Help me not be ugly

[user1457213512]

Hi
Ok, perhaps I'm not ugly per se, but I am weird and plain looking. Large jaw line making me look manly, wonky slightly yellow teeth, pale skin, glasses. Strange body, very much a pear shape (12 or 14 on top, 16 or 18 on the bottom), very small boobs and am extremely long torso with short dumpy legs.

Thing is I spend a fortune on beauty products and clothes but I never look any different. My hairs still a dry crispy flyaway mess, my skin and face look no different no matter how much make up I pile on, I always look scruffy even in a new outfit. I get sweaty and shiny just walking down the road (trying to get fit/lose weight but makes no different) with sweat dripping down my back (I don't have a thyroid issue). I'm dreading the summer as I always look horrible, particularly as I need to cover my arms (I don't like showing my arms due to psoriasis/self consciousness).
I don't have much money but would appreciate tips on how I can look just a little bit nicer and dare I say it 'normal'. I see so many perfectly groomed women around and I just don't know how they manage it. Would like to look a little bit nice just for a day.

Please help! Any tips appreciate. Thank you.

I think a bit of self esteem would help. I am sure thinks are not as bad as you feel. I joined slimming world and lost four stone. I began power walking and after several months can run 5k, embrace the sweat when exercising. I always use a intensive conditioner after every wash. A tiny amount of frizz ease serum stops my hair being fly away. Hope this helps a little.

Have you thought about make up lessons with a make up artist?.

You can spray antiperspirant everywhere, even your back.
Would sunlight help your psoriasis?
I use a smokers toothpaste & Eucryl powder for my teeth.

Oh I forgot Crest whitening strips work for me once a year.

I'm a pear as well.

For clothes, wear plain trousers and brighter tops. Don't wear v-necks, but wear Bardot tops, round tops, boat beck tops etc. I like Bootcut shaped trousers although that's very anti mn.

One of my friends has lost weight by going for a walk every night. She does an hours but if that's not possible, do thirty minutes. Even a ten minute walk before Corrie starts is better than nothing.

Asda, Tesco and sainsbury all have sales at present. Can you order anything from them cheaply.

I have a pixie haircut with highlights . Easiest haircut ever. Has your hairdresser what would suit you.

Regarding skin, cut out fizzy drinks etc, and drink more water.

I very very much doubt you look as bad as you describe. Some CBT might help your self-esteem hugely. I think the big issue here is that you don't like you and all the rest is window dressing. You need to start loving yourself and what you have without comparing to others - comparison is the thief of joy.

However there are things you can do on the loving what you have journey that I have found make a lot of difference for minimal effort:

Bra intervention. Transforms your shape.

Go shopping with a personal shopper if you can afford it. Google to see if someone does it locally to you - I went with a retired former store based shopper when I was obese and thought I was irredeemable. Going with with someone who had worked for years in highstreet fashion was a revelation. Spent far less, got clothes that fitted and suited me and made up outfits.

Teeth - unlikely anyone actually notices. If you really really want to, get them whitened. Otherwise use whitening tips from Mumsnet.

Makeup - probably the answer will be wear less not more. Most women that look groomed are under, rather than over done. Makeup lesson might help but you would have to be careful who you had it with. Otherwise Lisa Eldridge's youtube videos are great for going through the basics of makeup so you stop wasting money and learning some easy but professional looks.

Hair - go to a different hairdresser and ask about styles and product. If your hair is in anyway wavy or curly, learn online about what hair-type it is and what product and styles are going to suit it. British Curlies is a great starting place. Most supermarket products are not going to be your friend.

Sweatiness - Mitchum 48 hr stick. If not enough then Dri-Clor.

Skin - you would need to post about exactly what your skin issues are. However the beauty industry exploits our ignorance of what works to sell us lots of stuff - if women knew what ingredients worked and how cheap they are the industry would go bust. They love selling you more and more stuff that's crap while making you feel insecure about how you look.

Finally weight - you won't lose weight from reading a book but Fat Chance by Robert Lustig is a great book, explaining why so many of us are overweight and how it's not your fault you got there. Has lots of guidance about losing weight as well and quitting sugar. Your skin will thank you for that too.

Believe me, none of us are perfect and we shouldn't have to be. I have unusual shaped teeth, they're not a great colour either as I had no enamel on them and had to have treatment, my mouth isn't particularly a nice shape, I've got small boobs, a saggy bum and despite regularly exercising my tummy will always be wobbly. I always think everyone else looks so much more stylish than me.

Regarding clothes if you wear jeans, it might be worth wearing wearing high waisted jeans with tops that aren't too long.

My daughter and I don't have dry hair, but it's long and can be flyaway. We both agree Herbal Essences is the one shampoo and conditioner than really helps it. It might be worth going somewhere like Boots that have a large selection of creams for problem skin. If you can't afford them, then something like Nivea boby lotion might leave them a bit smoother.

Do you have a friend you can trust who would spend some time going through your clothes with you and you could point out what they think suits you more.

Thank you for the tips all. Have made a note and will take them on board.

Great post Hulder. Op have you ever read The Twits by Roald Dahl?
It's not the outer layer that makes someone ugly, it's who they are.
You are not. Accepting yourself is the only way through life, imho.

Oh, my favourite type of thread. I'll try help and address all your issues

First things to do; go get a proper haircut & colour (if necessary). how is your hair at the moment? sort your eyebrows professionally (benefit counters are good & cheap-ish), take proper care of your nails and get good hygiene products and an expensive perfume

-About teeth- use crest whitening strips or even better get a proper dentist appointment as you might have other issues as well.
Your priority should be your teeth being healthy and then white
-Weight- that needs to be addressed as it seems to be your main issue. Cut out sugar, fast food, sodas & alcohol completely. How does your lifestyle look? Do you work? Are you busy?
-Make-up- Go to one of the beauty counters (I recommend MAC, URBAN DECAY or Bobbi Brown). THOUGH I DO SUSPECT that you don't take care of your skin! What's your skin type?
-Clothing- invest in basics (good jeans, white & black shirts, a quality cardigan, a pair of quality shoes, a nice bag, a skirt & a dress that flatter your body shape)

Please feel free to ask any questions if I can help further :-)

OMG I could have written this. Different shape and all that but the same sick feeling looking in shop windows and photos.

No idea what's happened but I've turned into an old skinny witch like woman.

I buy loads of stuff but I have a pin head and tiny hooded eyes and lips etc so can't get on board with all the brows and contouring.

Op, no advice but I sympathise.

Thank-you

I have to watch myself for the comparing. Whenever I am doing lots of comparing I know I'm not happy.

Generally I don't wear makeup at all. But I wanted to for my wedding and so I watched hours and hours of Lisa Eldridge. I still can't do eyeliner to save my life but knowing how to choose the right foundation saved me so much effort. On the day people thought I'd got a professional.

Right foundation (don't go for heavy coverage, makes 99% of women look worse), Benefit gimme brow, a tubing mascara and a Chubby stick (or cheap knockoff) are all you really need to look like you have made an effort.

I can still remember the day I had my bra intervention - Rigby and Peller, I travelled all the way to London to go having seen them on Richard and Judy. I went in a 36B and went out a 32F. With a waist. And boobs that might take your eye out It was like a miracle.

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Roald Dahl