Acne has destroyed me life.

[PrejudicePride]

I'm 26 years old.

A couple of years ago, I was studying economics at a RG university. Right at the start of my second year, I developed a pretty severe case of cystic acne. It cleared up eventually, but I was left with scarring not unlike what's shown in the linked picture here (maybe even worse). Warning: Graphic

I stopped attending school before final exams rolled around because I could no longer stand going outdoors. Since then, I have barely left the house and have been in contact with nobody. Pathetic, I know.

I have considered getting laser treatments. However, the improvement rate stands to be only approx 50-60%, which isn't good enough for me. I've also been on the relevant forums and am frankly quite perturbed by the number of people who say they have experienced fat loss a year afterwards.

My fund is running out soon and I'm starting to feel desperate. Even if it weren't, this isn't a way to live. It's awful. I feel awful. Like I'm Freddy Krueger or something. WWYD if you were me?

*my life not me life

It sounds like you've been through an awful time. I think you need to work on your self confidence. I don't know anything about facial scarring sorry,maybe someone else will be able to recommend some treatments. I can guarantee you don't look anything like Freddie Kruger.

So many people develop illnesses that have the potential to destroy your self esteem. Your post struck a cord with me because I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease during my first year of uni. I managed to finish my degree but the effects on my life we devastating. 20 years later and I'm able to stick 2 fingers up at it and not be so affected by the symptoms but it took me a long time to accept that I wouldn't be able to fulfill my potential in either my career or my personal life.

These scares don't define you. You need to hold your head up high,look the world in the eye and crack on with your life. You're still so young.

*scars

I'm sorry to hear about your acne and the scarring. I understand to a certain extent having suffered from severe rosacea, thankfully now under control. During a bad flare up I wouldn't want to leave the house, my face would be so red, sore and bumpy (see pic). I always used camouflage makeup to help cover the worst of it, there are several out there, it might be worth investigating just to give you a bit of confidence to face the world. I believe the Red Cross have a camouflage service which might be of some use.
In the meantime try and be kind to yourself, I imagine you are probably more aware of it than others. Take care and good luck

I looked at that picture and thought absolutely nothing. It's just skin on a face. If that's what you look like, or even 10 times worse, you have nothing to worry about. Please go and see your GP or a counsellor. You are so young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Do you have family or friends you can talk to?

My DH had a childhood accident that left severe facial scarring. It's not stopped him be successful or happy or have good friends. It never occurred to him that people would care and they don't. But you have obviously been traumatised by this and you need help to get over it.

Acne is so cruel and painful. The scares left behind are an added injury!

I had really bad acne on my cheeks when I was younger. I hated going on and if I did I was caked in make up (which made things worse!)

My cheeks are now covered in scars (and I still have large pours and greasy skin). I looked into getting a course of chemical peels but chickened out.

I just put on bare minerals powder and eye make up and go about my day. Sure in some lights (the tube, lifts etc) my skin looks terrible but I can't help it. It is what it is and I've wasted enough of my life staying in so I don't care what people think anymore.

You probably notice your skin more than anyone else. Please try and get out and start enjoying life!

Laser doesn't melt fat. You might be mixing it up with Hifu/ultherapy, which has got a lot of bad press about fat melting. Laser can do a lot, as can the obagi nu derm programme. I have suffered for years with cystic acne, so I know how it makes you feel like you want to hide away but I'm the same as Disappearing - if I see someone with acne, I think......absolutely nothing. Please don't waste these precious years hiding away. Go to your doctor and/or see a dermatologist.

I think it is unfair to tell you to forget about it. Acne can ruin lives.

My mum had similar pitting acne and had full-on cosmetic dermabrasion in the 1960s. She says it changed her life. May be one to consider?

You poor thing, your life is so restricted - please make it a priority to address this!

Your issue is not your skin, but your MH.
Please see your GP and access some psychological therapies as well as dermatology advice.

Your skin is really not the issue. I understand you want to to improve the look of it but it is really not that bad. And I can say that as someone who actually did twice have a stranger comment on my skin (which was bright red and peeling in anger). It wasn't nice but I knew that their opinion was irrelevant (and to be honest, they were trying to be nice just that it is inappropriate to comment at all). It never stopped me doing anything I wanted to do.

