Friend's comment on my appearance

[Fuzzyend]

Over a couple of glasses of wine with a few friends, there was some generally moaning about hair, weight, body, skin , aging etc. And a friend said (genuinely, not intended to be bitchy), "I think it's great that Fuzzy doesn't worry about her appearance and is just happy." ........! There was laughter all round when she realised what she had said, but it was out there and no-one tried to deny the truth of the statement.

But I do worry! And l try to look decent, but I'm clearly missing the mark somewhat.

I think my clothes are the main problem. I'm 40 something, tallish, could do with loosing a stone. How do I learn what to do? Blogs, magazines, shops??

I think it's about time I got the hang of this.

Any thoughts?

Well that was bloody rude, intentional or not! I always make an effort with my appearance but still look shit. I have quite bad skin, not a naturally pretty face, and my dress sense isn't brilliant. I'd love to see some good tips on here ! Sorry no advice op

If I didn’t make an effort, I’d look like a bag lady!

Bad skin, on treatment for it
Bad hair, deep conditioning overnight treatments twice a week, awesome colour
Bad brows, get them waxed once a month
Do nails blunt and pale

I buy a couple of things a month, keep it simple, less chance of getting it wrong!

Get a friend not that one) to go shopping with you... start with one great outfit, not sure of your style, but a pair of jeans and a white gauzy shirt looks great imo. Plain silver jewellery

Buy cheap, buy twice :)

Regardless of what your 'friend' has said, are you happy with how you look?

I'd say as I've got older and had kids, I do need a bit more maintenance. Little things like keeping on top of hair colour and cut, doing your nails, wearing a little bit of make up do make a big difference I think. Also making sure things like shoes are polished etc.

What do you think the problem is with your clothes? Is it the fit, are they a bit well worn? Not fashionable? Have a look online or things like pintrest about capsule wardrobes. It's about finding a small number of decent quality clothes that can be used for any occasion. Since I've started using these for inspiration, I feel like I'm better dressed. I do buy more expensive things now though I don't buy as much and I generally avoid anything too fashionable that will date quickly. Make sure things fit and suit your shape now as well.

Glad it's not just me Kitty!

I look at people (irl or magazines) and can think she looks great - but I've no idea why!

I can't identify what it is that looks good. So unless I copied the whole outfit (and had the same body shape etc) - i can't apply it to myself.

How do you analyse WHY someone looks good?

Maybe it wasn't an insult. Maybe she meant that you look confident and happy in your own skin. That's a good look.

Hmmm, I don't think it was an insult, but I don't think it was really a complement either!

What's your height, weight and body shape?

Are you fit and toned?

What's your hair like?

What's your colouring?

I’d say that was thoughtless, rather than an insult....maybe.

I changed to a different hairdresser when he said ‘you don’t do much to your hair, do you?’. No, just got it cut every 6 weeks in your expensive salon, washed every other day... I think he meant I don’t faff about with blow-drying and all that malarkey.

Did she say it because everyone was complaining about their appearance except you?
Maybe she thinks you look great. She said you don't worry about your appearance which is different to not making an effort. You could be overthinking it.

Quite a few years ago, about 4 years ago I had a free consultation with a stylist at my local shopping mall. She was independent. It was fab! She had great advice and what I remember is that she told me to find a celebrity that I liked and who had similar colour hair to me and copy some outfits! That celebrity has probably had a stylist style them and that’s probably why they look put together. She advised me to buy a nice expensive pair of leather pumps (and if I found them comfortable get another pair in a different colour) and to get a statement scarf, at the time an animal print one was ‘in’. She suggested a denim jacket or denim shirt and to wear it open and fold up the cuffs to make it less ‘bulky’. A top quality cardigan in a black and white Aztec type pattern was suggested as a sort of timeless piece. I felt great after her advise and I really have lost my way a bit this last year and I should definitely try and remember her words! She had suggested Jessica Alba to me, not that I look as pretty as her, but she’s a similar age and has youngish kids (similar to me).

Send some pics of you. Blur out ur face or cut of pic at neck.

We can then see more of what you mean.

Where are you shopping?

A few classic items but a team with snazzy bag earrings or scarve may help.

But pics will help massively.

I’d be really flattered by that and would take it as a compliment.
But then, I am genuinely happy with how I look and don’t worry about my appearance. I think scruffy suits me!

Don't lose your own style and preferences though: most stylists try to push generic feminine dressing on to people.

Good fit is very important, including alterations if necessary, but that doesn't have to mean everything looking very body-con.

A really good haircut, and decent frames if you wear glasses, can help a lot and can upgrade some bland outfits.

What sort of things do you like? Who (relatively realistically) would you like to dress like?

There's someone I think this about, but have never said anything about, and who's the same age. (She could comfortably afford other clothes, just seems uninterested in them.) The main things I'd want to suggest to her would be to get some different jackets and coats, especially a blazer or two, and save the fleeces for hiking, and consider some smarter shoes for non-sports occasions rather than trainers and approach shoes all the time (just brogues or flattish ankle boots, would never insist people wore heels). Jeans could fit better without looking skin tight. Sofie Grabol as Sarah Lund, even if that series is a few years old now, would be an example of how she could maintain basically the same style whilst looking a bit tidier.

I read it as you came across free and confident - no outwardly obsessing about superficial things.

If you are not happy about how you look, you're clearly doing a good job hiding it.

I bet you exude a confidence that they are picking up on

However, if you feel you want to change things a little - do it...People on here will help! LOL

Down Udderer’s stylist gave good advice.

I’d suggest consulting the professionals if you’re not naturally gifted at putting outfits together. Most department stores have personal shoppers, and friends who have been to see them are really positive about the experience.

The magazines I get fashion inspiration from now are...wait for it...Woman and Home, Good Housekeeping and Red. I never see anything inspiring in Vogue, Elle, Grazia etc. Too fashion forward. The clothes in the other mags tend to be more value-orientated, and you need better fabrics, colours and cuts when you’re not 25 any more. I am 46 and I’m often complimented on my clothes, by the way. I don’t dress like a granny!

I see some good ideas on ‘Does my bum look 40’ too.

Re grooming, you definitely have to spend more time on it as time goes on. Tweezing, hair colouring, exercising, hair conditioning, mastering that art of subtle fake tan. Christ, it’s exhausting. I still do it, though.

(I also think that your friend was thoughtless, rather than spiteful, by the way. You are still young and you’re on the tall side, so that’s two advantages. Good luck.)

Didn't she just mean that you don't worry about it as in you don't worry about it? I wouldn't take it that it meant you didn't make an effort, more that you don't waste time worrying about something that isn't worth worrying about. Plus, she said you were happy, which is a nice thing to be told since don't we all want to be happy? And, happiness will make you shine whatever you look like, so that's clearly the biggest thing your friend is picking up on rather than superficial looks. I think it's a huge compliment and would be pleased. Let them worry about how they look and stay cool and happy as clearly at least one person is envious of that (which means it's a good thing, I think).

I’d take it as a compliment , listening to people moaning about their appearance is tiresome and boring , I’m always envious of people who don’t seem to give it much headroom , it doesn’t mean you aren’t well out together it means you are probably natural and effortless .

I would recommend spending the time and money on a style and colour consultant- to know how to dress for your body shape / personality and colouring makes the whole thing more of a science rather than an art and imo will be worth it. Try house of colour.

I think it was rude.
Other than that I have no advice, sorry!

Could your friend have said this because you were the only one not moaning about your appearance?