What on earth to wear to a lunch in lieu of funeral?!

[theunsure]

Ok bear with me folks, this is rather random.

On Saturday DH and I are meant to be going to a lunch in Central London, this is an event for family and friends of a person that died some months ago, but for reasons I don’t know there was no funeral for them at the time. Instead this lunch has been organised instead.

DH has a long and complicated relationship with his DF and it is DH’s Aunt on his dad’s side that died. DH was close to her as a young adult (lived with her for some time) but lost contact as he got older. He has no contact info for his cousin who is organising this lunch. We just have the restaurant name. I am told it is fairly smart but not uber posh.

What the fig would you wear? I have no idea if this should be funeral-esque or not. I know none of the family on that side so no-one to ask and DH refusing to contact DFIL for info (which I can understand due to previous history).

DH doesn’t want to go because of his dad but otherwise does want to be part of it. Such a mess. My family is nothing like so I can’t relate.

Having a wardrobe crisis, we do not want to arrive looking like idiots (which DFIL has form for setting DH up for sadly).

Thoughts (apart from sack it off). We live in rural East Mids so its a trek tbh and we’ve just moved house so need this like a hole in the head. Anyway, I digress. A dress? What sort? Trousers and top? I am thinking no jeans to play safe. Arrrggghh!

Pencil dress in a dark colour- perhaps navy.

I would just dress smartly but comfortably esp if you are travelling. A dress suitable for the office? Dh suit, he can always remove tie/jacket if it is less formal

Sounds a tricky lunch but clothes wise I wouldn't worry too much and just wear what you'd usually wear to a smartish lunch. Maybe a dress in navy or grey if you have something. Definitely not black funeral clothes but if you normally wear black anyway fine. Does your husband have smart trousers and shirt that's not too suit like.

Basically as it's a weird kind of day wear what you feel comfortable and confident in. No jeans though!

Sorry when I say weird day I mean slightly unusual and a tricky family dynamic with fIL

I would wear a non-sexy summer dress or trousers and a nice top. Cardigan or blazer if it is a cool day or in case the air conditioning is very cold at the resturant. I don't think you need to dress in dark colours, especially if it is hot there. It sounds more like a memorial lunch than a funeral lunch. Your dp should wear summer trousers, and a solid colour shirt I think. Hard when you do not know any of the other attendees to ask.

Could you or your dh find contact info for cousin on line?

Can you call the resturant and ask the dress code?

Definitely just a summer dress of a demure length. This is not a funeral so you don’t need dark funeral colours on a warm day but you do need something comfortable and not a flamboyant design or colour. A jump suit would be nice too. There are still quite a lot of summer dresses available and I think a toned down floral would be fine. A cardigan over would work if needed.

I'd wear a darker dress of, say, knee length, not too low in front. Shirt, trousers and a tie for a man. I wouldn't wear anything too flowery and light as may be others will dress darkly and I wouldn't want to stand out.

I agree with others - muted dress - navy if it was my colouring maybe. You won't be out of place anywhere in something classic

Dh - def not a black tie -subtle muted colours one.

Hope it goes well.

It doesn’t matter what you wear.

Don't worry too much. Comfortable, clean, not super casual. 99% of restaurants don't have dress codes these days.

We had a similar occasion after my SiL died last year. There was no formal funeral as DH opted for a direct cremation, so we organised an afternoon tea for family and friends at a local hotel. He wore smart jacket, trousers, collar & tie and I wore a stone coloured sleeveless dress with navy accessories (it was in June). There was no dress code but everyone turned up in smart casual - dresses/trousers and tops for the ladies and men in trousers/chinos and shirt or polo shirt.

Thanks all, that fits with what I thought. Day dress, not bright or short but not black.

I have a plain navy work dress that might suit, it might be a bit too tailored though but will have a look at lunchtime to see if I can find something else. Typically I have lots of funeral suitable dresses (must own 10 black dresses), and several wedding suitable dresses, and lots of bright prints but the rest of my clothes are too casual or too black (wear mainly black and black prints for work in winter). Outside of work I live in Joules, tweed and jeans mainly when not in jodhpurs!

DH has a lovely blazer and lots of nice shirts so I think he will probably go for shirt, tie, trousers, jacket but not a suit. He doesn't wear suits for work so only has a couple and they are either funeral or wedding suitable and not much in between!

Half hoping DH decides to give it a miss, his family are the cause of so much stress for him

Why don't you contact the restaurant, who will have the contact number for the cousin. Ask them to pass your dhs number onto the cousin and for the cousin to contact your Dh..can't see why they wouldn't