Wanting to feel comfortable at an event

[GraceMarks]

OK. This is a petty and totally trivial problem but I hope people will be able to help nonetheless!

A few years ago I was a bridesmaid for a friend along with some other women. I was by far the biggest of us, by several sizes, and I spent most of the wedding feeling like a beached whale next to them. In all the photos I look like I'm about to burst into tears. I'm not proud of myself, but there we go.

Now one of the others has planned a reunion at a naice restaurant and I've already started to dread it. I don't want to be "the fat one" again. But obviously this time I can choose my own outfit so I can hopefully look a bit better than I did in a shiny pale pink satin affair!

What could I wear? I am 39, 5'5", and I'm very much a pear shape - big hips and bum, heavy legs, small boobs. My arms are ok except right at the top. I'm pale so I prefer to avoid black, but practically any other colour is fine. Suggestions please!

What shape clothes do you have in your wardrobe that you feel comfortable in?

I don't really like skirts but do find them easier to "fit" if that makes sense. But some kind of dressy trousers would be the ideal if I can find any that suit my shape.

What size are you op?

I am tall but apple shaped unsure about what clothes would suit. But if you know what colours suit you I would go for a flattering coloured top, nice jewellery, get your hair done and buy a nice lipstick to detract from your bum and focus on your face. How far off is the event and have you time to tone up a little and or loose weight. I have lost 2 stone, still a lot more to loose but I feel so much better than I did. I have a big event coming up in three weeks and rather than spending my energies stressing too much about what to wear I have booked a hair appointment, I already have some nice jewellery and earrings and I am focusing on eating less and healthier and trying to get to the gym 3-4 times a week.

tootrousers it varies so much from shop to shop that I find sizes almost meaningless! I weigh 11 stone though.

waltzing I am a recovering ED sufferer so while I know I need to lose weight, I'm not in a position to do it "safely" at the moment. I would rather focus on working with what I've got and trying to look as nice as I can. I'm thinking top and trousers just now. I don't wear make-up but I can probably achieve the distraction effect with jewellery! I am having my hair done on the morning of the event though.

GraceMarks - ok sorry I also have a number of health conditions and my weight has ballooned since diagnosis. I started in December (so I am loosing weight and toning up slowly and safely). I know I suit bright colours which I find also makes me feel happy. I would go for black or navy trousers and a nice top maybe book a personal shopper appointment at Debenhams or John Lewis. Try what they suggest but if you really don’t like or suit what they first bring to you give them suggestions as to what you might like. I have done this twice and been really pleased with the suggestions.

But OP, it's not what you asked, but as you mention being in recovery from an ED, I thought I'd say -- 11 stone at 5 ft 5 only puts you very slightly into the 'overweight' category. You can't be in actual fact that 'beached whale' you describe yourself as, even in a ghastly bridesmaid dress. Best wishes finding something lovely to wear, but don't dread this occasion, and don't imagine yourself as considerably more overweight than you are.

You probably do not look anything like a beached whale and it's just your body confidence issues affecting you. As InezGraves said, you're only very slightly overweight, and plenty of people who are much more overweight than you manage to look lovely.

What is your waist like? Could you wear a dress which nips you in at the waist and flows out a bit more over your hips?

I would stick to something fairly plain in a colour which suits you, and dress it up with some nice accessories.

Having your hair done is a great call. You'll feel much more polished. If you don't wear makeup, how about having a facial a few days before to make your skin really glow?

And I recommend avoiding alcohol, drinking loads and loads and loads of water, getting plenty of sleep and trying to get outside for a half hour walk every day leading up to the event.

At 5'5 and 11 stone you definitely aren't a beached whale OP, and the other bridesmaids must be teeny if you were noticeably larger than them, so chances are you're actually not but it's just the issues you have regarding your body image. I'm a boobless pear and I love A-line dresses on my shape, plus you can swoosh the skirt around which is always a bonus. If you're pale I bet you'd look amazing in something red 😊

Also, shiny pale pink satin is flattering to pretty much no one who doesn't have a figure like Kate Moss circa 1995 not very nice of the bride to inflict that on you, hope she has some redeeming features?? so pretty much anything you choose for yourself is going to look way better.

Please don't judge yourself on the basis of some wedding photos in which you were forced to wear something you didn't choose and which didn't flatter your body.

If you find a pair of trousers you like and even if they don't exactly fit, get them tailored. This is a revelation for pear shaped.
Amazing jewellery is also good, doesn't need to be expensive.

Hi OP agree you cannot be whale like at 11 stone especially as a pear shape. People always think women should be 8 stone but hardly anyone is even if slim.
Anyway, I'm a pear shape, how about smart dark jeggings/stretchy skinny trousers for comfort, heels, and a nice hip covering colourful top with a v neck and some fab jewellery. You will feel a million dollars! Let us know how it goes!

waltzing I love the personal shopper idea and will definitely give it a try. The good thing about that is that they might suggest things I wouldn't think to try myself, which is helpful because I have such a limited idea about what I might look good in.

InezGraves Ethel I should perhaps have said that I was a couple of stone heavier when I was doing my bridesmaiding, and unfortunately the other ladies were all size 8/10, so it was pretty much impossible for the bride to find something that we would all look good in. Even so, I don't carry excess weight particularly well and I still struggle to find anything about my body that I like, especially when I'm around effortlessly gorgeous people who are naturally slim. I accept that other people probably don't see me the way I see myself but it's my perception that I have to live with, sadly...

Spam88 yes, A-line dresses with a fit-and-flare sort of style are what I usually go for if dresses are required. I haven't worn them in a while because I'm still waiting for the fashion for very short skirts to die a death, but will have a look anyway.

it was pretty much impossible for the bride to find something that we would all look good in

She should have tried a bit harder.

Well done on your weight loss so far. I bet you already look in much better shape than you did back then, and just that combined with being able to choose your own outfit will already make everyone think how well you're looking.

Healthy weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint, especially when you are trying to overcome an eating disorder.

If you really struggle with your body image and finding things that you think you look good in, why not book a personal shopper session at John Lewis? It might be a good idea to have an impartial person who knows lots of different brands suggest things which might suit you.

Oh, and having been about your height and weight in the past, I would definitely go for an A-line/fit and flare dress which is cut to just about knee length. It will emphasise your more delicate top half and disguise your bum and thighs, meaning you might feel more comfortable and confident than you would in a pair of jeans.

thedevil I have a friend who makes this incredibly cute jewellery shaped like cacti, so I'm planning to deck myself out in that.

properjob I'm not keen on skinny trousers because I have big chunky thighs and quite small ankles, and leggings have the unfortunate effect of making my legs look like parsnips. Maybe some cigarette pants though.

ethel thank you for your kind words. Yes, I am going to try to get a personal shopper session in between now and the event. I have had ED issues since my teenage years and I genuinely have no idea what looks nice on me any more, since I just see "fat" and nothing else. I have cancelled on people at the last minute before now because I haven't been able to find anything I like in my wardrobe and I have such a horror of being seen during my low points.