come and snigger with me at what Eve magazine thinks new mums should wear

[Cappuccino]

okay the fun starts with:

'A super-stylish maternity leave' - after the birth buy 'an oh-so-soft tracksuit in velour or cashmere (go on - it's an investment buy'

okay so when can a velour tracksuit ever be right?

and how is buying a piece of clothing in a size you hope you'll never be again an 'investment'

it goes on

'wear your jeans with a 'wow' top that you can dress down with a vest underneath'

and there is a picture of a woman in a white top costing £95 for her baby to puke down

doesn't look particularly washable either

by the second page we are wesring the most hideous dress imaginable in a vile print because it 'hides a multitude of sins' (?!) and then we see a lovely woman in her trenchcoat and Mulberry bag which doesn't look a) like it is holding any nappies or b) like it is going to be looped over the handle of any pushchair anytime soon as she doesn't have one with her

oh and as if we hadn't thought of this, in the summer we should 'wear a sundress'

and buy waterproof mascara for the 'baby blues'

[JackieNo]

Now there's a thought. Might be, mightn't it.

This must be the book.

[MrsJohnCusack]

a book

FFS

[JackieNo]

Shall I buy it for you when the baby's born, MrsJC.

[MrsJohnCusack]

well if she does post on here then I want her to know she deserves a smacked bottom quite frankly

cashmere tracksuit my arse

[cupcakes]

her book

I saw her in easy Living the other month giving other helpful advice on childrearing. Will look for it.

[Cappuccino]

the one she is wearing costs £300 altogether MrsCusack

surely John could spring for one of those?

[Bugsy2]

LOL, a super sylish maternity leave! I never thought it was possible to combine all those words in the same sentence!
As far as I remember there was nothing remotely stylish about sweating like a pig, bleeding like the mortally wounded, having ouzing breasts, falling out hair & the biggest darkest bags under my eyes.

[filthymindedvixen]

ah well, see, this all makes perfect sense to me. The baby's got colic and has cried solidly for a fortnight so the neighbours have reported you to SS , the house is a shithole, you can't even remember what your make-up bag looks like, let along whether you've got any waterprof mascara; your dh is sitting in a corner in a bouncy chair with his thumb in his mouth in SHOCK; your fango feels like Dr Frankenstein's been experimenting again, but all of this will magically be cured because you have a book which tells you how to buy a cashmere dummy cover. FFS.

[taylormama]

this woman can't have children???????!!!!!!!!

[PinkTulips]

ack... that other book amazon recommend you buy 'how to baby proof your marriage', the writer was on the radio with gerry ryan the other day and had me in a spitting rage.

she spent an hour going on about how the poor husband gets neglegted in favour of the baby and it's so unfair, blah-di-blah. basically on about how mothers are neurotic possesive freaks who need to show their husbands more love than the baby

and her top tip was for mom to head off for a weekend and leave baby with dad as soon as possible so they could bond and dad could prove he could cope......... not paticularly helpful if you're breastfeeding

[taylormama]

i thought that breastpads and a dressing gown was what all the stylish mums were wearing this season ... how wrong was i ...

[cupcakes]

she is in a diet special with a picture of her looking tres boho feeding croissants and strawberries to Isabella Rose, 5, and Gabriel, 3.

I noticed it because in the background they have the same B&Q playhouse as us.

She has organic green tea with aloe vera first thing every morning.

[MrsJohnCusack]

am also sniggering at the 'other customers who bought this bought these' list on Amazon (and also the fact that Jools Oliver is quoted on the cover of the book).
Baby-proofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows by Stacie Cockrell
Trinny & Susannah: The Survival Guide - A Woman's Secret Weapon for Getting Through the Year by Trinny Woodall
The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy by Fiona Neill
Shopaholic and Baby by Sophie Kinsella
Yummy Mummy's Ultimate Family Survival Guide by Liz Fraser
Time Management for Manic Mums by Allison Mitchell

here's a hint - read Mumsnet for FREE rather than reading this shite and contributing to some other mother's coffers. oooooh it does make me cross (although I do love Trinny &Suze)

£300, what an utter bargain.

[MrsJohnCusack]

oh really PinkTulips?
doesn't suprise me

[ScottishMummy]

AWWWWW

i remember opening the front door to the postie - he took one look at manky me, my deranged youjustfeckinwokethebaby puffy face and spluttered a gasped ooo sorry AND THE POOR MAN PRACTICALLY RAN - even now he still looks tiimidly at me

and the LEAKYBOOBS in t shirt look

[Bugsy2]

The tradgedy is though, that before I had my first baby, I would have completely bought into all that crap. I really did think that you could be a super stylish new mum.
There was no Mumsnet in those days. Sniff!
I remember choosing my "coming home" outfit with such care before I went into labour.
Not realising that I wouldn't give a Castemaine thingy what not what the hell I was wearing because I'd be too busy trying to perch on one buttock in the back of the car so as not to wrench my too tight stitches, while wondering why DS was screaming his head off.

[Cappuccino]

however damn stylish you are no-one gives you a second look behind a pushchair

which is probably why there is no buggy in sight throughout the article

[maisym]

wot - no article about living in France selling french linens to boutiques in small uk towns, wondering around markets for veg & bread and living in a huge country house? All with small kids of course...

[JackieNo]

Ah yes, the old pushchair 'cloak of invisibility' - but actually when you're feeling like sh*t it can be quite welcome (or is that just me?)

[maisym]

the pushchair with the bunch of flowers in the basket of course!

[WideWebWitch]

lol at maisym and at the other books Amazon customers bought, they're in for a big shock then all the new mums reading this crap.

[Cappuccino]

maisym I take it you're a regular reader

I got it bought for a subscription and it never fails to irritate me

[Anchovy]

Oh you lot, living in your pyjamas, what are you like?

(I took a lateral approach and just slept in my clothes!)

[Enid]

ooh good can we bitch about Eve

I used to like it but I read one particular issue before christmas and it made me so cross I have never bought it since

Easy Living all the way

[cupcakes]

I read the Liz Fraser one when pg recently and actually enjoyed it..