Quirky of frumpy??

[GraceMarks]

I think I need a bit of advice about updating my look! I've always been a fan of the slightly nerdy librarian look, i.e. tweeds, tartans, woolly tank-tops worn over shirts, mismatched patterns, thick tights etc. But I am now almost 40, my hair is greying, and I'm also quite overweight. Basically, I'm worried that this look is for younger, thinner women and that on me it just looks frumpy, or like I went out without realising that my blouse doesn't match my skirt.

I do feel like a lot of the styles that I would really like to wear are not for short fat women like me - I also quite like the minimalist look but don't feel that I have the angular elegance to pull it off without looking like I'm going to join the Amish or something.

I bet you look great! It sounds like you're wearing clothes that you love - and I think they're the sort of thing I love too!

Some people look great in polished, matching, understated outfits, but that's not the only way to look stylish. I much prefer to just wear things I like, in a way I think looks good - even if that means looking a bit quirky or even scruffy. I don't think frumpy is a kind word (it's only really used in an ageist, sexist way) - but I do think that people who look unstylish are the ones who dress in dull, nondescript clothes that they clearly don't love. That's not necessarily a bad thing - clothes aren't important to everyone - but I do think that if you love what you're wearing you can't go too far wrong.

ToftheB I'm not crazy about the word frumpy but it has such a specific meaning which everybody knows, that I struggled to think how else to put it.

I see what you're saying. I suppose I have lost confidence as I've got older and my body has changed. I've never been slim but I felt like I "wore" the extra weight better when I was young, iyswim. I am very wary these days of drawing attention to my fat bits!

I love it when people have their own style.

I think if you feel you are on the cusp of quirky/frumpy, and you want to ensure that people don't just feel sorry for you and your mismatched ensemble (I mean that with love ), I would put extra effort into making sure your hair, make-up, shoes and any accessories are spot on.

So personally, I would avoid going out barefaced, with hair up in a bun and a Lidl carrier bag which for me (with your clothes), would put me firmly in the "spinster of the parish" look.

I'd wear a slash of red lipstick, carry a great bag/wear shoes with a bit of a heel, something which says "I chose to look like this, I didn't fall head first into a charity shop".

It's so much harder as we get older isn't it?

Even a plain t and jeans, which I used to throw on without a second thought now get accessorised with some funky bangles, scarf etc.

I get you. I always loved ditsy prints and floral clothes but as I age, its hard to pull this look off. I second the suggestion to go the extra mile with hair, makeup and accessories. I try and combine trendy items with my older stuff stuff to stop me looking too old fashioned.

I agree, it needs to look like a deliberate choice!

Oh dear... I don't wear make-up, I can't wear heels because of lower back problems, and I have very unfeminine cropped hair! I think perhaps I need to change my look lest I start looking like I should be hanging around near the bottle bank randomly shouting at passers-by.

Could you maybe go less nerdy granny chic and more art school or grungy? Tartan shirts, chunky boots, beanie hat etc.

You know what can save this whole thing? Red lipstick.

LapinR0se not on me, make-up makes me look like a drag act!

I love the sound of your look!

Check out TOAST online, maybe some jigsaw, plumo and people tree for some outfit inspiration.

I think it’s the details that will elevate this loon from scruff to sleek-

Berry or red lippy
Shaped eyebrows
Good shoes- some chestnut brown brogues, or some chunky suede ankle boots
Great scarf in the winter- cashmere if you can
Manicure

And there is a red out there for everyone!

Also a good hair do.

Top knot
Sleek are ever part to the side of hair is long
Heavy fringed bob.

I agree with the deliberate choice.

I get that you don't wear make-up - but how about jewellery? Statement earrings look great with cropped hair - rings / bracelets? Face tatoo ?

If none of those work, I agree with the others that making sure shoes/bag are good quality and well maintained will make a difference. Maybe some leather / biker stuff - jacket or boots so that it's not too dowdy?

Thrice I think I might go for one of those whole-face tattoos of a spider's web, with trapped flies on my eyelids so you can see them when I blink.

I really do appreciate everybody taking the time to comment and I promise I am not being contrary for the sake of it, but the idea of having to become really polished wrt hair, make-up and accessories just so I don't look like a bag lady makes me exhausted and depressed in equal measure! I think it's time for an age- and size-appropriate wardrobe overhaul.

So how do you want to look?

Gruach that's what I haven't worked out. I think the image I have in my head of how I would ideally like to look is not how I would actually look if I put on those clothes. But I really like the smart, chic look that you see in Paris (yes, I have been reading those threads!), sort of classic and unfussy. I just don't think I would look any good dressed like that with my dumpy non-Parisian arse.

I’m on the Parisienne thread even though I don’t dress in the least bit French. I also love tweed and I only posted on there today about how I think you can make it look more modern by pairing it with something unexpected.

I love the sound of your look but I also understand wanting to move it on. For what it’s worth, Tweed is having a fashion moment so you might find it won’t be that hard to update it. Try looking at a couple of magazines to see how they’re styling it - wearing different colours and patterns together seems to be a thing.

I don’t think you have to wear make up. I think hair matters a lot more. I wouldn’t worry about the colour but a modern cut / style makes a big difference to me. Doesn’t have to be high maintenance - mine isn’t.

If you want a more drastic change then I would watch what other people wear for ideas. At least that’s what I do - on the street, the bus, the supermarket, work etc. I go out for coffee and just watch until I’ve got a picture in my head of what I want.

I don't know Grace - you sound a bit down. Fashion is supposed to be fun - a reflection of your personality, a chance to experiment/play. Is this about clothes or something else?

Tbh the question I asked was slightly unfair, because I never start with any abstract idea of ‘how I want to look’. What almost always happens is that I fall in love with a particular item of clothing and find myself transformed into a new-ish person when I put it on. Which suggests other things that might have the same effect ...

So ... What’s your favourite item in your wardrobe? What, at the moment, makes you smile at your mirror?

Look at Lagenlook stuff but in a neutral palette. It looks great with short hair and artsy jewellery/ kooky shoes.

If you are feeling the need for more quirk then have a look at Gudrun Sjoden.

A good blogger on instagram who carries off the cool quirky thing is ivy arch.

Honestly, PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair? Are you sure? Those brands are definitely not how I’m reading the OP at all. I have the impression that she would be happier with something quite edgy but isn’t sure how to achieve it.

OP d’you have a budget in mind?

I think you need to embrace black. It is still quite dramatic and slims your figure. I'm a big fan of plain black t-shirt and black ankle grazers with flat black converse or similar. Add shades to complete the look.

You can dress it up with scarves etc if you fancy a change.

It will then become your "thing".

This sort of thing....worn with Trippen shoes

floisme that's a really nice idea. I often see women out and about and think that they look good, but it hardly ever occurs to me to try their look for myself. Maybe I should give it a go.

thrice I am feeling a bit panicked about outgrowing my look if I'm honest. I feel like I've been going around looking ludicrous for years and I've only just realised!

gruach I had a moment like that with a skirt in a charity shop recently but it was slightly too big and I didn't buy it. I kept thinking about it and went back the next day, thinking I would get it taken in, but of course it had gone... budget isn't huge, I have to buy second hand or in the sales mostly. I like quality brands and that's the only way I can afford them!

paulhollywood not enormously keen on that dress - I do like the length but it looks a bit voluminous and I don't need any extra volume frankly. I'll have a look at the link though.

Jeremy that's a thought. I'm pale so black is definitely a statement on me but charcoal grey might have the same sort of effect but a bit less harsh next to my face?

How about some Lucy and Yak dungarees?