How to become more pulled together?!

[whendoesithappen]

I'm 30 I have teenage skin, my clothes are old ladyish, no matching underwear. I can't apply makeup or do nice hair up dos. Even when I buy new clothes I realise a few weeks later it's still not the look I'm going for. I don't have the money for hairdressers and nails and waxing etc, And lastly I'm overweight.

Please help me take steps to overhaul my life. The only thing I have going for me is I don't have any wrinkles!

When I'm overweight I waste money on clothes and am never satisfied with the look. I waste time and energy shopping for them. So my advice would be to tackle weight first and save money for a few months time, when you'll need and want new clothes. Take a look at MN Low carb bootcamp thread. Lots of support there. Hair, nails and skin can all be improved with time and a nutrition-rich diet and drinking plenty of water. The time is going to pass anyway, so it might as well pass with you losing weight each week and putting time into skin, nails, feet etc. Good luck

I have to agree that losing weight will make you look and feel better.

You’re worried about so much and it’s overwhelming.

Start with one thing. Maybe get a nail polish in a colour you love and commit to a diy manicure once a week. Then approach a makeup counter and ask for help with application. And so on, and so forth.

Teenage skin, I feel you. I’m on a drug combo that means I have simultaneous dry skin and acne. It’s an interesting look. My doctor has prescribed a gel for me which helps and you may be offered antibiotics (I can’t have them as they clash with my other drugs).

Don’t worry about matching undies. I don’t think many of us do (unless it’s black everything).

Come and join us on the 5:2 thread - great sustainable way of life to lose weight and more importantly keep it off - read the OP it has lots of awful information to help you decide if it's for you.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet/3141542-5-2-Thread-No-72-After-the-winter-feasting-here-comes-the-winter-fasting-We-jumped-into-January-we-won-t-freak-out-in-February-and-we-ll-March-on-together-in-the-Mighty-5-2-Army

Could you invest in a decent mask to help your skin in the meantime? Body shop oat mask is great for all skin types and nice and nourishing. Or a mud mask if your skin needs a good cleanse.

Agree with the others re losing weight before spending money on clothes. Perhaps you could create mini goals for weight loss eg when you lose 6lbs you will treat yourself to a haircut, another 6lbs and a facial etc etc and slowly start feeling like you are in control of every aspect of your being

OMG meant to say useful not awful info!!!

You're clearly not happy with your appearance but feeling overwhelmed. Start small, you really don't have to spend lots of money to look better!

So you're not sure how to style your hair. Well you can while away many an hour looking at YouTube tutorials to get the hang of that. Remember, practice makes perfect . The same applies to make up, there are a million "how to" tutorials on YouTube.

You don't need expensive products either. There are lots of very affordable makeup brands available in pharmacies. Honestly, everything doesn't have to be Chanel or Urban Decay, there are plenty of excellent dupes out there at a fraction of the price.

i dont think there is any magic solution and believe me, i've spend a load of time thinking why i look so scruffy compared to work colleagues and other school mums.

i think it all boils down to the effort you want to put in.

with the school mums, they diet, they go to gym, they regularly colour their hair and they iron clothes.

with work friends, its the same, they watch diet, they exercise and they don't just throw stuff on.

i dont feel too happy about my appearance, i have a stubborn belly to shift but i do have slim limbs, so i focus on that by wearing black skinnies to work with an over sized blouse.

i've also invested in almond toe or pointed flats to sharpen up my look. ive been wearing round toe ballet pumps for years and think this is a nice up date.

i dont get it right every day: some days i am bloated from over eating the day before, some days i have a puffy face and some days i wear creased, not ironed frumpy clothes just because i'm overjoyed to have something clean.

i'm aiming to look polished and out together about 3-4 times!!!!

sorry polished and put together 3-4 times per week.

That's true about the effort you put in Redmark, none of us just roll out of bed looking "put together". You just have to decide how much (or little) effort you're willing to put into it. I tend to make an effort for work, less for weekends though.

