Being compared to another woman

[EllieRigby]

A horrid man who is no longer in my life once told me another specific woman is hotter than me. As it happens this other woman isn’t very nice either.

I have to see this woman often and it’s always there in the back of my mind that comment and makes me feel quite bad about how I look whenever I do as she’s so effortlessly groomed.

What would you do to make yourself feel better? How do you rise above this?

The man is horrid and not in your life so why does his opinion matter so much to you? After all it is just his opinion. And possibly he said this purposely to make you feel bad. In which case it probably isn't true. Even if it is - if she is 'effortlessly' groomed it is almost certainly not without effort. If you want to make yourself feel better you need to let the comment go and focus on your positive qualities irregardless of anybody else.

I know this rationally. I guess I’m just looking for advice on little pick me ups for such situations

If you are feeling rubbish about yourself, get a good haircut, do your nails, wear a bit of make up and wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. You will then also look effortlessly groomed. Or hold a compliment someone has paid you in the past in mind and when you feel negative on seeing her, repeat it over and over!

Trouble is, there are always going to be people 'hotter' than you. But there will also be people who think you are hotter.

Hotter? Yeah, a lot of people are hotter in this weather.

I am a week older than Angelina Jolie - I am plumper, paler and have disorderly curly hair. But guess who looks younger and has a lovelier smile . Sorry, Miss Jolie!

Seriously, you have to find your love for yourself.

I immediately disregard the opinion of anyone I think is a horrible person.

There’s ALWAYS someone taller, shorter, fatter, thinner, wealthier, poorer, kinder, nastier than (whoever). Who cares? Just rise above it. It was a stupid throwaway comment, an opinion from a man who talks like an adolescent and is no long (praise be)part of your life! Be you. You’re fine as you are. If you want to lose a few pounds/gain a few pounds or dye your hair orange or blue of whatever, do it. Bollocks to everyone else. Life is not a competition. And as I said in my opening line, we are all different.

Someone who wants to hurt your feelings will say whatever they think will do the job. There doesn't need to be any sense to it, only that they want to get to you. If you keep in mind the negative motivation behind the comments you may feel more able to detatch from them. It's unpleasant that you'll be reminded of the comments when you see the 'hotter' woman, that's true.

Along the lines of what pp have said, I think it feels good to take yourself out of the running and stop comparing yourself to her. If she's not very nice, maybe have a five minute fantasy about what made her that way. I sometimes reframe the situation to think about what might have made someone a bitter/toxic (or xyz, whatever their unpleasant trait is) person and what it must like to live that life and be that way all the time (whereas I can just walk away and the interaction is over). If you can feel sorry for her you might feel less vulnerable around her.

Also maybe some pick-me-up cognitive exercises - ? www.bakadesuyo.com/2013/10/how-to-get-happy/
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/living-forward/201501/improve-your-self-esteem-one-simple-exercise

Just some tlc and a new, fun, superficial accessory or treatment can make you feel renewed. I had a great experience having a makeover in MAC (it can go either way though so don't attach too much importance to it). I also feel like a pedicure and fake tan have magical properties.

Prefix any thoughts with 'in his opinion' one twatburger of a man's opinion (quite possibly loaded to upset you?).
My CBT lady told me to imagine each intrusive thought is knocking at the door and choose not to answer. After years of such shite playing on my mind this simple trick works. Do not answer when this tosser of a man and his pathetic opinions come knocking.

His opinion is not fact. You don't like the guy so do you even want to be what he is attracted to? Didn't think so.
Plus as mrsdewinter says he may have been saying it to get to you and make you doubt yourself. Are you going to let that idiot do that to you? No!
Instead focus on being who you want to be in looks and personality and and then you'll feel more self-confident.

I know how you feel, my significant ex told me that I only had ugly friends to make me look even prettier, , unfortunately I have dwelt on the negative connotation, ie that I wasn't that pretty and it ruled my adult life . It was only a few months ago that someone posted an old school photo on Facebook. I could recognise some people but there was a really pretty girl in the back row and when I hovered over it it had been tagged as me. I had taken one comment by someone I now know to be emotionally abusive, thanks Mumsnet, and let it affect me emotionally.

I've now given up caring what other people think of my looks and am trying to rebuild my confidence. Don't compare yourself to others she may be well groomed but she may not be too secure either

Maybe you could pay this woman a compliment next time you see her. That might help you to feel more in control (and you might see a nicer side of her).

Ellie, I’d agree, nice hair, smell sexy, smile. Take a look honestly at this woman and see what the fuss is about. I suspect this guy just wanted to dig at you so don’t let it hurt yo7 too much.

My ex apparently had a thing for his new gf when he met her, whilst supposedly with me. I was gutted and scoured sites to try and glam myself up and give myself back the confidence I’d lost. Same sort of thing, fitted clothes, nice hair, losing weight, confidence, all makes the cut

Thanks everyone x I especially like the idea of paying the other woman a compliment

even if he thought she was hotter than you, it doesnt mean youre not hot nor does it have any relvence to your value as a person.
She might be attractive to him. WHo cares. Shes not fucking him either. Probably noone is

Pretty much everyone is hotter than me and I'm always the fattest/slowest (know my stuff tho) person in the gym I go to, I wouldn't leave the house if I actually dwelled on this. Just stops you doing stuff.

There’s always someone hotter than you, richer than you, thinner than you etc etc. Comparison is the thief of joy

Sorry, but before he said this, did you think you were the most beautiful woman in the world? As others have said, even very pretty women will find women who are prettier than them. Where's the issue?