How to get a wardrobe I love

[54321blastoff]

Why don't I love my wardrobe? I'm always buying things but never put them on and love them. I have enough money that I can buy the likes of Boden and hush so I guess on that basis I can afford whistles and Hobbs and jigsaw, I am willing to pay these days for the right thing - I like natural fabrics and try and stick to a capsule colour palette but yet I still feel dowdy and frumpy :-( I'm 40.

Do you love them in the shop / when you try them on and then go off them?

Have you considered a colour/style consultation?

Without sounding horrible are you ok with your body shape?

I do the same as you, Buy beautiful clothes nd hung in my wardrobe they look like a capsule wardrobe with a neutral colour palette, I've spent ages researching on Pinterest to what suits my body shape along with colours. I used a website called Dressipi to help too.

yet when I put them on I feel tiny and fat, i'm not sure if its my own image of what I look like versus the realisation or the clothes which are at fault.

I think a personal shopper/stylist could help though.

Yes I suppose I look and buy things thinking it looks really nice or perfect but then I put it on and just feel bleurgh - not awful, just plain and boring

Firstly, take everything out of your wardrobe and do a major cull. Go through every item. You must 100% love it and only then does it deserve a place in your wardrobe. Only buy clothes and shoes you genuinely love. If you dont, either send them back (if theyre new), sell them or send to charity shop. I did this five years ago and honestly I'm actually happier in myself for doing it. I still cull every year or so.

Im so fussy now. And i rarely buy man made materials. I buy cotton, silk, wool mostly. And most of my wardrobe can be paired with other items if that makes sense?

Yes I'm at least half a stone overweight which hasn't helped dressing for summer. I'm a 12-14 and trying to lose the half a stone. I have a c section overhang too so dive I had my child I've had to learn a whole new way of dressing to hide this. Not that I ever flaunted my stomach but I could at least wear a fitted top before but now I have to have ones that flare out from the bust.

OP I’m the same - what I’d really love is a uniform a la Serena Joy in the Handmaid’s Tale (without all the female oppression, politics etc!)

I did a colour and style consultation and it made the world of difference. Cost a bit upfront but it's paid for itself many times over. They look at more than just your body shape - in my case for example they looked at face shape, body proportions as well as shape (e.g. short legs, long neck), personality. Guidance on accessories etc. Also, the colour swatch gave me confidence to wear colours I love but wouldn't normally have dared.

Before I did it, I knew which of my clothes I really loved but couldn't always say why. I have a much better sense now when I walk into a shop whether things are a yes or a no before I even try them on or whether the range is in my colour palette.

You say you have enough money to buy nice clothes so I would really recommend this as an investment. By the way, it's also a fun day out.

My first tip would be stop buying anything new!

Like coconutamericano I suggest a cull. Be brutal - or get a friend to be brutal - and get rid of anything that you put on and don't love. When i did this I got rid of so much stuff and was a little horrified at the waste! Now if I wear something and go hmmm it goes to the left hand side of my wardrobe - every 3/4 months I get rid of stuff still hanging there. If I haven't worn it - it goes.

Then I made a list of what I really needed - in my case tops to go with trousers but not tshirts which I realise just never look good on me - expensive or cheap. When I shopped I only bought stuff on that list.
Second list was accessories - be equally brutal on shoes, bags and stuff. I hate jewellery so won't ever be a 'statement cuff' or earrings person as much as I like the sound of them. I do like scarfs but only certain types and colours. I notice that if I wore shoes, bags, accessories that I liked, I actually felt better overall about my outfit.

I reckon it's taken me 12-18 months to really get a wardrobe I genuinely love. And I've got much better at working out what suits me so I make less mistakes of buying something I love but which ultimately I'll never wear.

Another vote for a colour and style consultation

Read Marie Kondo.

I'm going to be a bit controversial & say don't have a 'consultation' or at least don't rely on it too much. Trust your instinct. You'll know / feel what works for you & your body shape. If high waist trousers work then concentrate on those; don't feel you 'should' have certain items just because others (advisors, Pinterest etc) decree that those items should form part of a capsule.

Sometimes I think problems arise when there is a confusion between what you know feels good on your body and what you see others wearing / what is fashionable / what you see in shops etc.