So go and see a dermatologist (a proper doctor not a cosmetic nurse or beauty therapist) but firstly go to your GP and tell him you can't leave the house. Anxiety is your problem, not your skin. If you don't get a handle on the anxiety, your skin could clear up tomorrow and you will wouldn't feel able to leave the house. Your level of anxiety is entirely unrelated to you skin which is really not that bad.

And FYI my sister had laser treatment for acne scarring. It is not a magic bullet and the recovery from each session is brutal. It takes time to see a difference but she is happy with the results.

I continue to battle with rosacea which is vastly improved after seeing doctors but will be an ongoing thing. It will never be perfect but that is life

Have you watched any of the TV programmes with Katie Piper about facial disfigurement? Might be worth doing so for confidence inspiration and context.

I agree with pp.

Not trying to minimise at all, and I really do sympathise that this is a huge issue for you. But if I saw you, or someone with worse skin that that photo, I absolutely wouldn't think anything. I have a friend with similar and I barely notice her skin.

I think you should seek counselling in addition to looking for help with your skin. Help you accept that people aren't going to run away screaming at the sight of you. it is this huge thing that is all you can see when you look in the mirror. Nobody else will look at you that way.

I get you OP. While I also agree with other pps, the scarring shouldn't define you, I know it does. It's on your face and so visible. It happened at a vulnerable time. If you have ever suffered acne, you will know how devastating it is for some people. This is why I'm always harping on about acne NOT being a cosmetic issue.

I have seen v good results with laser. And even if you get, let's say, 60% (you might get better) improvement - that might make all the difference to you liviing your life. And no, it won't melt fat. I would urge you to go ahead and make your dermatologist appointment. You might be surprised what difference they can make. Make the appointment!

First step is to see your GP. If he/she isn't sympathetic in a "pull yourself together/you need to get out more" kind of way, ask to see another GP. I don't agree that "your skin isn't the problem". We live in a time where people with no qualifications/talent/personality are celebrities, simply because of how they look. The reverse is opposite in that, if you are different you can develop all sorts of confidence problems and it then really affects your day to day life.

Ask for a referral to a skin specialist. This is not "cosmetic"; it is a condition you're suffering with and it is preventing you from going forward with your studies/life.

Let us know how you get on?

Have you tried microdermabrasion?

See your GP. There are options out there

Has your acne cleared up now, or do you need to get that under control as well as tackle the scarring?

People underestimate how much skin issues can affect your self esteem. I would suggest that you take a break from reading forums and taking advice from unqualified people and go and see a dermatologist.

I recommend Dr Sam Bunting in London. I went to see her with a horrendous eczema for which my GP recommended E45 lotion. I followed Dr Bunting's advice and my skin cleared up within weeks. I felt horrendous when I went to see her because I looked like a lizard with my weeping skin. She listened to me and was very understanding that I was upset about my skin unlike my GP. Yes, it was a lot of money to spend but in the long run it was money well spent as I did not keep buying creams and going for treatments that did nothing. If you are not in London, do some research and try to see a dermatologist before you spend money on lasers etc. Good luck!

Thank you all for the replies.

I have been to a counsellor and a psychologist, way back before I started going "full hermit". This is going to sound like the epitome of shallowness, so pardon me for this.

The counsellor was an extremely lovely lady, but in my head she was "too pretty" and I felt embarrassed in front of her so that wasn't going to work. The subsequent psychologist I went to turned out to be an alumnus from my uni (and was from the same debate society no less). I couldn't even listen to anything she said nor could I speak about my problems because I was just so humiliated at my predicament and my self-perceived "fall from grace". I didn't return.

Shall probably go see my dermatologist soon. I know it's their job and they have probably seen worse, but I'm scared? I don't even like appearing timorous in front of anyone, and I can almost guarantee that having someone scrutinise my face will make me break down. I mean, I stopped playing the piano solely because glossy surfaces and sunlight make me look utterly rebarbative!

