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Original poster

Terrible insult - I am devastated

108 replies

mousymary · 24/04/2017 11:41

Was out yesterday and a woman stopped me and asked if I was Sam's mum. No, I reply, not Sam's mum. She goes on to say I am spitting image of her daughter's friend's mother, and so I ask if she is confusing me with another woman whose mum I might be, and, if so, how old is her daughter and friend.

Forty !!!!! I actually exclaimed "Forty! You think I could have a forty-year-old daughter!!" And I walked off saying I was going home to soak in a bath of Oil of Olay.

I am so upset. I am 52, but to have a 40-year-old dd... well, that would make me 56 at absolute best but in all probability... mid 60s.

Now, I don't take that much care of my appearance, but now I'm staring in the mirror thinking perhaps I do look old for my age. I don't wear "old lady" clothes, nor do I have grey hair. Is there anywhere that does a Ten Years Younger service? I feel really down about this.

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 24/04/2017 12:25

I always get asked if I have an over sixties railcard when I buy a train ticket (I am not over sixty - on the other hand I am quite excited about getting my railcard when I am )

I personally find it hard to guess the age of anyone over about fifty. And frankly I don't care, age is irrelevant and so are looks.

When I was about 45 and DS was 20, an old bloke did ask DS if I was his wife - to which DS shrieked 'NOOOOOOOOO she's my mother -My MOTHER' I laughed my head off

LaGattaNera · 24/04/2017 12:26

Blinkin heck Panda!!

RomanticWalksToTheFridge · 24/04/2017 12:27

When I was about 35 I was asked for my autograph because the person thought I was Imogen Stubbs. I was delighted, until I realised she would have been 18 years older than me at the time.

(I am still secretly delighted though.:) )

Bloomed · 24/04/2017 12:28

At age 25 on the same day I was IDd for a bottle of wine and in the taxi on way to dinner party with the wine the (rude) taxi driver asked me if I had kids. I replied not yet and he said with a sharp intake of breath 'you've left it a bit late'. You can't put too much store by this.

RedSkyAtNight · 24/04/2017 12:29

People don't think things through if they have an idea in their head.

We had a woman come to the door once. She asked if I was Sarah. I replied I wasn't. She followed up with "I was looking for my son's friend's grandmother". We soon worked out what house she should have gone to, but in the doing so found out that son's friend was 10. I was 32!!

purplegreen99 · 24/04/2017 12:30

I find it very hard to judge ages and am also tactless, so this is the sort of thing I might say. I think people between about 35 and 60 can look quite similar in age, especially women because of make up, hair styles and hair colourings. Don't be insulted, it doesn't mean you look older than you are, maybe you have a similar hair cut or colour or your face shape, height, etc are similar to this other woman. Age is just one part of what makes you look the way you look. I would probably think you looked like someone if your hair was a similar length and colour and your jacket looked similar - I'm just not good on details of faces & maybe this woman wasn't either. She probably felt bad at accidentally offending you!

Enidblyton1 · 24/04/2017 12:30

Ah, I wouldn't worry about it at all - many people are totally useless at guessing ages. It doesn't mean you look in your 60s. I'm nearly 40, but could pass for 30 any day. So someone in their 50s could potentially be my mother. It probably says more for the youthful looks of Sam than you looking old.

Xcrispypancakesx · 24/04/2017 12:36

Maybe the last time the lady saw the women in question, she was around the age you are now?

Judydreamsofhorses · 24/04/2017 12:37

My partner took his mum to NY for the weekend for her 60th birthday. On going through customs, the security person asked his mum if this was her husband. My partner was 35 at the time. I think often people just don't think through what they're saying, and it's no real reflection on the person referred to.

HazelBite · 24/04/2017 12:37

A couple of years ago I went to an auction with DS2, he had just bought a flat and was looking for good second hand furniture etc. He fancied an original Roberts radio that was one of the lots so I bid for it for him against this man. I got the radio and ds was really pleased and we high fived after the hammer went down.
Shortly after the bloke came over and asked Ds if he was interested in radios as he himself was an enthusiast, and he said to Ds " Your girlfriend was determined to get it for you" DS was speechless (as was I)!!!!
Dear reader I was 32 when I gave birth to DS2

MrsKoala · 24/04/2017 12:38

The other day i got my first 'old as an insult' comment. It totally threw me. I was having a row with a woman in a carpark (i know, classy) and she kept saying 'just because you are old and sour' and said i shouldn't have had my kids (4,2, and 6mo) as i am 'obviously too old and bitter to look after them'. I was . I am just 40. That isn't old is it?

