Help needed. Feel fat, sad, tired & boring.

[GrittySandals]

I've been watching some YouTube videos in an effort to get inspired, but all the people on there are already young, slim, attractive.

Any realistic tips which will help someone like me feel and look a bit more stylish? When I say someone like me, I mean someone who:

1. Is overweight, big bum, fat tum,
2. Has spots
3. Oily skin
4. Can't be bothered with clothes, live in black jeans a few basic t shirts, or a maxi dress/ skirt

I feel so lethargic and know I look a mess but feel hopeless. Maybe I should just accept how I am and not feel I need to change, but I used to feel inspired by clothes / style.

I am due to start a new job and don't know what to wear. Nothing fits me except said jeans & t shirts, plus one black maxi dress and black maxi skirt, and I have no money, and even less inclination to shop..

I have been happy to wear little or no make up while at home, but feel I should wear make up when start new job, if nothing else to cover bad skin.

Thoughts?

I think accessories could be the answer.

Jewellery or scarves or a flower can really liven up an outfit.

Could you get a hair cut before the new job starts?

Then I would say

5 portions fruit and vegetables every day
Water water water
A walk every day
Listen to some good music.

Hang on are you ummm me
Thats my exact wardrobe body and life right now and also feeling the same so will be here for a chat and abit of learning as im also lostx

OP, you sound really down on yourself. If I were you I’d tackle the weight... even with little money it’s easy to dress a slimmer figure. If it’s botherinng you then make an effort to slim down. Then you will feel good about buying new clothes.
I ageee that basic t shirts and jeans can look a million times better with a nice necklace or a scarf. A good leather handbag and nice coat in winter will also make you feel more stylish. If money is tight, you can find these things in a charity shop.
Then build your wardrobe up slowly.. but one thing a month if you can afford it but make it the best quality you can afford. So think natural fibres like cotton and wool and plain colours

*buy one thing a month..

Betsy - hopefully we will get done advice here!

Calzone, thanks. I do have some scarves (for when the heatwave has gone) but struggle with tying / draping technique- they always seem to hang / look / feel awkward. Tips gratefully recd!

I don't want to cut my hair, it's the least disastrous part of me and trying to grow it. A blow dry would be lovely but I am honestly broke!

Oly, thank you.

It would be easier if I lost weight. I am down in myself, and it's so hard to do anything positive when you don't have the right frame of mind.

I comfort eat when I feel down, and when I look in the mirror I then feel 'oh well it doesn't matter, I hate myself anyway...'

Go to primark and get some cheap bits to brighten yourself up.

What size are you?
How tall are you?
What’s your colouring like?

I also have problems with healthy attitude to eating.

I had a mental health breakdown last year and literally stopped eating. I ate 400 cal per day for 2 weeks and at the end of the fortnight woke up one night in severe pain, I tried to get to the bathroom and passed out and injured myself falling down.

That scared me into eating more... and the amounts just went up and up gradually over the course of the year hence why I'm now overweight.

I am 5 ft 4, the jeans I have are size 14 but tight, so I'm prob size 16.

I have v pale skin which goes red in the heat.

I have mousy hair with some highlights left in it.

You sound like me :-) even down to the looking in the mirror and eating more.
I just waved goodbye to my wardrobe size 14 as i moved up to 16.

Things that make me feel better are: perfumes that I like, good make up and good hairstyle.

And chocolate but I realize that's slightly unhelpful (both for you and me). ;)

I moved up to a size 16 this year for the first time ever, usually size 12, maybe 14 in some shops. I'm in my 50s and can definitely see my figure changing, always been apple shaped but now piling it on there. I eat when I'm bored or unhappy and I've been struggling with depression for the last few years so really struggle not to eat junk. I can't bear to look in the mirror and the only thing I like about myself is my long curly hair that is only showing a few grey strands I'm dyeing at home. I've no money for hair cuts or clothes and the way I look isn't helping my depression.

Sorry you feel this way, wish I had some advice

Okay I'm not one to advise but when I started exercising I felt completely empowered. I've stopped now after being unwell but I should get back into it. I was really tired (and fat and everything else) but after a few days of exercise I had a huge burst of energy and I kept going. Definitely consider it. 20 minutes a few days a week can do a lot.

Oh OP, I feel for you. I have definitely been there. The warm weather always highlights everything that I find wrong with myself.

First of all, a bit of self love. You’re down on yourself. Think of all the wonderful things your body can and does do for you every day. Don’t just punish yourself for not looking a certain way.

Starting a new job can be daunting so it’s good to go into it with confidence and feeling happy in your appearance is key. Sorting your skin out could go a long way to helping improve your self confidence.

I’m also oily and used to get pretty bad spots. Mine were hormonal so I went on the pill. Yours could also be hormonal, maybe worth speaking to your GP about. My spots cleared up but I keep my oily skin in check by using a daily AHA+BHA acid toner. Look at Nip+Fav glycolic pads. Not too expensive and worth every penny. Use a very gentle non-astringent cleanser and hot flannel on your face in the morning and night.

Don’t use anything too scrubby or soapy on your face as it’ll aggravate it.

As for clothes find some plus size bloggers and follow them. You’ll get inspiration for things that will suit your body and probably gain a bit more positivity and love for yourself, rather than feeling shit about yourself watching the same old thin chicks.

