Style/looks judged by family

[Moodybint]

Is it just my family, or do others have problems with being judged for my style/looks?

My Mother and sibling seem to think it's socially acceptable to tell me I look better with highlights (I'm naturally dark); I look tired/pale if not wearing make up; piercing (tiny) makes me look like a chav, oh and so does having my hair cut into a bob! Not sure how?! Shoulder length currently.

Looks seem to be a pertinent subject in my family. Looks, weight, tatttoos, piercings on others (in the street, on TV) are often commented on before even considering what a person may be like.

I know we all judge to a point, but I think that this goes beyond normal. I'm 37 now so I am able to make my own decisions (luckily!), but I feel as if this affected me a lot when I was younger. The more I think about it, the more I realise it has taken me a long time to be able to make my own decisions without looking for validation.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has this issue. Other than that, my family are very kind. I just find it all very shallow and a bit sad really.

Yes , I think you are right!

I'm astounded at all of these nasty comments made by family members. As it was said above, 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.'

I like the comments above, shaming the perpetrator. I don't usually tend to shame the person in question, I just say that I'm not interested in their opinion.

I genuinely don't think my Mum is jealous of me. She is better looking than me ( I've been told this a lot), although I'm by no means ugly. I think she would have liked me to have the life she wanted, perhaps. I married someone with a couple of tattoos Shock, Horror!!!! Haha

My mother does that. About my body size, I'm a bit too muscular to be considered classically beautiful. Although I'm not a body builder or anything.

She hates my tattoo.

She likes my hair to be long and bohemian ish, with volume. If I ask her if she likes my hair the answer is usually no. Because it's apparently too short. It's boob length, btw.

My clothes are either too corporate, too boring or too sexy.

I either wear too much makeup or look tired...

My MIL is a bit like that as well. She certainly hates my tattoo as well.

And the comments she makes about other people's looks!!!'

I'm sure your mother is perfect as well 1horatio!

I guess all we can do is teach our children that kindness is the most important trait in a person and hope that nobody else fuck them up. I will definitely not tolerate it around my DD.

So today I wore a skirt and my mum actually said I look nice !!shock horror !!

jessie
That's awesome. Mine told me I showed too much cleavage... well, these two pillows of fat are currently still lactating (a bit) is it a surprise that they're a bit more prominent than usually?

moody well, lets be honest, she was an incredibly beautiful woman. And is still very pretty for her age?

The closest my mother has ever got to giving me a compliment was 'striking', it was my wedding day and probably the best I've ever looked in my life.

I have never had a compliment or adverse comment about anything I have worn from, any member of my family.
Plenty about how I chose to spend my money or things I chose to do usually as a result of spending money.

I am not sure if I should be grateful or not. It is wearing to hear "oh you look lovely, doesn't she look good in that coat / dress / trousers" about a sibling and then nothing about your lovely new coat or dress. I will take the blessing in disguise but it makes you as unconfident if there is no comment as I am hearing from those who suffer adverse comments, simply you never feel that you got it right somehow

Some people withhold compliments. Feel smug in the knowledge that they do so only because they feel inadequate themselves.

Au contraire. You have got us exactly right if compliments are conspicuous by their absence. Some people are very odd.

If you know, you look good that should be confirmation enough.

You have got it...

If you know you look good, that should be confirmation enough.

That's not true caraspen... your mum is the person you want to hear only nice things from . I constantly tell my dd ( 13) that she is beautiful and looks lovely . It's my job to build up her self esteem not knock it down . She has the most amazing figure and I'm not jealous , I'm happy for her !!! ... when we named her my mum actually said to me ' well I hope she isn't like you ' .. ( she has a very ' tall ' name ) !!! Luckily she is like dh!!! I'm genuinely pleased for her .. I don't get why you wouldn't be !!

leadrightfoot - that sounds just as difficult to bear. My younger sister is always complimented on her style. She is more conservative than I am, so I believe she fits in with the family 'vision' for the children, as such.

Buy your mum a wristband from the Sophie foundation
www.sophielancasterfoundation.com/
And tell her to wind her neck in

Your family have no right to comment or pass judgement oh how you look
Or anyone else for that matter

Yes, the women in my family do this and it drives me mad. Just after having my son a few years ago, m my sister commented that I should be careful my partner doesn't stray because I had piled in weight and looked a mess and that's what makes men have affairs. It made me furious and sad. I try to stay away as much as possible and hope my own daughter never feels these bizarre expectations that she needs to look 'good' at all times.

'I'm really not interested in your opinion, and it is such a pity you haven't picked up on that"'

Absolutely love this. It's assertive and scathing without being rude, and I will definitely be using it one day!

My mother and sister have made horrible comments about my and other people's looks. When my mother saw a photo of my friend's baby, all she could say was that she was glad baby didn't have her mother's nose (friend has quite a large nose). Always with the negatives and the nastiness

isancerre, I just had a quick look over at the website. I didn't know that had happened. That's horrific. I've started teaching my daughter about diversity very young. What a great charity.

Badhairday1001 what a terrible thing to say to someone. I have never had that said directly to me, but when someone's partner has been unfaithful, looks have often been named as the culprit, in my family.

Lottapianos, this also sounds very familiar to me. Very sad that that's all that can be taken from such a wonderful time.

Moodybint

It was awful but her mum is a superstar in setting up the charity and campaigning for tolwrance
I've always been a bit alternative and in the 80s my mum never batted an eyelid when I went out looking like Edward scissorhands or wearing pyjamas
She would always say " you look nice"

Self-esteem is so important and its a parents job to nurture it in their children

That's fantastic. I hope I am that sort of mother. I believe I am.