One of my nieces who I'd usually only see at weekends once saw me leaving for work and gasped before telling me I looked lovely and "oh you should dress up like that more often". I hadn't realized there was quite such a noticeable difference . I upped my game a bit after that !

But surely if your hair was done nice, your skin was clear and the clothes you bought suited you then it wouldn't take much effort to look nice?

Thank you all for taking the time to reply. Yes I think I am feeling overwhelmed and unhappy with myself. I've lost a stone already but still 2 to go. I'm just worried I'll get to goal and still feel like shit and look like a outdated frump.

Anyone know what's the best products for spotty skincare? My chin and jawline are awful especially at time of the month and I'm quite red across the nose anyway. ?

Well done on the stone you lost. You should be feeling proud and you're not far from goal. Seems a good idea to get your head ready for when you're at goal or near goal. So many people think that losing weight is the magic wand to make everything perfect in our lives. But you need to start liking yourself and valuing your time to feel 'together' IMO.

Good hair cut and colour. Good eyebrows. And have 2 things matching. Say like, a red stripe in a jumper and red earrings, red lipstick, or a red belt. Makes you look slightly ‘pulled together’.

But surely if your hair was done nice, your skin was clear and the clothes you bought suited you then it wouldn't take much effort to look nice?

Hair that looks done requires regular upkeep, cuts every 6 weeks, possibly dying if that's your thing, washing and blowdrying every day. Clear skin needs a good diet and plenty sleep (and exercise to get the blood flowing) to keep it looking good. Clothes that suit you and are up to date take time to find and care for and need replacing when they get faded or scruffy. Shoes need polishing.

Don't wait to do things - make yourself feel better now. You can still do justice to yourself at any weight and you are worth spending that care/time on at any weight. And I would bet that things like skin that you don't currently like aren't noticeable to others.

If you have enough for new clothes, you might be able to cobble together enough for a haircut - no need for dye etc, just a trim/basic restyle might make you feel smarter.

I updated my wardrobe this year after weight loss - TK Maxx and charity shops were my friends. My uniform now is skinnyish jeans, ankle boots and some of Uniqlo's merino sweaters - they may still have a sale on - with a choice of two necklaces. I'm not fashionable by any means but feel good every day.

Lipstick, tinted moisturiser, and mascara are easy to put on and you don't need to buy expensive ones for them to look good. A Simple face wash and Simple or Nivea moisturiser aren't expensive and you feel a lot better for taking the time for that bit of care every day.

My underwear doesn't match but I did go and get a proper bra fitting from Bravissimo and a pretty bra which makes me feel good. I don't do anything with nails, just keep them short and clean. I don't do any waxing or get eyebrows threaded but I do keep them neat. And I do make sure to iron clothes these days. I'm no good at hair and have wild impossible curly hair but I can just about twist it into a bun using a scrunchie and look at least neat.

Good luck! Also can I suggest the Parisienne threads, I have learned a lot and they are very supportive.

I agree with others who have advised waiting to buy clothes until you've finished losing weight. In the meantime, you can focus on hair, skin and makeup.

Have you seen a doctor about your skin? You might need something on prescription. I do because I have rosacea. I also have to cleanse twice a day and do a face mask twice a week, or I get spots. I like Sukin Super Greens Clay Masque from Boots.

Lisa Eldridge has dozens of tutorials about makeup. She uses High Street products as well as high-end, but if you see a high-end product you like but can't afford, just google (for example) "Charlotte Tilbury Bitch Perfect dupe" and you'll find less expensive alternatives. Start by trying to copy the everyday looks before you move on to the more ambitious ones.

If you can't afford a cut and blow dry very often, maybe alternate with a dry cut? That's usually a lot cheaper.

I'm not going to lie, looking pulled together isn't effortless. It takes a lot of time and effort, especially if your budget is limited - but if your appearance is important to you, it is worth it.

