Help with DD fine knotty hair and upset

[Trb17]

Please can anyone help?

DD(11) has fine hair but lots of it. Many brushes don't even get through as whilst it's fine she has 'underlayers' of hair growing (in different directions in places!) so only a decent brush can get through all the layers.

It gets so so knotty and she's so scalp sensitive to the pain of brushing (has been since a baby as she was born with a mullet of hair!) that it's now getting the be a nightmare for her and really upsetting her.

It's medium length and she wants it longer so cutting is not an option.

Can anyone recommend any good products to help with the knots or even help with the scalp sensitivity?

As a typical girl her age she wants to wear it loose and down but she's sobbing in pain from the knots daily and it's made her too scared to brush her own hair.

If it was me I'd get it cut shorter but she doesn't want that so any advice on products to try to help would be very much appreciated.

My dd had very tangley thick hair. Had always struggled with it and yes cutting it shorter was always a godsend. I questioned the hairdresser about it once. They were doing a wash and cut. Once they washed it, it knotted up so badly and was like a huge thick dreadlock , I was waiting to see them tackle it. However due to dd having a short cut that day they obviously saw the problem and cut it off first. When questioned they believed it would be due to a build up on the hair. I was using a shampoo and conditioner in one and they advised me to buy separates instead.

Have you tried a tangle teezer? And detangling spray? Those are my daily go to products with 2 little girls. Also plaiting/braiding it will stop it getting so knotty.

How about an undercut? Would look edgy, but retain a lot of length and might make it easier to manage?

Thank you all so much. I'm making notes and loads of ideas/methods here I've not tried.

Thank you honours for the link to that brush too as that looks like it might help as anything plastic like the tangle teasers or wet brushes just seem to disagree with her hair.

I'm noting all the product recommendations too and will start trying some.

SavoyCabbage I think your year of the hair sounds like what we've found ourselves in too so good to know solutions can be found.

Interesting point too from Patchouli666 as a hairdresser once asked if she was a swimmer as could feel build up in hair. Yet she only swam once a week and less now. Perhaps the clarifying and chelating options will work if it's a build up thing.

Currently we're using Tigi Bed Head products but while they're good they aren't a miracle product and for the price I can get same results with L'Oréal stuff from Asda ...

The search will continue but seriously... thank you for all ideas. I'm writing everyone down and will try them all until we find what works.

P.s. Sadly ItsAllGoingToBeFine while I think she'd rock an undercut, school won't allow them at all

I have fine hair and lots of it too, it's very short now so not loads of advice for you but I do find the Tigi products do not agree with my scalp at all, made it really tight and itchy and made my hair feel more flyaway and fluffy. Hope you find a solution!

What is her brushing technique like? Is she trying to pull the brush through from the top? I would handle as:

Use fingers to gently pull apart big knots
Starting with a small underneath section (put rest of hair up using a big gentle scrunchie)
Brush out knots from the bottom, jeep graulayy moving upwards. Don't start from the top as you just push all the hair down into one big tangle.
When this section is done, take some more hair down.
Keep going until all hair done.

TIGI is stock full of cones. Try clarifying and see how you go.

I wash DD (age 4) hair with Pantene and brush in the bath. It takes me around 10 minutes to brush completely and I do a tiny section at a time. Then I'll put it in a plait or ponytail before bed so it doesn't need brushing in the morning.

Once a week I use a hair mask from Avon instead as her hair breaks off.

When I was younger, I had fine but knotty hair and my nanny used Matrix detangler. I think you can still buy it. It's the best I've ever used. We currently use avon but I'm planning on getting Matrix now she's starting school next week.

My daughter has hair like this. Brushing her hair is traumatic for her (and me).

I've used every detangle conditioner spray along with leave in conditioners. I've bought numerous brushes from tangle teaser to a special wet brush that was supposedly great. It doesn't work.

Brushing more regularly definitely helps and plaiting helps but I don't want to hide her beautiful hair in a plait every day.

I have just started using a silk pillow case as I read that friction causes knots in fine hair. Anything is worth a shot!

Thanks everyone for all the tips. Will work through them all to see what helps.

Special thanks too to @Patchouli666 as your comment above about TIGI made me realise that despite the hair feeling great when freshly washed, it was matted and knottier the next day. Ditched the TIGI and hair definitely better today. So thanks as I'd clearly made mistake of thinking that expensive shampoos/conditioners would be better but on DD's hair type that's clearly not true in the case of TIGI stuff. So thanks

Lots of detangling sprays and leave-in conditioners contain loads of silicone. They make the hair slippery when first applied, so easier to comb out, but as they dry they leave a coating on the hair that makes it tangle even worse.

You need to wash the silicone out with a clarifying shampoo (or baby shampoo can work) then smooth lots of silicone free conditioner through her hair in the direction of the shaft. Brush with the conditioner in, in small sections starting near the ends, then stand her under the shower for a minute to rinse off. On future washes, just use conditioner, and only use shampoo if her hair is actually greasy.

Sorry for the essay. I spent years thinking I was just an unfortunate person with dull, frizzy, knotty hair, but actually the products I was using to smooth it were adding greatly to the problem.

Yes Feawen that's what was mystifying us. Tried lots of leave in spray conditioners that almost felt sticky when dry! Her hair definitely does not like these sprays.

It's been eye opening to learn that these fancy schmancy high cost shampoos and conditioners can actually make things worse. And it will save me a fortune

The schwarzkopf silk spray in conditioners are amazing and lightweight as I have the same awkward hair type and this is what I use

Thank you 1Vandal I'll add it to my list.

I've been following the curly girl method for my daughter and am also doing it on my poker straight hair and am finding that my hair is softer, silkier and less tangled. Even if you don't want to do the whole thing my long hair loves a deep conditioning treatment and feels so silky after. I mix my conditioner 50/50 with olive oil and warm it up in the microwave. I apply to my hair (because mine is very long its easier if its already wet) and leave it for as long as possible - ideally nice and warm so either out in sun on a warm day or wrap in clingfilm and thin wooly hat and blast with hair dryer. It takes a bit of washing to remove the olive oil. Ends up lovely and soft and I'm finding brushing and plaiting so much easier...

My hair is like this, and so is dd's.

When I was 30 I cut mine short, but until then simply used a comb, well various combs of gradually finer teeth. Took ages.

DD uses detanglers and leave in conditioner. She plaits it at night after brushing/combing which helps a lot. Sometimes she leaves the plaits in and sometimes she undoes them before going out. Both ways look lovely. I got her a special detangling brush - it's really good. I'll try to find a link for you.

I'm not sure exactly what sprays she uses, but I suspect they're all pretty similar.

DD's hair reaches past her bum now so your dd can grow her hair as long as it will go.

This is the brush she uses: wholesaler.alibaba.com/product-detail/Rubber-egg-design-detangling-brush-mini_60367398839.html