If money is an issue find a few items you think will stand you in good stead for your new job. A good quality shirt, some well cut trousers, a good dress and jacket. Whatever kind of clothes fit your new role.

Good luck to you!

I have oily skin and spots (if I leave my skin to its own devices) and I use Duac on prescription from the GP, which works for me. Having clear skin makes a huge difference to how I feel about making an effort, so I recommend seeing the GP about that.

Agree with looking after yourself, have nice baths, scrub your skin and use a body lotion (superdrug have cheap and lovely ones) and agree with wearing jewellery - a simple colourful necklace will jazz up a black maxi and make you look pulled together.

Above all be kind to yourself and treat yourself like you would if you were tasked with caring for someone who feels sad and low like you do. Make that person feel better and looked after.

I have a few ideas but feel free to ignore/delete/poo-poo as you feel.

1. Have your colours done - I know a few people on here don't like it but its a lovely experience and if you're wearing black all the time then you're definitely not making the most of how colour can make you feel. I had mine done and its so true that wearing certain colours instantly makes me look less tired and gives me more confidence

2. Cut down on sugar and processed carbs, they are really not good for you and your body is probably feeling lethargic from them. You know all this but plenty of water, salad and good protein will make you feel much better

3. Go outside and BREATHE. Enjoy being outside and seeing nature. Go for walks just to get out.

4. Skincare - email The Ordinary just as a starting point and get a selection of things to try. Its so cheap its good fun. You'll need to think about a few light acids like sacylic acid and glycolic acid and retinols as well as a decent moisturiser but they can advise you better than I. Made a huge difference to my spotty skin and now I have the skin of a 39 year old instead of a 50 year old (I like to think!)

5. Get hair done and conditioned. Also make up, you don't need much but need some definition. Google 'make up for older women' there's an older woman I found on there after searching for 'make up for hooded lids' she's' blond, has some sexy east European accent but really good for older style and make up. Sorry I can't recall her name :-)

I'll think of more between flinging pasta at the kids! Chin up :-)

I work with loads of women about your size and they generally look fabulous. You sound a bit depressed OP. I would work on health first. Eat well, loads of water, a brisk walk every day. You are worth looking after.

How old are you?

Agree with PPs, concentrate on upping your exercise and eating lots of fruit and veg. Get to bed by good time every evening and do something fun for you each day as well, doesn't need to be big but set aside 30-60 mins to read a good book/watch a good programme/ enjoy the garden/have a walk/do some exercise, whatever will give you joy.

Appearance wise go for quick wins so haircut/manicure/new shoes. Whatever floats your boat to lift the way you feel and look.

Thanks all. I am making notes.

I'm 47.

3 simple things to start:

lots of water, every time you'd like a tea or coffee water first

If you're feeling dull then 'make up' everyday even at home it just will lift your spirit and make you ready to venture out

Feeling lethargic - make sure you walk somewhere everyday, it is such a mood booster. If you're feeling lonely then somewhere crowded or feeling like you need time then somewhere quite

Tipsy- do the ordinary send out free samples if you contact them..?

Hello Gritty, I'm not sure about the free samples but since each 'thing' is only £5 I just tend to play around a bit. Like I said it does depend entirely on your skin type and they have an email service so I don't want to start saying 'use X' if that turns you purple. I haven't had a spot in 2 years since I started being serious about looking after my skin though! Amazing.

Tipsy- oh ok thank you. So if I email them & describe my skin sounds like they might be able to recommend something. Thanks for the tip.

I don’t have much advice but I really hope you get your Va Va Voom back.
For me, what worked was that I prioritised me for a little while. I did things like stop drinking for a bit (makes a big difference to how you sleep and how you feel) cut out processed food as much as possible (but realistically) and got in some exercise.
I treated myself to some stuff from the ordinary which gave my skin a real boost. I also visited a Benefit counter and got some advice on make up. I just wanted to look “groomed” and “together”
For me that was a tinted moisturiser (I ended up with Laura Mercier) and porefessional cream and powder (benefit) and Brow gel from Benefit. I also got Boing undereye concealer (which I would now have on a desert island with me) and a white eyeliner and a lick of mascara. It’s just enough to make me look groomed but not so much that it’s time consuming or “not me”.
I’d suggest a visit to some make up counters to see what works for you and perhaps head for the counter where the sales assistant looks most like how you would like to look.
Good luck.

Op, I feel for you. 3 years ago at 57 I was 16.5 stone, size 22/24 and really struggling. I’m now 60, just over eleven stone and a size 12. But the weight loss is recent, I couldn’t even begin to tackle it till I felt better about myself. Initially I bought a few things that actually fitted me - mainly harem type trousers and loose tops. Looking back at pictures, I didn’t look that great, but it was a huge improvement on where I was. I didn’t spend much money, and my aim initially was to have three outfits that fitted me andcould all be mixed and matched. Then I joined the skincare threads on here, and got a simple skin routine that worked. Next was a promise to myself that everyday straight after a shower, I’d put on mascara, lipgloss, perfume and earrings, even if I wasn’t leaving the house. I gradually built in little incremental changes, each one building on the one before, then 15 months ago I tackled the weight. Honestly, at 60, I look and more I potantly, feel, better than I have for 20 years. Part of my success I think has been looking at it like a project, rather than trying to change everything at once, getting overwhelmed and abandoning it. Good luck!