Terrible hair. On brink of having extensions - please talk me down!

[Bettycheese]

Hi There

I’m looking for some advice about my ridiculous hair that is causing me much distress. Up until a couple of years ago I had long thick-ish hair and it was the feature I was most content with. However my hair has really thinned over recent years (I’m late thirties, and I know that this is not uncommon) and due to a couple of over enthusiastic cuts, then a completely disastrous butchering about a year ago, I now have hair that is just past my shoulders at the back, but the sides hover a couple of inches shorter, with the side fringe just below my eyes, and shorter layers all over, and it seems like it hasn’t got any longer in about 12 months (I spend probably way too much time comparing photo’s trying to spot signs of change, ridiculous I know). I know it must actually be growing (albeit slowly) because I have regular highlights (not bleach) and get dark roots so I can only assume that it’s breaking off.

I am totally aware of how shallow and selfish it makes me sound that this bothers me so much, but it really does make me miserable. Since the butchering last year it’s hugely affected my self-confidence. I hate having photo’s taken now because when I see them, no matter how nice the photo is or what a good time I was having, my immediate thought is misery at my hairstyle .

This weekend I was again teetering on the brink of having hair extensions fitted (in fact went as far as making a consultation appointment for this evening with someone recommended to me) but deep down I think I know that it can’t really be good for hair that’s clearly already struggling, and I don’t really want to get in to that costly, high maintenance regime.

My plan I think has to be to stop having highlights every 8-10 weeks, and instead use a home colour which I believe is kinder to hair (I’m prepared to be corrected on that though if someone knows better?), buy a product that my hairdresser has recommended as being brilliant at making hair more elastic and therefore less likely to break, invest in decent shampoo / conditioners / heat protection (any recommendations please?), try to wash and therefore heat style as infrequently as possible, but first and foremost I should probably have a trim to remove the damaged ends, although the last thing I want anywhere near my hair is a pair of scissors .

We have a holiday booked in 4 weeks and I have a highlight appointment before then – I’m torn as to whether to make that the last time and know that my hair will look ok colour-wise for holidays or risk making this the first home colour (worried about chlorine making it green etc etc?).

Looking for any advice generally, and to be reassured that tempting though it is to instantly have longer hair, having extensions probably isn’t the answer?......

I totally understand how you are feeling. Personally, I would try to avoid going down the route of hair extensions. I feel they could put more pressure on your hair and cause you more problems but I am no expert.

I had thinning hair when I was younger and this was down to a thyroid problem. Have you had your thyroid checked? My hair did recover but I have had stages where I have had more hair fall out. I have found using Philip Kingsley Elasticiser has really helped. This is a pre-shampoo mask. I pop it on my hair prior to washing, wrap my hair in a towel and leave it for as long as possible. A few hours if I have the time but sometimes it is just 30 mins. I also take iron tablets and I have found collagen tablets have also helped. My friend takes the Boots supplement for hair, skin and nails and that has helped.

I too used to have my hair highlighted but now I have a semi every 5 weeks. I go to the salon for this. I only have highlights once a year (normally at Christmas) I found when they took the foils out I used to lose more hair. If you have an Aveda salon near you I think their hair colour is more natural.

I also stopped having layers. I found layers made my hair look thinner and more flyaway. I now have a blunt cut, which not thinning out, no layers, no softening the ends and I found instantly that my hair looked thicker. Initially, I went to a new hairdresser and had a chat and I decided to go shorter to get rid of most of the layers - this made a huge difference to how my hair looked. It also started to grow much more quickly.

The other thing I have found helps is not to wash my hair every day.

In the first instance, I would get an appointment at the doctors to get your iron and thyroid levels checked. Try not to stress, I know that is not easy. Hope this helps and sorry if it is a bit rushed but I'm having one of those Monday mornings but I didn't want to not post anything as I do understand how you feel.

have a blunt cut, with no thinning out - sorry should have proof read

I was in a similar place 6 months ago due to repeated box-dying and a period of being quite ill with an autoimmune condition (Addison's). I decided to give my hair a year of tlc before getting it cut short, just to see if it could recover. It's working out really well and my hair is looking better than it has for ages. Here's what I've done:

• Invested in a really good, gentle hair brush to prevent breakage. I use the Wet Brush, for both wet and dry brushing. It's fab.
• Tried to wear protective updos as much as possible and a loose top knot in bed in order to prevent breakage.
• Drastically reduced heat styling, which I now do about once a month. My hair air dries at all other times.
• Started Olaplexing at home on a monthly basis.
• Started using a moisturising leave-in and a hair oil every day, and a moisturising mask on a weekly basis.
• Adopted the condition-wash-condition (cwc) method, and now only shampoo around my hairline and along my parting.
• Grew out my layers and got a blunt cut. Made sure I never go longer than 8 weeks between trims.
• Got a colour that's very close to my natural shade so it requires less maintenance. Only have colour with a protective bonding treatment.

