Hair help... I’m a lost cause.

[RavenLG]

Ok, I know I’m a serial crime against hair offender but I need help after having s breakdown about my hair today.

I’ve been box dying my own hair since I was about 18 (now 30) and haven’t been to an actual hair dressers since I was about 20. I have awful anxiety and things like hairdressers, nails, spas etc are a massive no no.

My hair is awful though. Genetically, it’s shit to start with. Very very fine, fly away, soft and floppy, nothing holds. It’s about chin / shoulder length atm and this is the length of stays. I occasionally lop about 3/4mm off to get rid of split ends.

I bleached it a few years ago and due to colossally fucking it up. Half of it snapped off so I’m left with crazy layers that just flop around my head.

Is there anything I can do to salvage my hair? I’m overweight and HATE having short hair. I have clip in extensions but cheap things and I only wear them when I go out. Most of the time it’s scraped back in multiple clips to look somewhat presentable.

It’s so thin you can see light through it under my neck if that makes sense.ive just crying for about an hour as I can’t get it to do anything today and I’m suppose to leaving the house to go food shopping.

I know realistically there are no miracle products that can help me but anything I can do to make my hair thicker / grow so I feel like I’ve actually got some femininity.

You don't need long or thick hair to feel feminine - you need to get it into good condition and you need a good cut.

Lay off the bleach/box colours and ask around for a good hairdresser and book a consultation. I don't like going to the hairdressers but force myself every few weeks.

You might benefit from a combination of highlights and lowlights to give your hair the illusion of having more depth.

Google Princess Charlene of Monaco for ideas for good short hairstyles for fine hair.

Since going to the hairdressers is out, would you consider a mobile hairdresser who comes to you? Could you manage that?

But Yes, reducing the colour, and using some nourishing and moisturizing treatments are unlikely to hurt.

Here's Charlene

The 3rd photo illustrates what I said about highlights and lowlights giving more depth.

Could you start by trying to give some moisture and strength back to your hair. Either with a hair mask or Olive oil or coconut oil can be used.

Short/mid length hair can be very feminine. If you could bear a hairdresser then a tidy up trim rather than a colour will get you in and out quicker. Perhaps a graduated long Bob, so the back has chance to catch up, and the layers won't be a problem.

When I've not been able to face chit chat I've gone to super cute or similar because it's more an in and out and they are not trying to create a relationship with you. You don't ever need to go back if you hate it.

If cutting really isn't an option then try a few new hair accessories or you tube tutorials for up dos?

Bloody auto correct. Super cuts. Not super cute!

Maybe try cassia obvata powder for a deep conditioning treatment - its totally natural and has transformed my thin flyaway hair. If you are blonde you can add chamomile tea to the mix and it will improve the colour slightly and if you are dark haired it will just condition - lasts for about a month but as its totally natural you can do it as often as you want. It's really cheap too.

Thanks for the advice.

I bleached a few years ago to dye it red, it's currently a weird blue / black / purple colour. I've not died it for about 2 months prior to dying it the colour it is now.

It's generally in good condition (I think anyway, it's very soft and shiny) but so soft it doesn't hold any style (if I try curl they drop out almost instantly) and if the wind blows it too much the straightness turns to friz / waves / goes weird. But I do have to wash it daily otherwise it looks like an oil slick. Maybe it's not in good condition but it's always been like that, my mums hair is similar.

I'll look into the deep conditioning treatment. I know long hair doesn't = feminine but to me it does. I guess I need to hide behind long hair due to crap self esteem.

Are supercuts a thing in england? That might sound plausable. A mobile hair dresser might be an option, it's the smalltalk I can't do. I don't know what to talk about and get all nervous and weird. I don't have many friends as you can guess.

Would you be able to have a hair dresser visit your home?

Putting body art quality henna on it (not just any henna! That sh*t can screw your hair up even more if it isn't pure BQ) will thicken your hair and make it less flyaway. This is because henna basically provides a coat of varnish over each strand of your hair (whereas permanent box colours penetrate the hair strand). This layer of varnish protects your hair, makes it slightly thicker and makes it shinier. The only issue: it'll make your hair red! You can mix it with indigo though to get a more brown shade.

