Losing weight and no idea how to dress myself

[ilovecherries]

This is a very first world problem. I asked for help a couple of weeks back but didn't get a lot of responses and the situation is getting more desperate! I also know I'm being a bit ridiculous, but I ended up crying my eyes out in a Sainsbury's dressing room yesterday. I've lost 2 stone this year, a stone and a half in the last 10 weeks. It's about 3 dress sizes. I'm beyond delighted, I feel 100 times better physically. I still have about the same again to go, at which point I'll get a session with a personal stylist etc, and I'm saving up for a complete start-from-scratch wardrobe. But I have no idea what to wear meanwhile.

My actual body shape has changed completely. Before I'd have said I was shaped like a tall Jo Brand - large everywhere, but pretty straight up and down. What is emerging is def an inverted triangle though. I was stuck in the changing room yesterday with clothes in 4 different sizes (because I haven't actually got used to a smaller me yet, so I'm always convinced I still need a 20-22), but they were all smaller versions of what I used to wear and nothing suited me, it was all too shapeless.

But I have no idea what might even begin to suit me. I've still got a very large (k cup) chest. The band size is going down, the cups not so much, and I can only wear flat shoes because of an injury. I really don't like pepperberry clothing, and I'd hoped I could get a few supermarket or at least high street basics for the next few months. I actually have nothing to wear. Even my pants need replaced and my jewellery looks the wrong scale as well. I have 4 stretchy short sleeve tee shirts with sweetheart necks from next a few years ago that just about fit, although they are borderline too big, and 4 double front scoop neck tees from Boden that will fit me in a couple more weeks (these are new and the size above was too large). I've also put 5 existing Ravello tops into the dressmaker to be remade in a smaller size, so I will have them back in about 10 days. I've been getting by with next tapered jersey trousers, but they are now sold out and the size I'm wearing is falling down.

The problem is, I think, is that I'm not recognising myself really, and I still imagining myself as much bigger than I am. I expected just to dress myself in smaller versions of what I wore before, but that's not working.

Where to start? I'm late 50s, 5 foot 7, good skin with hardly any wrinkles, light brown hair with hardly any grey. I'm having my colours done in two weeks as a mid-way treat, but at the moment my only colour rule is 'no red' - it's the only thing I'm certain about. Work from home in a fairly creative role. What sort of wardrobe basics might help? No where to look for them?

Do you have someone you trust that you can take shopping with you to help you? You'll only need to buy a few items, so you won't take up too much of their time! Do you like to wear trousers, dresses, skirts? Buy items with a bit of stretch and they might see you through a couple of sizes. Keep it basic, a few tops, couple pairs of jeans, an a-line skirt. Go shopping during the week when shops are quieter and ask staff for some help. I'm not an expert, so constantly google & pinterest for outfit ideas. Good luck. Clothes shopping is hard work!

Well, my daughter is coming home for a couple of weeks soon before university goes back, so she would certainly come shopping for me. She's got a good eye for what works for her, so hopefully that would translate. I haven't worn a skirt for years, I used to wear a lot of jersey dresses. I'd like trousers but at the moment if it fits on the waist, they are seriously massive across the hips and thighs, and they sort of sag and crumple - the jersey ones were ok as a stop gap, but can't find them anymore. I think I'm going through that phase where I feel much better, but haven't settled into a new shape yet, so nothing is fitting well.

That's good - at least you'll get an honest opinion! I'm not suggesting that you wear these outfits exactly, but you could adapt these suggestions for inverted triangles.

Could you book a personal shopping appointment somewhere? Debenhams do them and you can talk to them beforehand and they will have everything in a nice big changing room in the right size so you can try things on in a much more pleasant way.

Oh, thanks Want2, I will have a good look at these later. Heat, that's my plan when I lose all of it, but I don't really want to do it at this interim stage, mainly because I don't want to buy lots. But maybe part of it is I still don't believe department stores will have anything to fit me. Which going by the size label, of course they should have. But when you are plus size you do get used to having to shop online. I've never recovered from the humiliation of a John Lewis shopper only been able to pull a couple of (hideous) outfits from berkatex for me to try because none of the other concessions went above an 18 in store. She kept telling me I would get more options on line but it's hardly what you need from a personal shopper :(.