Told myself I'd make the call on Monday though, so we'll see.

Anybody readying your posts can see how disproportionate your distaste in your appearance has become - I can only repeat, your main issue is not your skin, it's your mental health and how you think about yourself.
Do see your dermatologist (a medical one, yes? Not a beautician although many cosmetic treatments are provided only in the private sector, please see a doctor first), but please go back to seek some psychological help to get things in to perspective again.

It is your perception of your skin that is the issue here, not the actual skin.
You going 'full hermit' is really potentially quite damaging because becoming a prisoner in your own home is not much fun, is it? No trained counsellor will think of you as 'weak' or 'vain' or anything else. In many ways what you are describing sounds like some form of body dysmorphia to me, a distorted perception of what you actually look like, rather than a reflection of reality.

Please look after yourself, don't beat yourself up, but actively seek help

Actually, I do think the issue is your skin, rather than your mental health. A counsellor will not work in isolation until you feel a bit more in control of your skin. I've had periods where I've wanted to hide away due to my skin. You feel so judged for it and everyone around seems to have good skin. It's just so bloody demoralising. Is your acne still active or is it just scarring you want to address? A well recommended, kind dermatologist will help you loads. I'm in cheshire, if that's near you? Where are you, so you can get recommendations?

I do think it's important that you see a derm and don't just focus exclusively on the social anxiety. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

If you are conscious of your skin and you don't allow close social contact as a result that does not bode well for your mental health. Since I found something to (finally) clear up my acne at the age of 41 my confidence has grown massively. It's just one less thing to worry about!

I have had both acne and rosacea (and many days when a brown paper bag over my head sounded just right). I think skin issues can make you feel extremely low. You don't sound shallow at all. However, I am also worrying about your life - it seems that you are really alone with some really difficult thoughts and feelings. Perhaps you need both a skin consultation and some counseling to cope with everything? Would any of this describe what you are going through atm?

Hi OP
Sorry to hear what you having been going through. Unless someone is walking in your shoes they often have no idea of what your going through. I've suffered a long time...waking up in the morning and touching my face and then looking in the mirror is a ritual to see what has grown overnight. I've been to the GP previously..treatments not successful but I'm going back. I've eliminated food groups...you name it. Society can be superficial and I've had a comment from stranger who I think had her own issues as I could self harm scars on her but which was so embarrassing as there were many people around me who could hear.
I wish you all the best and seek the help of the dermatologist and some emotional support again to help rebuild your self esteem so you can start looking to the future again and maybe play the piano again. We need things in our lives to bring us happiness....life can be so challenging at times. I know my skin issues has brought on depression for me but I'm making plans to try and be happy and that helps. Little things like reading helps me ;). I thought about laser but my skin is so sensitive and makeup helps hide it.
Good Luck x

Have you considered asking the GP to refer you to the dermatologist for Roaccutane? Got rid of my skins problems and the redness left behind by (mild) scarring.

My skin is similar to the picture you linked. I hate it. I can't afford laser or any other fancy treatments so I'm basically stuck with it. I use a lightweight foundation to "cover" it, but that's more of a psychological barrier because it doesn't actually make much difference. I've put a picture on, but I'm not going to put the "graphic" warning, because I'm not so hideous I need to be hidden.

However, you need to find a way to stop it ruining your life. Yes, it sucks. Big time. When I was your age, I still had the actual acne. Two courses of Roaccutane left me with the scarring. Stupid people made rude comments, but hey at least I'm only ugly on the outside, right? 😉

Your skin does not define you. I cannot stress this enough. Unless you let it. You are giving something you can't control too much power over your life. You need to take back that power. As you know, there are things that can be done. If you can afford them, or convince a doctor that you need them, then go for it. If not, then you will have to do what I've done, which is accept that no one is perfect.

Don't worry, I'm not saying that like it's easy and it will just happen, but I've got 20 years on you and I promise you, at some point, something will feel more important.

I agree with PPs that this has way more to do with your anxiety and disordered thinking than your skin. I can honestly say my skin has mattered way less since I've been properly medicated for my anxiety and depression.