Help

[RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie]

Having been skinny or slim all of my life, I'm now not. Am probably a size 14 and feel fat and disgusting. Nothing fits. I can afford a few new things and want to get them right. Used to be an hour glass but am now whatever an hourglass becomes when they are fat. Huge norks and belly.

Looking for:

• a dress that makes me feel nice and that I can either dress up with heels, or just wear with sandals to the pub. Short sleeved, maybe jersey, maybe black , maybe burgundy, possibly green, or perhaps a print. Cotton, silk or maybe viscose.

• tops/shirts to wear with jeans to go to the pub. Silk or cotton. Short sleeves or long sleeves but not sleeveless.
• a knee length or midi-ish day dress

Please help me to enjoy clothes again.

Oh love, you're a size 14! You aren't fat. Everything on the high street fits you. I can offer advice to fellow fatties (I'm a 22) but you are not one.

Thank you. That's kind of you, but I honestly look and feel a mess. By 'nothing fits' I mean any of my existing clothes. I'm really short and the extra weight really shows. I saw myself on video today and was horrified.

This is going to sound pretty useless but to love clothes again you're going to have to start being nicer to yourself. You really really won't look as bad as you think you do (I probably weigh twice what you do, I like me, I look good when I can be bothered)

Where did you used to shop? That'll give us a start point. Have you seen anything you like but are unsure of?

I would want to help but I kind of feel a bit shit that you've just described my size and shape as fat and disgusting. I was thinner in the last too and I'd prefer to be thinner again, but I didn't think I was fat or disgusting until now.

It's not about you Hairq. It's about how the OP feels about herself.

AND there is a big difference in how people look when wearing the same dress size, 5ft and in a size 14 stretcy jersey dress from M&S looks wildly different to 5ft 10 in a pair of size 14 jeans from H&M

It really isn't about you

Have these for now I'll be back later.

You say you hold weight on norks and belly, do you have good legs? Happy with arms/collarbone? What sort of age range/ day-to-day 'type' e.g. Are we talking more 20-30 workaholic, 40 yr old label junkie, 60-70 cosy cardigan loving grandmother etc

I have admired your posts coming on years now Lupin. Get your chunky ass in gear.

A heel always makes you walk taller, wedge/ low if needs be; so start at the bits you feel great about (I think I'm a similar size/shape at 5ft and a roundish 14) you say bigger belly but do you have a slimmer chest? Do you still have a waist? How are your feelings on control underwear?

I know how you feel Remus. There is a lovely shirt dress in Cos that I have got my eye on. Do you like ebay? You could possibly get some bits there. I agree with adifferentname, don't go down the self hatred route, try and pull yourself back from the brink, think right this is me and I am great/alright and I deserve to feel good in my clothes, respect yourself while you shop.

I solemnly promise not to post seventy billion links to COS and their tall willowy efforts

Oh goodness sorry Rick I get tallness envy from people who can shop in COS!

Stories have some lovely silk shirts. I like this one for a start. They are very versatile. Tucking into a pencil skirt can bring you in at the waist - it's a good visual trick if you've got a bit thicker there to have something baggier on the top joining something narrow. They are also lovely worn loose over skinny jeans - when I was curvier I got lots of compliments for this sort of look.

For dresses, there was a lot of talk on here about that skimming/looser type with a cord or elastic type thing to bring you in in the middle - the Boden blackberry dress I think is the sort of style, although that one doesn't have sleeves. One of my favorite tops/dresses when I was that shape was a loose white company swimming cover up of all things, worn with a wide elastic belt at the under bust (my narrowest bit). The hush v neck tara is also lovely and might work with that dress up/dress down with sandals look you describe.

Hush V-neck Tara has been a real hero - I went from a 12 to 14 and feeling leaden (I'm about 165cm, so not tall), that frock's ruching made it hard to tell what was belly and what was fabric, plus you can wear a decent bra underneath it.

(I'm now back to a 10-12, I still wear the Taras, they are very forgiving to certain body types)

I think it's totally natural to mourn your former body / face. I certainly did. It's no reflection on anyone who's already that shape / size.

It sounds like there are two things going on: learning to dress your new shape but also getting your mojo back and it's chicken and egg. Your op really reminded me of when I came out of the menopause. I hadn't actually put that much weight on but I was a completely different shape and it threw me and de-moralised me because all my favourite clothes looked like shit.

What turned it round for me was a trip to Bravissimo. When I was flat chested, my bras had always been cheap and cheerful but I came out all, 'Hey check me out with my F cups'! It gave me the lift (literally!) that I needed to go out and try new stuff. Because you can read style rules and magazines till you're blue in the face but you still have that moment when you try on something different and look in the mirror. And if your confidence is low and something looks shit - which inevitably it will sometimes - then you're going to feel worse than ever.

So I think it's partly about learning new rules but also about finding your own personal Bravissimo moment. Does that make any sense at all?

Remus, your suggestions on here are always the height of good taste so I'm sorry to hear you're feeling a bit crap. It's a tough one when you're not feeling as though you look like yourself.
I spotted this today (I know, I know, Reiss again!) Any good?

www.reiss.com/p/jersey-tie-side-dress-womens-lorni-in-night-navy-blue/?category_id=218
Closet have got some lovely new dresses in too. The quality of the fabric is usually lovely and they hang well.

from the much maligned m&s, suprisingly flattering but probably needs a slip due to the non silk/cotton composition

the aforementioned slip

Thanks all.

HairQ - It's ME I'm describing as fat and disgusting, not you or anybody else. I've been ill and don't feel much like me anymore.

I think some new bras is probably exactly what I need as a starting point. I used to be a 32F but they are definitely too tight now. I'm really short waisted, so need to avoid tucking things in. Have still got a waist and narrow shoulders and back. Legs are decent, and arms are fine except at the very top.

I tried the round neck Tara on last year (when I was at least a dress size smaller) and it looked awful. There just seemed to be far too much fabric.

Will be in London soon, so will definitely check out Other Stories. Really like that Reiss dress, except navy makes me look dead.

I like that too Toe but suspect it will be far too long for me. I'll definitely try it on.

Thanks for the flowers, Flo.

Collarbone fine, except it tends to get lost compared to horrible huge norks. Wrists are lovely! Ankles are great and I like an ankle strap shoe to show them off.

Worst bits = norks, belly and tops of arms.

I like this and this and this

I love a shirt dress. So versatile and flattering on most figures.

Those all look lovely and wearable.
I am an avid buyer of Vivienne Westwood jersey dresses on eBay, they seem to look good when I feel bigger or smaller. They drape but not in the same way as the Tara, which made me look like a rugby player in drag!
This season's stuff is all a bit high necked for me, as well as £££, but on Ebay they can be reasonable and TBH Viv's stuff hasn't changed much!!

Ha! I was just coming on to say that if you've got a bit of spare money, the Vivienne Westwood sale - here has some hefty reductions. And if you've been ill, I think you deserve a treat, something to make you feel fabulous whenever you wear it:

lovely black dress although it's sleeveless
another dress - bit pricier
or show off your legs with a short skirt?
jacket? I'm tempted by this myself but I've really got enough tailored jackets to last the rest of my life, dammit.

or skirt You've said nothing to indicate you want something like this but I'm sticking it in because, even though it might make my arse look as big as Africa, I can't stop thinking about it.

What about this? Black, silk/cotton blend shirt dress - Jaeger usually come up big so maybe the 12 for you!
outlet

Ah sorry - some of the sizes are out of stock (including my skirt). Annoying that it doesn't tell you it's out until you click on it.