Curly hair & tying back for school

[slimyslitheryslug]

DD has a mass of fine, blonde wavy hair. When we're on holiday in the sun and it dries quickly, it goes into ringlets; in the UK, it just goes into waves and then frizzes as soon as we brush it. And we have to brush it as anything other than a bob has to be tied back for school, preferably plaits.
The most pain free way I have found is to wash it, brush it through with conditioner, rinse out the conditioner, brush again, squeeze dry and plait it and then re-plait it every morning and evening. It just seems a bit Victorian that her hair is constantly tied back and in a fairly severe style.
What else could we do?
Thanks

I have very dry, fine, frizzy, curly hair. I swim, which makes it worse, and work outside a lot, which also does’t help (wnd, cold, sun).

I repeat the sentiments above DON’T BRUSH IT WHEN IT IS DRY!

I deal with mine by -
Wash, no shampo, only with conditioner, and not often (after swimming, or only about once a fortnight)
Pat dry
Run hair oil through
Comb with wide tooth comb
Leave to dry, or plait.
I usually plait it at night.
If I need to look tidy, but without school girl plaits, I do all the above, then put on a slightly too small hat while it dries (naturally, never hair drier). This helps it sit flat just about long enough to get through a job interview or something.

One thing I've belatedly thought of - DD loves to have a bubble bath and lies down in it. We then wash her hair in the shower but should that stop?

Get some L'Oréal oleo curl cream, fantastic stuff and you only need a tiny bit applied to damp hair to stop frizz and emphasise ringlets, I've never been without it since I was a teenager with some serious frizz. Also get an Afro comb and detangle hair when wet with conditioner. Never ever dry brush curly hair! A silk pillowcase or turban will stop her hair getting matted in the night. Maybe try tying it up in a high bun rather than plaits or a ponytail? If you make a fist around the hair when it's in a ponytail and fold it over then put the bobble on you get nice curly tendrils coming out from the bun itself. Silk scrunchies will also stop her hair matting.

If she doesn't want it then cut it short?

I would recommend curly girl in first instance. But you've not had a good experience with that. So then I recommend using oil to make it straighter. Needs to be real oil not those miracle/extraordinary oil products which are just silicone. Avoid silicone and use gentle shampoo don't wash often with shampoo. Don't dry brush - you are just making fuzz.. But make hair damp to comb through use a bit of oil and conditioner znd water spray The oil will weigh out the curl. Like a olive or almond oil from chemist is good. The straighter hair will be easier to tie back. Smooth down with conditioner. Sleep with it tied up.

So glad you asked. My daughter's hair looks lovely in the morning, by the afternoon just a ball of frizz!

Every time I read a thread about straight haired parents trying to manage their curly children's hair it makes me wince. I suspect the problem is they try and make it look and behave like straight hair, and it simply won't! It can be lovely in its own way, but it won't ever be as smooth and "tidy" as straight hair. No matter how much you brush it (please stop brushing it)!

I have the opposite problem tbh. I have curly hair and DD's is dead straight. How am I supposed to do anything with it? It's all soft and floppy!

Watching this with interest. My DD has thick curly hair and I’ve tried all sorts on her hair.
It’s lovely after it's just been washed but just goes frizzy no matter what I try on it.

I spent a ridiculous amount of time on Curly Girl, British Curlies and other websites last night and then bought pretty much whatever was recommended and available on Amazon Prime. The delivery arrived an hour ago and DD and I have just finished her hair session.
As well as me treating her hair as though it was just like mine (which withstands all sorts of neglect), she has been washing her own hair for the past few weeks and probably hasn't been rinsing everything out properly.
So we washed it, co-washed it, did leave in conditioner and brushed it through with a wide toothed comb (and then a second wide toothed comb as the first one hit a knot and broke), scrunched it in one of DH's t-shirts and now we're letting it air dry. It is knot free for the time being.
We've also come up with a plan to braid (like you see people having on holiday) the couple of strands which fall forward and would form a natural fringe if they weren't so curly and then those braids can be clipped back if need be. Clips don't normally work on DD as her hair is too thick and unruly.
I am feeling so much more optimistic than this time yesterday. Thank you for all of the advice. Let's hope it actually works.
One final question - a PP suggested those bobbles which are like springs (as they curl around each other). Are they the best? Last time we used one of those, it had to be partially cut out.

Have you tried using any alcohol free gels for styling? I use the eco styler ones, introduced by my curly hairdresser, after washing and detangling, add a liberal amount and let the hair dry. It tends to control frizz really well and leave well defined waves/ curls, which can then be braided or tied up (without brushing) and stays well defined.

It tends to dry with a slight crunch but if you scrunch the dry hair it loses the crunch and feels super soft but stays defined.

Eco Styler Olive Oil Styling Gel 946 ml www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B003E7UNE4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_KR3rAb3MQAMCY?tag=mumsnetforum-21

I’m not a fan of the spring coil type bands as I find them really hard to remove, much prefer the soft cotton ones.

My hair has been transformed by British Curlies (and the lovely curlies of Mumsnet).

Basically everything I was ever doing for my hair was wrong

If your daughter loves a bubble bath then she is prob drying her hair out massively in the bubbles - there are skin friendly bubble baths am blighted with both ezcema and curls and she could still have both bubbles and curls by swapping to something like an E45 or Earth Friendly Baby bubble bath.

I never ever brush my hair and even the Afro comb I used to use has been abandoned now - I rake through masses of conditioner in the shower with my fingers and that's it.

Highstreet hair products have been doing curly hair a disservice for a long time. And school asking someone with curly hair to style their hair like someone with straight hair is ridiculous.

I've never used one of those spiral hair ties, as I suspect they might need to be cut out - there is just too much going on with DD's hair. I usually use non-slip thin scrunchies for bed, at the end of a plait. For daytime I use a plain non-metal hair tie if it's being plaited, or if it's in a ponytail, I use a scrunchie as it's softer. I have had to cut a fair few things out of DD's hair over the years though, especially when she's come back from the PILs, as they use a nasty cheap plastic brush & it's often very frizzy. MIL had no DDs, so doesn't seem to have a clue about hair.

Oh and I always section DD's hair to brush it. It's easier to find individual tangles & pick them apart one at a time. And her hair is just easier to manage in sections as there is so much of it. I usually do her main detangling session in the shower, with a big handful of silicone-free conditioner.

I don't think you've said how old your DD is? Curly thick hair can be a bit much for young kids to deal with. I use a shampoo on DD's hair (we tried going full curly girl but she needs surfactants to remove the jam etc!). I always get a shampoo that doesn't contain SLS / SLES, as they are worse for the hair. Burts Bees do a shampoo that fits the bill & is tear-free for young children, so I use that.

Well done OP. Sounds like you're really on the case.