Party shoe challenge for impossible feet

[SomewhatIdiosyncratic]

I have to concede that after something like 15 years, my party shoes are dying. The elastic on the straps has perished, and the straps have gone stiff rendering them uncomfortable.

My feet are demanding task masters. Their requirements are:
Stupidly small and wide. Size 2, but I can potentially go up to size 4 because of their off the scale width. (Also high, bony arches)
Not too high, my feet aren't physically long enough!
Narrow heels. My feet must be strapped in to avoid the skin being grated off in minutes by slopping around. Court/ ballet shoes have always guaranteed failure.
Dainty. Due to lack of length, high arches and excessive width, most styles look clumpy. Wedges tend to be too bulky.
Not elderly. I'm in my 30s and scrub up well, and don't want shoes that make my grandmother look frumpy. Sadly most shoes that are wide seem to fail this criteria.
Not too many pressure points. Thin strappy shoes seem to trap and pinch my feet, probably because I've upsized for an adult range, and my joints are in the wrong place.
Not pink with bows or flowers. Kids shoes tend to be a fail on this count. My feet may be the same size as an average 9 year old but my taste isn't.
Can be bought in a shop so I can attempt to get 4 toes in, pull a face and give back to the assistant. No wasted postage and packaging and trips to the post office because my feet hate shoes on principle.

I've trawled through my usual suspects of M&S, Ecco, Clarks, Pavers and Hotter and am completely uninspired. Any suggestions on anything /anywhere that remotely stands a chance of my ungrateful demanding feet actually enjoying a night out and looking remotely attractive? The final insult is that as it's so hard to find anything that can be worn for more than 3 minutes, it needs to work with just about any outfit. It's the faithful silver beaded pointed toe, ankle straps that have been worked to death after a long life.

I'm out next weekend, so no time to train my feet to like shoes or have a double foot transplant.

Can anyone help with this impossible challenge?

Have you seen Clarks Chorus Thrill? They also have a couple of similar styles. I have wide high arched size 4.5 feet and they are the first dressy shoes I have been able to wear in years.

How much money can you spend? High end designer shoes come in size 35. Have a look on The Outnet, Net a Porter, Selfridges etc.

My suggestion may possibly be too frumpy actually.

Have you looked at New Look? Not great quality but lots of wide fitting shoes.

These fail because not in a shop, but perhaps these Asos Heron things are worth a look?

Budget probably up to about £80 if I get that "ahh!" feeling and it's going to be a long relationship of dancing the night away

I've not tried New Look, so that's worth a check in town, the website looks promising. It's a rather provincial city, Debenhams rather than John Lewis at the top end!

The shape of the Asos Heron could have potential. The shape of my current shoes is similar at the ankle, but I've struggled with similar toes cutting across my joints before, and my toes don't always make it out of the end of an open shoe- that's down to the individual cut on the shoe. If it's shaped around the foot, it tends to be better than a square cut over it if that makes sense.

Thanks for the suggestions so far!

Really tricky. I'm at the other end of the size problem as I'm size 42, and my arches aren't specially high, but I do have bunions and sympathise very much with the straps in the wrong place and too many toes issue. I have to say that studying the Herons more closely, they look as if the straps are a bit close to the toes, likely to lead to a neatly removed area of skin by the toe base joints.

It sounds as if you can wear heels? I just gave up on heels a few years ago. I got something cheap and cheerful from Debenhams at the last minute that look a bit like these and to my immense surprise, i can actually walk into town in them and spend an hour or two without any major wounds, though from habit I do tend to take another pair to change into later.

A week is rather short notice but if you can manage with your existing shoes this weekend then I'd recommend you look for a dance shop to get a good replacement. Some dance shoe brands do wide fittings and the size range for adult shoes usually starts at 2 (34).

I can wear heels up to about 2 inches. Useful at 5ft 2. I just don't have long enough feet to go higher!

Thicker heels seem to be back in. Reminds me of my youth in the 90s when I had more patience for ripping my feet apart! I'm fussy, because by the time something is scaled down to my size, the straps and heels etc can look heavier and clumpier than they would on a longer, slimmer foot.

There is a dance shop in town so that's a possibility.

I'm definitely feeling more inspired than after my first browse last night

So this was the outcome of my shopping trip last week. Quite similar to the pair that they're replacing apart from the cross over which worked well.

And I had an excellent dance in them. I took them off in the later stages of the evening which I can't grumble about too much, especially when the night started with a half mile walk to my friends.

Thanks for the help, New Look wouldn't have occured to me otherwise.