How can I dress to look older?

[marellocherry25]

Hey ladies,

I'm in my mid-30's and am repeatedly mistaken for being early 20s. This usually gets a load of "you'll love it when you're older"-type comments but right now it's very frustrating. People's first impressions of me at work are usually to assume I'm in my first job etc.

I'm 5'4", size 6-8, big bum, flat chest, black wavy hair. Can you lovely ladies please help me out with what I can wear to look older? My work isn't corporate so I'd prefer to look funky to power dressing.

I should add that I struggle to find clothes that fit. I'm a normal weight but Zara sizeXS is too big etc. I seem to end up in a lot of stretchy jeans and cotton t-shirts just because they fit.

I'd even be prepared to pay for a personal stylist if anyone has recommendations for someone in London.

People in their 30s don't dress like old people.

They are probably more likely to have their own style though.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here and just advise you to find your style, which involves knowing how to flatter your colouring and your body shape imo.

Thank you. I didn't say I wanted to dress "like an old person". My aim is to look my age and not be mistaken for a student.

Suggestions on "how to find my style", stylist recommendations, or shops that stock smaller sizes that are work appropriate would also be really appreciated.

I'm not entirely sure what benefit of doubt I need to be given, but I freely admit I have no sense of style. I find shopping really demotivating because most of the time I find something I like it doesn't fit.

Plain mainly neutral colours are sort of ageless. I get many fewer questions about my age these days now I wear make up - foundation, eyeshadow, mascara, lipstick - hair up, fitted clothes rather than loose. I personally like a severe and quite practical look (my work isn't corporate either) with some sharp glasses (I do need them) and jewellery - for example I have a single black pearl on a silver chain that I wear a lot.

Appreciate none of that is any good if you prefer funky...but the make-up does help, I haven't been id'd for a while now since I started wearing it every day. (I'm 38, most people think I'm mid-to-late 20s.)

I also think the way you carry yourself has something to do with it. Present assurance and people tend to go with that. Oh, and extra height really helps me...just a low block heel even.

I don't have the same size problems as you but I have others of my own, it takes me ages to find things that work and lots of things get sent back. But that's OK.

Would you consider getting things tailored to you? I know it costs more but it does work.

There is a stylist on FB/Instagram called Susie Hasler who will do an online style analysis - I'm not that keen on her actual style but the analysis is affordable - £45 or something? May be worth trying as she will give recommendations for shops also. (and no, I'm not her, or related to her, or have any commercial relationship with her!) She has a Facebook community to ask questions on as well.

John Lewis do a free personalised stylist session which, if you can get to easily, might be worth a go. I haven't tried it but I gather they don't pressurise you into buying anything you don't want to and it would give them the job of finding things to fit.

They also have an online 'personal style edit' which I quite enjoy playing around with. You input various likes and dislikes and what sort of clothes you want and it comes up with suggestions. I don't like everything it suggests but I feel I'm sort of training it up, as it's getting closer to my taste. You also put in your measurements so it knows what size to suggest in different brands which is pretty useful in itself. (It's powered by what used to be a standalone website called Dressipi.)

If you're usually in jeans and t shirts, do you think the next step might be slightly smarter trousers and 'tops'? Ankle grazers with lots of stretch? I don't know about who does smaller sizes though.

Initiative? Use it.

I'm sorry but I'm completely missing the point, how can you have a big bum and only be a size 6/8 at 5"4. Try being a 16, then you'll know big bum...

People don't believe I'm the age I am either. Before I tell them they think I'm way younger. I'm early thirties they probably think I'm early twenties or something.

Even if I dressed 'better' (don't really think better as who knows what better is) I don't think people would think I'm older.

I'm a fair bit shorter than you although doesn't sound like I'm as small as you as I fit in size 8 tops.

I've had comments all my life. I've come to just accept it now

"how can you have a big bum and only be a size 6/8 at 5"4. Try being a 16, then you'll know big bum..."

You can have a big bum proportional to your size...depends on your body shape (OP, you sound like you might be a pear shape?)

How about trousers like these with a neat linen shirt?

Would you wear something like these checked trousers with a smartish t shirt?

Twinset and pearls

All I'd say to you is, you lucky bugger. Don't worry your face will catch up with your age soon or later.

Also you could check out the Parisian threads here, they are so good.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/3256958-This-thread-is-about-as-French-as-a-Sainsburys-baguette?watched=1&msgid=78402849#prettyPhoto

People never understand how difficult it can be if you look young at work. It use to drive me mad, men in particular can be very patronising if they think you are young and inexperienced. My 30s were a constant battle to be taken seriously. It's one of the advantages of age, I'm nearly 50 now and get the respect I deserve at last.

Anyway, clothing does help. Swap the jeans for trousers or wear darker denims in shapes that are fashionable, e.g. a cropped wideleg jean will look older (in a good way) than jeggings. Or wear dresses. Wear tops or shirts rather than t-shirts, UNIQLO do small sizes, as do TopShop and all the 'teenage' brands. Avoid slogan t-shirts. Boden do petite blazers that might help as well. Do you wear trainers? Maybe wear smarter shoes, e.g. brogues or loafers.

Agree with a PP about wearing a minimal range of colours, it makes it easier to get dressed in the morning if everything goes together. Also, what is your hair like? Is it long and usually in a ponytail? Cut it into a proper style. I guess you want to aim for a look that suggests you have money rather than wearing cheap and cheerful like that's all you can afford.

Oh, and when you get to your 40s you need to change your style again and will have to dress 'young' to look professional. Some of the things I'm telling you not to do I do all the time now

I totally get your problem - not just a problem for meetings etc, but in my late 20s in a professional job when I travelled a lot for work I used to (alarmingly frequently) get chatted up by creepy blokes on trains who thought I was a schoolgirl. (I'm 5' 1" / 7 stone / no boobs)

Sadly I never came up with the answer, clothes-wise but I really, really, really appreciate it now that I'm in my late 40s and people automatically treat me like someone who knows what they're talking about.

The only thing I found helped faintly was to dress corporate/smart in a very tailored suit, which sounds like it isn't an option for you. Fitted/tailored is probably your best bet though.

OP, this is the world's most obvious advice, but have you tried TopShop? Their sizes are reliably tiny, and they offer loads of office basics like fitted skirts, plain tops and work-style trousers.

I'd get a load of simple basics (in black, white and a neutral) and then start experimenting with accessories.

I used to work for a fashion magazine and the girls there lived in a mix of TopShop and wildly expensive designer pieces. So like a beautiful sexy white silk shirt, with ripped jeans and a n amazing charity/shop belt, with a pair of great loafers. Or a fitted black dress, worn with an edgy biker jacket.

Find a blogger whose style you like and copy her, or go have lunch near a fashion magazine/another glamorous venue and watch the girls come and go and see which outfits you particularly like, then copy them!

When you start thinking of clothes as fun, it all gets a lot more enjoyable. You have the figure to look great in many things.