Why do some fat women look good and others (me) look awful?!

[0utForAWalkBitch]

Since having my second child 18 months ago I've struggled to lose the weight. I'm 5"3 and a solid size 14, and I'm struggling to dress myself. Overall I know I'm not huge (although my BMI is almost in obese category) but I feel I look awful all the time.

If you are a bit chubby what do you wear and where do you get your inspiration to look good?! I see women fatter than me who look better than me. Pre second child I was always pear shaped but very slim waisted so I always dressed to highlight that. I now have a tummy so I've no idea what to wear,plus I suffer from "violin hips".

Inspiration? Please?!

Ps I am working on slimming down as I know I'll be happier. But I retain weight while breastfeeding and despite healthy eating and regular exercise I'm staying the same weight, so for now I'm just choosing to focus on being healthy and feeling good and hoping the weight will drop off when it's ready.

To be fair I know a lot of slim women who look a bloody mess !

Hi OP
My situation is slightly different to most women at the moment. I'm a size 16 because I have abdominal separation and a hernia after the birth of my third child so my abdomen is affected. I am shortish,5'4 and because of my condition,I wear a fair amount of skater dresses perhaps a half size or size up which is flattering, so I buy 18 often depending on the cut. So perhaps don't go for shapeless tops with big arms that can age you and make you look shapeless, try dresses that are maybe more empire line under the bust ( get a good bra to lift your shape) and then flare out away from your bottom. Try wearing them with leggings,long boots and a leather jacket or long cardigan, plus a pretty scarf. Asos, Very and Simply Be do a good range of skater dresses which are good for me as they hide my issue and have a flattering shape.My figure is pear shaped and I have a big bum so I avoid clothes that are a flimsy material and pull your body shape out and down rather than up and in. Always have a dress with a lining or wear a camisole to keep material from sticking to it backside ! I agree with everyone else too, good hair, skin,nails,well applied make up, eyebrows and flattering jewellery goes a long way. Put pretty things in your hair too, so nice accessories and let your lovely personality shine through !! Doesn't matter how overweight you are, if you are beautiful on the inside, it will show on the outside. Kirtsy Allsop is a larger figure, but she always looks nice in her retro vintage style. I am a gothy, hippy type and I have developed that around my health issues so perhaps don't just buy a simple top and jeans off the shelf, think about what clothes expresses your personality - are you a glam girl,rock chick, hippy Bo Hi, fashionista, etc.Don't wear clothes that are just easy or look good on a model, adjust your style to suit your figure now. I have learned to dress how I think I want to be, not just a 45 year old frumpy mum of 3 if that makes sense!

I am bigger than you at 5ft 4 and size 18/20 (not really a stealth boast!!!). However I do try to dress smart (don't always manage that). But do make up well and dye my hair (rather a vibrant red colur but I think it suits me and matches my glass rims!). I am getting it cut again tomorrow as it soon get scruffy. I have also started to rub a bit of oil (Decleor's - for the body and hair) in my hair as it has got amazingly dry at the ends and most conditioners don't do a thing. Weird as my hair used to be greasy and now it is short I did not think the ends would be so dry.

I do need to maintain my nails a bit better as I am inclined to forget them.

There are a few role models out there although never slavishly copy anyone. Dawn French always looked good and I like Jenni Murray's style as well. Accessorise (sp?) etc etc.

I looked up a designer site just to see what plus sizes they did. They did a size 20 but only in a few things. I laughed when most that came up in a size 20 where handbags!!!!!

I agree that apple is hard to hide. I am overweight and it's all round my middle. Legs aren't bad, decent boobs but really round, sticky out belly. Fitted draws more attention to it,loose makes my whole top half massive. Would love to wear fitted blouses but just can't.

I'm 5'3' and a 16-18. I was a 22 for over 15 years so I still feel quite slim at my current weight even though I know I'm not really. But the point is, mindset is everything with how you look as it dictates what you project out to the world. To me, being a size 14 would be great but to you it means you're fat.