Sorry not v helpful probably...but that's where I've made mistakes in the past,

Also (something I'm aware of since my style consultation, see above!!), what is 'classically' elegant or classy may not look that way on you. I too look frumpy if I wear a tailored suit for example, no matter how expensive or well made. Therefore, when choosing, don't look at the garment itself, or how others look in it, only at yourself and how it makes you look. Do you look fabulous in it?

I second the people who say stop buying clothes. Do the wardrobe cull as perfectly demonstrated by coconutamericano and yakari but first read Marie Kondo .... she is great at telling you how to find what you really love.

After finding what you love in your wardrobe - and there might only be two things - then decide why you love these clothes and try to build from there. So if you always wear jeans but your wardrobe cull leaves you with only two dresses that you adore, ask yourself would you be happier wearing dresses than wearing jeans ? Sometimes we wear what we think we should but really we should wear what makes us feel good.

My mum had a theory that you should look your best and wear your best every day - she always looked fab, even in her 70's - whereas her friend only ever wore leggings and saved her best clothes for going out . My mum laughed that her friend would never go out enough in her life to get enough wear out of those good clothes.

So I am trying to say in a very roundabout way that you should wear what you feel happy in and when you find that perhaps go for a style consultation to get more of those items, be they dresses, wide leg trousers, skinny jeans, whatever items you enjoy wearing, not what you think you should be wearing.

I so agree with Annasgirl's mum - of course there are days when I wear leggings and a sweatshirt but I found there were plenty of days I 'could' wear nicer clothes or clothes I loved but didn't. Making a real effort to not default to wearing sports leggings but even just to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt made a massive difference and became as easy a habit very quickly.

Lose the half stone first. I am about 2 stone overweight and am looking longingly at the desigual in my wardrobe.
I will do slimming world in September and be ready for next year. ( I am realistic about my lack of willpower.)

Once your body is the size you want, up it will be easier to do the cull.

I think what I was trying to say is the same as Anna's girl. Clearly not as clearly!

Stop following other people's ideas for a capsule wardrobe and think of your own needs for a capsule! I do follow the idea of a capsule wardrobe but I do hate most of what other people have on pintrest. I hate that it's all neutral colours, black white and grey and all blah blah blah. Personally I love colour and patterns. So I build my wardrobe around dark neutral colours on the bottom, bright coloured and pattern tops and then neutral layering items like cardigan, jacket etc.

Check out a fashion blogger called 'Use Less', she's Danish and follows a capsule wardrobe, she has lots of stuff on You Tube. The capsule side of it can be too limiting for most but I've found the way she categorises her wardrobe useful (a basic capsule with additional pieces in sections eg, occasion wear, seasonal etc)

I've found it useful for doing a big wardrobe cull and reorganising everything, its made day to day outfits easier to choose.

I love Use Less too!

@CoconutAmericano she's great isn't she, I only found her on Instagram recently but mainly only follow her on You Tube.

I have already done a big cull (kind of using the kondo method) and have chucked out lots as a result of that. It's ongoing and I'm trying to be harsh with what's left. I have about 100 pieces in my wardrobe. I want to whittle it down more but also don't want to be left with nothing.

She is nipersvest and it helps that I love that clean fuss free Scandi style anyway. I was watching her yt video on her five (I think it was five) basics she couldnt live without yesterday. She won’t steer you wrong!

OP, why don't you whittle it down more by putting things you don't love in a clear box that you hide on top of your wardrobe, then you have not completely culled something you might need, but you could find that you love having just a few items to choose from. After the Kodo clear out I had 2 pairs of jeans (same type) one pair of velvet jeans, three tops, one blazer, two coats and I found that was plenty for the winter months. You would be surprised at how little you actually need to wear.

One disclaimer, I have heard the Marie Kondo method criticised as being a rich person's indulgence and it is true that you should only discard something if you really do not need it and don't love it - don't throw away snow boots if it means you have to buy them next year, if you live in Scotland for instance. But most of us can survive with less - look at Mark Zukerberg and his grey uniform, or Vera Wang and her all black top and trousers. With an uncluttered wardrobe of clothes you love, it takes 5 minutes to get dressed to go anywhere.

Personally I would suggest shifting your focus away from clothing and look at updating your hair and make-up.

The clothes will probably accentuate then.