I would start in a department store for now, just because it's easier than walking round loads of shops getting fed up. When you find a range or brand that suits your shape then stick with it, I can't buy tops from supermarkets because I am big-busted (if they fit across the bust there's too much fabric everywhere else) but I know that I can nearly always get something from Phase 8 or Debenhams own ranges.
If you know you're going to lose even more weight then try eBay for now, again you might need to work out which brands to buy by trying them on in actual shops but once you have you can get some real bargains.

if you can't face an actual personal shopper, the John Lewis online one is quite good. Cant remember what its called but you put in your shape and style likes and dislikes and it suggests some outfits. Whether they actually look any good on I don't know, but it came up with some really nice suggestions for me...

Also a vote for the John Lewis online stylist. Not perfect but may help you get some ideas. I have a lot of sympathy as been through similar so well done on all the hard work

Marks and spencer have an online personal shopper as well, I think it's called trytuesday.

Plus don't feel guilty if you only buy a few things. I've been and not bought anything before. If they don't find anything you like, don't buy anything. Don't save it till you've lost all the weight, you deserve it now!

I lost 4 stone 2 yrs ago and went from a 22-24 to a 16-18. I know exactly what you mean about seeing yourself as bigger in your head and not expecting to be able to just pick clothes up in a shop and they will fit.

I ended up trying loads of things on. Tried lots of styles I would never have been able to before and eventually got an idea of my shape and what worked. Going into somewhere like John Lewis or Debenhams is a great place to start. Pick up anything that catches your eye and try it on. Then use the ideas for looking at eBay if you don't want to spend lots.

Well done on losing all that weight! How have you done it? Do you live near London or Kent? I had an awful experience with a John Lewis shopper but have had real success since with two excellent stylists - Victoria Genevieve and Coco Mama Style. I think it would be worth seeing them now and then maybe seeing them again next year in a different season once you are at your final size?

I’ve lost quite a few stone over a period of about 2 years. I also had to adjust several times to my changing body and relearn what suits me. The first dress size or two, I was simply buying smaller versions of the same sort of stuff in the same places. As I lost more, I found this approach wasn’t really working as well. I got a bit more interested in other high street stores and started experimenting much more. Really important is to try on as much as possible to get an idea of what works. Smaller type stores with helpful staff on quieter days can be great.

If you’re still losing, look out for clothes and styles that would still fit if you dropped down to the next dress size. E.g. jersey, adjustable waists, belts/drawstrings, and knits are generally good. My personal experience is avoid trousers if you can, as losing as much as an inch off your hips can spoil the look as they start to go baggy.

Always choose stuff you know you could happily wear the next day. Whilst you are losing, you have to always pick clothes for right now, never buy a season ahead or put sale things away for slimming in to - you will either find out it doesn’t fit properly when you reach the right size or you end up seeing much nicer new stuff in the shops.

Remember you don’t have to wait till you reach your end goal, you can start to enjoy clothes and shopping right now.

Yes, I'm still losing, it's a fairly steady 1-1.5 lbs a week, so I hope to be at or very near target by 31 December. I had hoped that I had clothes I had grown out of that might fit me on the way back down, but they either don't fit or look totally last century when I was a very corporate dresser. Plus back then I could wear heels! I'm in Cumbria Mimi so best shopping options are probably either Glasgow or Newcastle. I feel weirdly self conscious - I 'feel' quite slim as I move about (although I'm not, obviously), but I still feel deeply anxious that nothing in a normal store will fit me.

I think that's really good advice to only buy stuff I will wear the next day, because I'm not losing weight in the pattern I expected to. E.g., double chin has gone, but boobs still enormous, bum is vanishing by the day but shoulders are still quite broad. Waist is reappearing but not at the rate my bum is shrinking, so trousers and pants are sliding off. And I've gone down a shoe size as well, I had to buy insoles today.

Don't get me wrong, couldn't be happier about the weight loss, and completely committed to the lifestyle change. It's just I expected it to be so easy when I could shop anywhere, and in fact it has completely thrown me, and I a) feel a fraud and b) have no idea how to do it any more.

Came on to suggest M&S's free styling service Try Tuesday but see someone got there first! They're pretty good at picking out the good stuff from their range and tailor the choices depending on lifestyle, shape etc

Right have signed up for Try Tuesday, looking forward to seeing what they suggest. So long as it's not The Pink Dress as a bonus buy! Have also made £200 on eBay today selling my too big stuff. Decided I couldn't be bothered with auctions so stuck it all on BIN and everything sold within about 4 hours. Hoping they will now increase my selling allowance for the month so I can list some more - it's going straight into my new wardrobe fund.

It's just I expected it to be so easy when I could shop anywhere

This! I once thought if I ever got to something like a size 14 I would have it made. I really had no idea that I would still have to work really hard to find the right pieces that fit in all the right places. Read any thread on here and you'll realise that can be difficult at any size.