friends or lack of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[helskels]

Can anyone help with some advise. I gave up my full time nursing job to look after my daughter full time. I had lots of friends within the hospital setting.

When i left everyone disappeared!

My childless(HER CHOICE) has'nt had anything to do with me for nion 2 years. Her and her husband are my daughters godparents.My husband and i did everything with them.

I have made a few friends since having my daughter.But i find no-one really wants to know me or my husband. I get invited to coffee atpeoplsouses and sit there whilst they discuss there next bar-b-q, day out etc. I have tried to join in the conversation but they end up maybe in another room to finalise arrangments. We never get invited to anything.

It sounds like a terrible sob story. Both my husband and i are very friendly, outgoing fall in with anyone sort of people. No airs or graces. We just don't understand it.

The latest thing now. I have just made a friend a couple of weeks ago. We made arrangments to meet. Sadly she cancelled and even more sad she passes me in the street and will not speak to me. I just don't get it.

I have joined a things with my daughter. People are in there little groups although they do say hello thats it. no matter how i try to strike up a conversation.

Can anyone tell me where i'm going wrong

without knowing you in either rl, or mn, i cant suggest anything as such.
but
life changes enormously after having a baby a dn giving up work. social circles change too. its a bit like moving house to a knew area where you dont know anyone, and have to start anew. you need to get out and try to meet people etc.
it sounds like you are trying but the people you have met just sound rude, and quite frankly, not worth it. real friends are hard to come by. even finding what i call 'timepass' friends arent that easy. i think you are donign the right things, asn d just need tokeep trying. iyswim

is there a huge financial gap between yourselve s and people you are meeting?

I refer to this person as a "friend" I have known her since christmas but she has only recently asked me to get together. Apologies for using the wrong word!

Yes there is a large financial gap between the friends i have made. They all wear designer clothes. Quite frankly i am a Marks and Sparks girl. which isn't quite up to scratch. I can only assume

I wouldnt worry about financial differences or anything like that

My suggestion would be to do the inviting - invite for girls night out/coffee/for a bbq etc - take the lead. Everyone likes to be asked. Collect email addresses so that can take any awkwardness out of making arrangements.

I think everyone feels that others are having more fun than them - so you are not alone and everyone likes to be invited out

Would agree to start doing the inviting - a friend of mine always says that if you want to be invited to places you have to start by issuing a lot of invitations yourself.

You and your DH sound lovely and sociable so perhaps do a BBQ and invite some people round on a weekend afternoon/early evening.

Saying this, not everyone will issue a return invite and there are often reasons which are nothing to do with you so try not to be offended. Some people have a lot of friends and family already or simply don't like people in their house - nothing to do with you or clothes you wear !

Depending how brave/confident you are you could also try a more direct approach - so if people are talking about a day out for instance then (before they move rooms to finalise arangements) you could perhaps say 'A day out to X , how lovely I've always wanted to go' rather than saying nothing.

People genuinely may have assumed you are not interested in joining in - at least this way you are making it clear you would like to be invited along.

The worst thing that can happen is that they will say there is no space/no tickets etc -just smile and say that next time they are going then you'd love to come.

thanks for all the advise.

I think maybe you are right i will suggest a night/day out perhaps if i make the 1st move.

Our garden is a very small 12ft x12ft. So bbqs are a little difficult.But yes a few friends around for drinks would be a start.

I have taken onboard whats been said I appreciate the response.