Feeling really down and hate the way I look

[FlyingSoloFlyingFree]

After a recent breakup my confidence is at rock bottom and I just despise myself when I look in the mirror :(.

I've never been slim but have been eating rubbish and hitting the wine too much lately meaning I'm now a size 16 at least. I'm 5'2 and don't carry excess weight well (who does?!) - I'm horribly untoned with awful posture, huge boobs which make everything I wear look frumpy and just generally feel like a dumpy middle-aged mess.

I know I need to eat better and get some exercise but life's so hectic now I'm on my own and I really lack motivation - my job's very full-on and when I get home I just want to flop or spend time with DD (a stunning teen which doesn't help).

When I try to dress nicely, buy something new, do my make-up etc I think I look ok then I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window and see a short fat person trying too hard to look cool :(. I've seen other woman much bigger than me who look lovely but I just can't pull it off.

I'm not looking to meet anyone else but I hope I will one day although I can't see how at the moment - the thought of anyone seeing the horrible saggy old body under my clothes just fills me with despair.

I hate feeling like this but I don't know what to do - I know there's no magic answer and that it's down to me to sort myself out but it just feels pointless, I'll never be anything special or look the way I want to.

sorry you are feeling like this. You need to try and change your thinking. You end up believing what you tell yourself, so if you are on a downer it just gets worse. Bit of a cliche but try and focus on your good bits. Get a good haircut. I find if I make an effort and try to think positively, I end up feeling positive. Don't look at your reflection in shop windows etc, just keep telling yourself you look fabulous, eventually you will believe it. Sorry that's probably not much help!

Maybe try counselling to help rebuild your self esteem?
It's easier to take care of yourself when you are feeling better emotionally ime

I do know how you are feeling. I found the low carb threads on MN and 8 week blood sugar diet very useful in getting my head into the right place to stop over-eating and cut down on alcohol.
No easy answer, apart from making smaller, realistic goals towards doing things that will make you feel better. I think it has to start with shedding weight though. Read some inspiring self-help books to get yourself motivated? Perhaps others can recommend.
Good luck!

Probably the women you think are "pulling it off" feel the same way as you inside and are looking at you wishing they looked so cool, really.

You could have been me 18 months ago, except I was taller, older and bigger. The turning point for me was 'meeting' myself unexpectedly in a shop mirror and thinking 'I know that person but can't remember where from'. It took me several long seconds before I realised it was a reflection.

My plan of attack was that from then on I wouldn't leave the house without perfume, mascara, lip balm and earrings. And believe me, it was hard to find the motivation even for that. After a few more weeks, once that had become a habit, I got a decent cut and colour and bought a couple of styling tools so I could do my hair. Once I'd got that sorted, I decided I would buy clothes for the body I was living in. I got loads of help on here and bought a few decent items of clothing. There was a very supportive thread called 'old and fat' that ran for months, and the women there were amazing for advice on what to buy that made them feel good. It wasn't about weight loss, it was about feeling good today.

It was only after I made peace with myself that I could contemplate weight loss. I joined the low carb bootcamp on here in May, and have since lost three stone and still losing. I couldn't have tackled the weight without deciding I was worthy no matter what size I was.

You aren't alone, even though I know it feels it.

Sorry to hear this way.

So I think there’s 2 routes.

A good friend of mine is your height and build. She looks AMAZING. She always makes an effort. Dresses and leather jacket make up and Hair always done. She smiles and laughs a lot and she looks fab. So you don’t actually need to change your weight but just the way you approach it?

Alternatively if you really lack self esteem in your size then you can change. I did. I lost 6 stone in about 6 months. I had 3 young dcs at the time (the youngest was a newborn). I was a 16/18 and got down to an 8. I’ve actually put weight on as I don’t like to look too thin. Basically I just knuckled down and committed 25 mins a day to Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. And I cut out the crap food- is still eat meals but I aimed for filling and lower fat. I tried to fit more walking in- I got a Fitbit and made sure I hit the 10k steps a day. I still had a take away and cake and chocolate each week but not every day. I found the 30 day shred massively improved my posture and tone and have ms lots of confidence and gave me the motivation to continue. So.. it can be done but you just need to decide to do it. I maintain fitness/weight with a couple of runs and a couple of weight seasons a week- I don’t have access to a gym or childcare so I do what works for me.

I also agree with pp- I now wear make up every day (subtle but makes a massive difference) it really gives me more confidence.

Good luck.

Same as pp I find making small changes to develop positive habits really helps.

Youtube movitational videos or podcasts / books can be good.

Simple things at home to feel better about yourself. Go to bed early enough a few nights a week, have a relaxing bath, paint your nails, make a nice healthy dinner, go a walk, do some exercise , get hair done etc.

Then start eating better even changing one thing at a time. If you eat lots of bread cut down so 1 slice at breakfast then something different for lunch. Start eating fruit during the day or other healthy snacks . If you drink, only doing it one night a week etc then very quickly you will be movitated to start eating a more balance diet. Consider going to WW or SW meetings if that would help you. Follow the groups on FB instagram etc.

Don’t try and fix everything all at once. It is too much and you will fail and then feel even worse. I know exactly how you feel about flopping on the sofa and just wanting a glass of wine, but just try changing one thing and stick with that one thing until it becomes a fixed habit. Like always going for a 15 minute walk as soon as you get in. Or finding a new healthy breakfast option that you like ( but just focus on breakfast first, rather than trying to change everything). One thing at a time is achievable. You do alot and support many other people-so remember that and be kind yo yourself!

Thanks all, some great advice here. It all feels a bit self destructive at the moment, I honestly don't feel I deserve to look or feel good although I'm not sure why that is.

You do deserve to. X