Funeral clothes

[Bobbins43]

My boyfriends grandmother died a week or so ago and I am attending her funeral tomorrow. I’ve never actually been to a traditional funeral before and am fretting a bit about what to wear. Is plain unrelieved black too much?

I have a plain black dress and one which has polka dots on it. Are leggings OK? Or are tights better? (I can never get them to stay on!)

I know it’s a weird thing to be asking but I just want to make sure I do the right thing for the occasion. She was lovely to me and I want to make sure I don’t stand out.

TIA

It's not weird if you've never been to one before. It's nice of you to care and I'm sorry for your loss.

Unless there's a dress code (and family should tell you if there is) the main thing is to wear clothes that are reasonably smart but also unobtrusive and that won't draw attention to yourself. Even at very traditional funerals (I've been to a few) there's normally no need to wear all black - dark, sober colours are fine. I'd say a plain black dress rather than polka dots. Hemline not too high. I don't see a problem with black leggings as long as you're wearing them instead of tights rather than instead of trousers!

Hope it goes well.

Its not a weird question as many people have not been to a funeral. Its thoughtful of you to dress appropriately.
Dress smart a black dress with black tights or leggings would be fine. You can also wear trousers and a jacket.
A dark coloured coat or jacket is usual if its cold.
I am sure you will look nice whatever you choose.

It’s not weird, I posted a similar thread a few months ago panicking about what to wear to my MiLs funeral.

I went in the end for a grey and black work dress (sleeveless, high neckline, you know the sort of thing) with a light oatmeal coloured cardigan over the top and smart, dark grey comfortable heels. I wore nude tights - personally I feel too casual in leggings, but that is a personal feeling sort of thing.

Few people were decked out in top to toe black, it was generally sombre, but not like a Scottish Widows advert.

Hope the day goes as well as these things can

I think it might depend a little on whereabouts in the country you are. At my parents in law's funerals in West Yorkshire everyone was very smart in all black. Those of us from the south were just in dark colours

At my mums funeral (SE England)I was actually the only one in all black, lots of people were in plain clothes with coloured scarves.

To answer your question, anything plain and smart will be fine. I hope it all goes okay

Flo gives good advice.
Its important not to draw attention to yourself by wearing anything that would be likely to draw comments.
Imagine someone you like who is a reasonable sort of person.
Would they raise their eyebrows at your outfit? Too short, too bright (unless by request), will it make you squirm uncomfortably? Will you worry about a boob falling out or will it make you look like the Sophia Loren attending a Mafia funeral?

I have been to many funerals and attend them as part of my work.
I have a plain black, knee length dress that I wear with black tights and mid heeled shoes. I can 'dress it up' with a bright cardigan if required. People often request certain colours are worn.

Make sure you have a warm coat/gloves. There can be a far bit of hanging about and chapels etc are rarely well heated.

Smart and mainly black.

I think as long as you’re not in fancy dress or sequins (unless specifically requested) darkish tidy clothes are fine. Nobody minds. Generally complete black is reserved for immediate family with others wearing relieved black (piece of jewellery, scarves or similar) greys or dark navy blue/bottle green. Leggings under a dress are fine but leggings on their own less so.
If you’re going to the grave avoid high heels as they’ll sink in the mud.

I wore navy to my father's funeral - a sleeveless shift dress with a lace overlay. I was pregnant and it was an Australian summer so boiling hot. To other family members' funerals I've worn a black pencil skirt with somber tops (grey or dark purple) or a black dress with a discreet pattern.

As PPs have said, keep your boobs and bum away and it will be fine.

I honestly didn't register what anyone else wore to my father's funeral - I was just so touched and relieved they were there. Your boyfriend and his family will remember your support, not your clothes

You have the right idea of not standing out, and I don't think the question is weird.

Dark (black or navy) is fine. As far as leggings or tights I don't think I'd notice if you were wearing a dress over it anyway. If it's in a church I'd go for what's warmer as they are more likely to be too cold than too hot. The most important thing is that you are there. I'm sure you'd know by now but confirm with your boyfriend that they haven't decided they want people to turn up in bright colours, or some families suggest wearing one item in the dead persons favourite colour.

Just generally- if you are in a church and don't attend regularly don't worry at all, follow any instructions if they are in a booklet. There might be a line up at the end of close relatives possibly including your boyfriend when the rest of the people express their wishes.

Basically reiterating what others have said, but yes plain dark colours and just avoid anything too casual or eye catching. So nothing skintight or very figure-hugging, no bare shoulders, no cleavage, nothing more than an inch or so above the knee, no noisy heels you can't walk in, that sort of thing. I would personally wear tights rather than leggings unless the ends are hidden inside boots. You want something comfortable, sober and understated so that you can put it on and forget about it. If you have a smart dark coat you can probably keep it on for the service and by the graveside (if that's a part of it) and stay warmer that way.

Thank you very much everyone! You have put my mind at rest. Now I just have to tackle the motorway...