What look is it that you're going for? Who would you like to look like?

Matching underwear does not put together make. That’s just a nice unnecessary indulgence.

Filed, trimmed nails looked groomed rubbing them once a week with olive oil will keep them looking healthy and lets you push cuticles back if need be.

Continue to give your self plenty of time to lose weight if you want to. Don’t set a deadline or buy things to fit into.

Play around with what clothes you have and go with what you think looks good on you, rather than just a look. Ditch the stuff you really don’t feel you can make work.

Sound like you are overhauling your life and have got the pre spring blues. I get these, in my case I’m looking in the mirror thinking I’m old, tired looking and getting jowls. But I’m failing to get more sleep and hydrates better Life has got in the way and I’ll get back to it next week. Because set backs are allowed.

Loads of good skin advice on Mumsnet, and if it’s getting you down don’t feel bad about asking your gp for advice if it’s more hormonal.

I would probably add to dressing for your body type rather than following trends too closely - although you can give a little nod to them if they suit. I’m hour glass ( over weight) and I’ve spent years looking heavier than I am because I loved loose sack type clothes from Cos that don’t suit me. Now I always make sure to emphasise my waist. I buy quite a few bits from eBay and discount retailers and outlet stores. I buy the best quality I can afford - Jaeger etc but still get the odd cheapie bit from places like ASOS where I see something. Charity shops can be good if you go to a nice area but often the best bits are shipped to trendy sites leaving regional shops with a load of BHS blouses. Getting your clothes tailored can be good making sure the fit is right but I would only bother for something in a decent fabric. For my hair I use an “ air styler” which dries my hair much better than a hairdryer and brush. I no longer have “ trendy “ cuts but something more classic that looks right with my hairtype. If I had no money for hair I would look to see if there was a hair salon / school who were looking for models - although I would avoid anything too short or bleached which would require regular touching up. Finally, although I think losing weight would make you feel better you are alive in the world now and finding some stylish items to wear now or getting a great haircut might give you the confidence to tackle other issues. I think when you feel bad about yourself there’s a tendency to not bother whereas making the effort has the opposite effect. Have a look to see if there are any bloggers or style guides which might help maximise the clothes you already have or get a stylish friend to come around and look through your wardrobe for some ideas. You never know what a fresh eye might find.

Don't panic, depending on what we're working with here you might be able to cheat, like i do .

How overweight are we talking? If you are just a bit podgy/curvy, clothes CUT for that shape make ALL the difference, trust me! Try SimplyBe. You can try the clothes at home and send back if not right. If you're super overweight and can only fit in tents, gotta drop some first i guess.

Hair - mine's just plain old long, blonde hair. I rarely have it properly cut, i just do the mumsnet forehead ponytail trick. I keep it looking groomed by putting some 'get sleek' anti frizz stuff on after washing and spending ten minutes drying with a keratin smooth babyliss hair styling tool which was £26 from argos - you'll be amazed at how it works!

Just try mascara, tidy brows and a tinted lip balm at first!

3 things, but i think you'll see a big and pleasing difference!

I agree it's the little things. Shape your nails and use a clear polish if you can't get a smart look with coloured varnish. Use whatever styling tool suits you to make hair groomed and use a conditioning oil or serum to keep it soft and shiny.
Keep your eyebrows tidy and if like me you are fair with invisible eyebrows define them just a little with a light brown pencil applied in tiny soft strokes (and don't spend a fortune go to Superdrug or somesuch and get one for 99p). Having good eyebrows can transform your face.
I have naturally dark eyelids and find smoothing a little pale, neutralish eyeshadow over with my finger really freshens up my look (try Chamonee or Champagne from the MUA range in Superdrug, £1).

Try and walk outside for half an hour each day, it will lift your mood and brighten your skin.

Whatever else you do always use an SPF product on your face. It is an investment in your future self.