As others have already said, invest in yourself as you are currently if you know you are not going to be able to lose weight till you stop BF. Get a couple of great bras, find some clothes that emphasise the good bits of your shape. I'm a fat bottomed pear shape but have very slim ankles and amazing collarbones so I try and work to show these off.

One thing I learned after putting on weight (I'm a bit taller than you but similar size) is that you just have to accept the size you are. I was forever trying to find generously cut size 12 clothes, or trying on size medium because I'm short. Now I boldly look for size large or extra large, and am perfectly happy to try size 16 clothes if 14 looks tight. I was kidding myself that I'd only put a bit on.

Like you I used to have a slim waist, so kept choosing clothes that would enhance that long-gone feature. I recently bought a vast drapey sweater dress that hides everything underneath. It got loads of compliments.

Wearing clothes that fit or are even a tiny bit loose helps - I don't mean tents, but clothes that skim rather than cling.

BusterGonad I still look good now, because I learned to keep myself groomed! BC (before children) I was wearing wrong colours (clothes and makeup) and wrongly cut clothes (for my apple shape). When I put on 4 stone I took action by going to HOC and learning what colours suited me, got in the habbit of keeping nails and eyebrows maintained, etc. I went on a diet and it took me a year to lose the weight but I looked fabulous while doing that (and still do!).

In answer to OP's question it was colours, accessories (heels plus necklaces) and well cut cheap clothes that suit my apple shape (long tops, V necks, long cardigans, shift dresses never fit and flare, skinny or straight jeans never wide legged).

I'm a similar size to you op but battling with my new post baby shape (plus a stone and a bit of extra body!)
I always feel fat really. I have found that cheap clothes are a nono for me now, and tend to buy a few nice pieces at certain times in the year and all from the same place (so I can try on outfits rather than items).
I got rid of all my safe black clothes and thick jumpers because they drained me and made me look chunky.
Nice shoes that go with lots of different styles of outfit (eg I have some dainty hush puppies brogues in a light tan colour that go with jeans/dresses etc)

It's tops I struggle with- I don't confident about my middle and can never find tops which flatter. Everything seems to short, or too flouncy (like wrap tops) and I end up leaving empty handed when I shop for tops. I'm going to reread this thread tonight and hope someone on here has the secret!

I think I may have worded my OP badly, I didn't mean to suggest I look a mess usually, I'm pretty groomed, but pretty blah.

I see bigger women wearing things I feel I can't wear, like metallic pleated skirts, or jumpsuits, or dungarees. When I try this stuff I can't get it to look right, I'm obviously putting the outfit together wrongly for my shape, or have unrealistic expectations as the reality is too different to what I'm used to seeing in the mirror!

Good underwear is a good tip, I do have a good bra but I don't have any other sort of "sculpting" things. I have an old pair of Spanx but I hate feeling all trussed up but maybe I'll just have to get used to it if I want to look better!

I get what you meant OP. I'm a similar height and size and struggle at times yet I see larger women who just seem to carry it off better. In my case I think it's partly down to lack of tone - I'm not just fat I'm squidgy with it . I don't think being shortish helps either and big boobs just have a tendency to make anything look a bit matronly instead of edgy and cool.

Shift dresses.

A poster on here mentioned this ages ago- and it's a revelation. Don't wear anything waisted or tight fitting. And don't wear those 'apologetic' fat clothes- all neutrals and pastels.

I hear you, OP.

I'm coming to terms with being two stone heavier after having DC2. Its shite.

I have found that black skinny jeans balance out my horrendous middle section (where I carry ALL my weight). I have found that Joni 'holding power' jeans by Topshop are EXCELLENT. They suck in my tummy and make my legs look half decent.

I wear good quality tops that skim or are loose. Not the most flattering, but definitely better than fitted things which just highlight my multiple rolls.

'Violin hips'. Googled. I have these (size 10, 5'7", somewhere between apple and hourglass). I didn't realise it was a 'thing' and furthermore a 'thing' we were supposed to be concerned about.