If you're interested in that idea it you're not sure where to start, Lush henna are a good place to begin (although they don't deposit as much colour as BQ henna).

I used to use henna for years and it's the only thing I've come across which thickens hair and makes it healthier looking.

I'm not sure (a stylist may be able to back me up on this) but i think once hair is split and damaged that's it - you can cover it with conditioning treatments or henna/cassia but you can't fix it or make it healthier. If you leave end split (ie don't trim them) this is also bad for your hair overall, as your split ends will eventually split all the way up the hair shaft, causing major breakage.

If I were you I'd cut it, start again and leave off the multiple box dyes. But the henna is a good fix if you want to keep it.

Apologies for typos - I am on my crappy phone!

I swear by cocoa locks. My hair hasn't grown since I was 18 as I suffered with trichotillimania, I've taken their shake once a day for 4 months and my hair is finally growing and is healthier. I thought I'd done too much damage to ever reverse. I don't colour, always use protector and have toned down on the straighteners. But ultimately it's been this product for me that's worked

Super cuts are a thing here. You can find them on www.supercuts.co.uk
I know what you mean about small talk. I find if you close your eyes while they wash or cut most stylists get that you're just there to chill out and relax/ get the job done and they'll happily cut in silence so don't feel it's expected

If you don't want to make small talk, take your phone and earphones and say "you don't mind if I listen to some music, do you?" They won't care!

Thanks for the help. I don’t mind the red colour, it sounds nice. May look into the henna route.

Is ignoring / not chatting to the hair dresser rude? I last got my nails done last year and the first few times was fine then the girl doing the polish was different and I found it hard to talk to her and embarrassed so never went back even though they did a great job and I loved the gel polish!

I’d be worried about offending someone by being on my phone lol! I’m such a hopeless case.

If I did pluck up the courage to go to a proper stylist, could they advise on a cut / colour that would suit?

If you want a hairdresser to advise you on a cut/style then supercuts is a no-no. Go somewhere decent like Tony and Guys and pay extra for more experienced stylist. That's unless you can get somebody to recommend an excellent professional.

As for anxiety - if you don't want to chat then don't chat. It's not rude and anyway who cares what they think as long as you're civil, you're the paying customer. Your rules.

Yes I sort of agree that if you want advise you probably need to go to a decent hairdresser and let them help you. But if what you want is a tidy up and trim and to be in and out you don't need a great stylist really. My experience of tony and guy hasn't always been great, they are very trend led and have the expectation you'll be getting regular cuts so cut with that in mind. (Plus they just love to razor cut!). If it's not too outing could you tell us where you're based and people might know a friendly non intimidating salon?

What's most important to you about your hair? How would you like it to look? Have you got time to style each day? These are the starting points I think for thinking about a style

Your hair sounds very similar to mine OP. I’ll be honest and say that I think you need to brave the hairdresser - mine would look dreadful without a good cut. You can always shop around till you find one who’s happy to leave you in peace. I’ve been going to the same one for a while, she’s perfectly pleasant but not a big talker and quite happy just to get on with cutting my hair if I don’t want to chat. The other thing that really works for me is the Babyliss Big Hair - I have the smaller size because my hair is quite short. It makes it look styled with very little effort on my part.

OP - trust me, the hairdresser (or gel technician) won't care if you sit there in silence.

Now I'm not one of the women-should-wear-makeup brigade but if you enjoy cosmetics then you could make an effort with that to enhance your confidence/feel more feminine. Make a feature of your eyes or lips. If you look at the photos of Charlene of Monaco you'll see what I mean.

When I go to the hairdresser I am normally exhausted and very rarely want to talk.

In that case, if they start chatting to me, I simply say that I am tired and "if you don't mind, I'd prefer to just read a magazine/close my eyes and unwind". None of them seem to have taken it the wrong way and I am sure some of them welcome the break from small talk!

Hi - I've never really thought about the small talk thing but if somebody said it to me, ie I'm a bit nervous to do small talk how do you do it ? I'd be happy to chit chat and soften the blow for you .... not that I'm a hair dresser lol 😆 I'm crap and get anyone else to do my hair

Just relax and enjoy the pampering - if Nothjn else than take your phone and chat to us on MN whilst you're having your hair
Done