My parents were very abusive to me when I was a child; my dad is a narcisstic bully and my mum is a narcissist and enabled him. I was never the favoured child and my parents always made out that I wasn't worth ever dressing up or wearing nice things and I would be shouted at/punished/ridiculed if I ever made an effort. My dad hates long hair and nice clothes and thinks that woman who make an effort are 'slags' and so my mum has always had to be a functional dresser with very short hair that looks like it's been cut at the barber's!
As I grew up, my mum would make snidey comments if ever I dressed up or bought myself something new, as if I wasn't worth it. She would call me a tart for wearing trendy clothes, and would go mad if I, for example, washed my hair 2 days running and would say that I was self absorbed. As a teenager she gave me such a hard time if I bought any new clothes and as an adult once I'd moved out.
In the end I cut contact with my parents but I can't get over the feeling that I'm not worth spending any money on myself, and therefore buy myself cheap clothes in primark, charity shops, Ebay, Peacocks and the odd sale item from other shops. I just can't bring myself to spend more even though I'd like to spend more, as I just don't feel like I'm worth it, in the back of my mind.
We're not rich by any means, not even particularly well off, but I can afford a few nice bits seasonally for myself , so I don't understand why I keep buying cheap things that really don't look that nice on me.
How can I start investing in myself more? I've been given £150 to treat myself from a family member but still can't bring myself to buy something more pricey than my usual.