lot more than I used to. The app features targets for water drinking and sleep, so it's quite good for all round healthiness (I'm not on commission, i promise!)

Re water ... if you dislike drinking plain water, there are lots of other things you can drink to get you more hydrated. Squash, teas ...

Maybe a dietary change would help with bloating? I don't know anything about this but friends have done things like cut out dairy or wheat and seen results ... might be worth investigating with someone who knows their stuff.

If you're stuck in a style rut, what about seeing a personal shopper to get ideas for a new look? Lots of big shops have them to use for free. Or even just looking at Pinterest ... type in one of your familiar looks (e.g. 'skinny jeans outfit') and you might find some new ideas to work with.

Henrysmycat · 25/10/2018 08:01

With regards to skincare, you’ll either have to visit an esthetician that is trustworthy and doesn’t push the products they sell or by trial and error.
There are plenty of beauty bloggers and while I don’t take advice from a 22 year old millionaire heiress, I find Caroline Hirons pretty good. She has some “sheets/protocols” of what to do with acne and you might find them useful. While “true acne” is terrible and needs medical intervention, many spots (and fine lines) can clear out with consistent skincare routine. Try it before you start popping antibiotics. Google her.
I was never taught about skincare or taking care of myself by anyone but it’s the age of the internet, you can find out anything and learn. While skincare it’s a science, you can learn the basics for your skin.
And thick hair is lovely. Maybe you need decent products and a nice trim?

Ironfloor269 · 25/10/2018 08:18

I'm in my mud thirties. I never acne as a teenager, but suddenly got hit by terrible acne in my thirties. I tried everything - cleansing, gp prescribed antibiotic creams, you name it...

Eventually what helped was a bar of soap called Acne Aid and lots and lots of water.

There was a time when I thought I'd never be free of acne and that acne skin is going to be my new normal. But now I'm back to clear, smooth skin.

Ironfloor269 · 25/10/2018 08:54

Hahaha, mid thirties, not mud thirties.

Also, need to clarify that what helped was drinking lots of water, not washing with lots of water.

Shalll · 25/10/2018 11:19

Thank you. I'm going to look into that soap. I suspect my hormone based contraceptive may be part of the problem but I'm not sure I am ready to change to something different.

I don't have a Fitbit but do have an Apple Watch which has helped. I do 30 minutes swim, 30 minutes run, 1 hour tennis and 1 hour yoga class most weeks, but maybe that's not enough 'sweaty' exercise.

Plan of action:

  • Acne aid soap
  • Try to drink more water (again)
  • Find good /sweaty exercise class
  • Get a haircut
  • Try to find independent beautician

Thank you all. Ready to get on top of this.
OP posts:
Angelcd · 25/10/2018 12:36

Hey i hate my body i also have a mummy tummy, what helps me is i go walking as much as i can this makes me feel so much better.
Get your hair done
I wear make up & this does help me feel good about myself
I have 5 children and my youngest is 5 x

ClaireAngelaReid · 25/10/2018 16:01

Tons of water works because it fills you up so you don’t eat, there’s no magic behind it

SuzeD29 · 25/10/2018 16:13

I'm in my 30s and up until a month ago I had terrible skin. Mainly hormonal acne on my chin which I have lots of scars from. I've started taking vitamin A and EPO and it's pretty much cleared up.

Am also trying to lose weight, have lost 12lb slowly by jogging twice a week and cutting out the evening snacking in front of the tv.

I tried kidding myself that I didn't care about what I looked like for a long time but I eventually accepted that I do care and I want to look better


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Shalll · 26/10/2018 09:57

Thank you! I feel very motivated by this thread to decide I DO care. I drank two litres of water yesterday and went for a run!

OP posts:
greyspottedgoose · 26/10/2018 10:04

What are you good at? That's not related to your looks at all? Knitting, art, photography, cooking? Look for a club to join which will boost your confidence, feeling better on the inside is a great start, then the cosmetic things like a new haircut, new style of glasses etc if you still want a change, just because you don't conform with magazine beauty doesn't mean you aren't gorgeous Wink

JaceLancs · 26/10/2018 11:32

Maybe also splash out on some new glasses
I had to give up contacts as I got older due to dry eyes and hated wearing glasses
I didn’t see the point in wearing eye make up and felt glasses ruined my look
Purely by accident I discovered an award winning independent optician who spent hours with me trying to find something that suited me, ordering in samples etc - he then customised them even further to shape the lenses to follow my eye shape and brow line, did weird things with a coloured groove at the side that made them blend in etc
Cost me over £800 but I cried with happiness when I collected them
I’ve just been back a couple of years later to treat myself to another pair
I’m so excited they have really changed how I feel about myself

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