I was also because my age had nowt to do with the argument, but she kept banging on about it like it was some reason i was grumpy and not because she was a twat.

Neolara · 24/04/2017 12:39

I was asked if I was my friend's mum. She's 5 years younger than me. It was at that point that I decided to dye my hair.

AtrociousCircumstance · 24/04/2017 12:41

Some people are very bad at guessing age. I know someone who mistook a 44 year old for being in their twenties, and then thought a 62 year old was practically 80.

Don't take it to heart!

Joanna0685 · 24/04/2017 12:42

People ask me if my mum and I are sisters. Don't worry about it you probably just had similar features and if she had to ask she obviously is not very familiar with Sam's mum.

MrsLupo · 24/04/2017 12:42

I'm another one who can't tell how old anyone else is. Pretty much everyone between about 30 and 60 looks "about my age". Age is all pointless anyway, unless you're trying to calculate the odds of a medical event. Devastation seems extreme.

SpookyPotato · 24/04/2017 12:43

I think some people are just rubbish at age guessing OP, and she probably was concentrating on your facial features/hair being similar to the friends mum rather than age. My partner and I are always guessing peoples ages on tele and we always give very different answers. (I'm usually right )

The people who say you shouldn't be offended at looking older.. I wouldn't mind looking mid 60s when I'm actually round that age but not when I'm early 50s. I doubt many want to look many years older than they are and there's nothing wrong with that.

Lynnm63 · 24/04/2017 12:45

My dd asked in all seriousness if I was born in WW2. Her elder brother almost choked on his dinner he was laughing that much. I told her grandad was only just born in WW2. They are learning about the war at school.

5moreminutes · 24/04/2017 12:46

Next time don't delve - as others have said it really would have been a lot safer not to start asking for so many details about the person you were being mistaken for, opening yourself up for hurt (or perhaps half hoping for a compliment...)

Honestly most people are utterly crap at judging age, and there is really no such thing as looking a certain age.

Also most people assume far more people are their own age than really are - if you are 50, you sort of assume any stranger anywhere even vaguely in the "of working age but out of their 20s" category for whom you don't have any background info is also 50, if you are 40 you tend to assume a larger number of strangers and casual acquaintances are also somewhere around 40 too, the same if you are 30 or 60... (not that you walk up and guess their age, but there is a tendency to assume people are "about our age")

Ask somebody of 30, somebody of 40 and somebody of 50 to guess an ordinary 40 year old's age and its quite likely the 50 year old will guess older and the 30 yo younger, IME.

Epipgab · 24/04/2017 12:48

Maybe this woman just doesn't have very good eyesight? Don't take it personally!

Lynnm63 · 24/04/2017 12:49

Many years ago I was painting the house so I was in dungarees and pigtails, I answered the door to a salesman "hello, is your dad in" he said I was just about to reply "I'm the lady of the house" when dh, who was my boyfriend at the time, came downstairs in his dressing gown looking bleary eyed hungover salesman said "it's ok love your dads here now" he's 6 yrs older than me. He didn't make a sale and I've never let dh forget it

sizeofalentil · 24/04/2017 12:50

I blame American TV - all the TV shows have 25-year-old actors playing teenagers, and 35-year-old actors playing their parents.

TitsForBrains · 24/04/2017 12:50

My sister, who is just three years older than me, got asked if she was my mum at an event with my DH's family. I've not let her forget it

LadyKalila · 24/04/2017 12:51

Blimey, insulted, devastated? If that's all you've got to be devastated about your a lucky lady.

MackerelOfFact · 24/04/2017 12:53

I was recently at a National Trust property and the lady at the ticket desk asked me how old I was. Given that adult admission was for 16 to 65-year-olds, I'm not sure which end of the spectrum she thought I might be (and didn't dare ask!)

HolditFinger · 24/04/2017 12:55

I know how you feel! When I'd just had DD, people kept assuming I was her grandma. I was 38!

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