Thank you all for the advice. My hairdresser had recommended the Philip Kingsley Elasticizer so I’m definitely going to try that. I went to Boots earlier but was bamboozled by the sheer range of products for hair repair etc. Has anyone tried the Aussie range for hair that breaks? They have a 3 minute miracle oil too that can be used on wet or dry hair – has anyone used it? I’m reluctant to spend £9.99 if it’s no good. Also, the Lee Stafford hair growth range looks interesting – has anyone tried it? Thanks.

Have you tried coconut oil on wet hair? I read about it on S&B and it has transformed the condition of my hair making it look loads thicker too. I towel dry my hair and then work some coconut oil (same stuff as you use for cooking but much cheaper from Amazon than supermarket) through it and air-dry. If it looks fluffy the next day I just wet it and put on a wee bit more oil, so can go far longer between washes. It's amazing stuff!

Thank you. Doesn't the oil make the hair greasy?

Not if you put it on wet hair- I only put it on the ends, not the roots. I wasn't convinced either but it doesn't look greasy or oily at all.

Have you looked at the Liz Earle hair care range. I use the LE shampoo and conditioner and the Botanical Shine Nourishing Hair Oil. The hair oil can be used on wet or dry hair and I use it both ways - you only need a small amount. It has lots of natural ingredients in it including coconut oil. I switch between the LE products and I also use the Philip Kingsley Body Building Shampoo and Moisture Balancing Conditioner. I found QVC were really good for PK products they also do LE products but I usually get LE from the LE website as they quite often have good offers and free postage.

My hair was in really poor condition, breaking and thinning. Turns out I had extremely low iron levels.

I've been taking a multivitamin as well as separate iron tablets and it's back to growing fast and thick :)

I'm using Plantur 39 - the caffeine shampoo and the lotion - so far so good. That's interesting about the loose top knot girlywurly - I'll try that as well

Don't use home dyes if at all possible they are not kinder to the hair and you risk over processing previously dyed hair. A t section is the best way to keep highlights fresh with least damage preferably with Opalex and use opalex 3 at home as if they can use a tint instead of bleach - does depend on your base colour.
Agree a blunt cut as short as you think you can take will really improve the overall condition and make it feel thicker.
Elasatiser is excellent
On holiday I would really recommend using hair oil/leave in conditioner with an spf in it otherwise you risk more damage.

Thank you all so much.

I've started a rescue plan - I'm using a light hair oil (Aussie) that can be used on wet or dry hair so am using it before I wash, and a tiny amount after to moisturise and trying the Lee Stafford spray leave-in growth treatment. Also leaving an intensive mask on for as long as I can after washing.

In addition I'm letting my hair dry naturally.

I had a consultation with a new hairdresser/colourist earlier who really seems to know what she's talking about and has helped me devise a plan to get away from very regular blonde highlights, and ease me back to a more low maintenance style and colour. She also re-assured me that apart from the ends, my hair really isn't in as bad a condition as I feared. Just needs a jolly good trim which I'll have after my holiday in a couple of weeks.

Lastly I've ordered some Philip Kingsley Elasticizer, and have added his shampoo, conditioner and conditioning spray to my birthday list - fingers crossed!

I finally feel like there may be hope!

Oh and am going to have an Olaplex treatment after my holiday too.

There's definitely hope! Just give it time. You'll be amazed how fantastic your hair is looking in six months time!

Girywurly - may I ask what moisturising leave-in you use please? Thanks.

Betty, i too have had similar problems to you and have considered extensions but as my hair's so fine and fragile I know it would be one the worst things I could do to it!

I'm 18 months into an action plan and have finally started to see results, mainly because all the broken top layers are now growing through. The plan involved:

A course of various vitamins every day. the ones I've stuck with are biotin, colllagen and a multivitamin.

Having my hair cut quite drastically twice to even up the broken layers but also fairly regular light trims.

Giving up the bleach; the best thing I have done. Instead I have a high lift and some kind of dye put on that is meant to actually nourish the hair (a new one that my hairdresser has started using)

Using better products. I really recommend the Philip Kingsley elasticiser, and indeed all his products, including the heat protection spray. I use Mane and Tail shampoo and conditioner.

Stopped using the straighteners so much, and ALWAYS use a heat protector first. Comb through with a wide tooth comb and leave to dry sometimes. Invested in a new Maison Pearson hairbrush, which is so gentle and conditions as it brushes.

I use the Aussie moisturising one. I find Aussie products really good for the price, as I can't afford posher stuff - although I will be investing in PK Elasticizer after this thread!

Btw, I agree with Teal that it takes time to see serious results, and that the big change is when the top layer grows out.

Yeah it seems to take forever, and can feel so disheartening, but if your hair's broken off, you have to be patient to let the new, or trimmed-off, healthy hair to come down. And seeing as it takes on average 1cm per month to grow, that's quite some time. It is worth it though, when you suddenly find your hair feels softer and thicker and looks glossier!

Thanks all for your suggestions.

I've spent the GDP of a small country on hair products, and am having a salon Olaplex treatment on Saturday, and will keep this up at home.

I'm off to much hotter climes in a couple of weeks so now thinking about sun/pool protection etc.

I do however keep having weak moments where I'm tempted by the quick fix of extensions. It's my 40th birthday soon and I don't want my abiding memory when I look at the photo's to be 'God, I had s**t hair when I turned 40'......