Old before my time

[Thelovecats]

I'm 32. Have 3 young kids and so I do look tired. Honestly though I probably look about 40, and feel very frumpy.
How can I stop the frump and feel my age again?

Try and put your self first sometimes which can be hard but important. e.g. Make some time for you to put make up on in the morning,
wash and blow dry hair the night before.
Have you had a good hair cut/colour recently? This makes a huge difference.
Put out nice clothes the day before so you don't just wear the same old things!
Are you eating healthily? Good food can give you energy and help you lost weight.
sleep more if possible.
This is all so obvious but you don't post much information.

I'm not overweight, but at the upper end of the healthy weight range so could be improved. Quite pear shaped so it doesn't lend itself to current fashions. Tend to just chuck on jeans and t shirt/shirt. Don't like my legs so never get them out.

I do get my hair done regularly but it's in a bob basically so it's not exactly youthful. When it was longer though I always tied it up.

Just about getting reasonable sleep these days, but still not enough!

How old are your DC's? I felt like I looked awful after youngest DC was born, we knew that we weren't having anymore so I ditched all of the maternity clothes fairly soon which made me feel better.

I did a Marie Kondo on my wardrobe and started buying clothes without the DC's with me so that I could concentrate, I have a few friends who dress well and if I shop with them I don't come home with things that look too old.

I also bought new underwear and found a new hairdresser by stopping a lady in the street who had amazing hair, my mum bob was made more interesting (pintrest for inspiration).

My skin looked awful so I changed my diet and cut out refined sugar (among other things) and my skin now looks much clearer.

I am place marking. I have a one abd two year old. Mid house renovation and work full time.

My mother kindly told me I had aged

So I am starting to drink more water. Take vitamins. Go back to more fashionable clothes. Use the creams I have but never bother with.

Change your hairstyle.
I would change the colour, or do a gradual bob?

I have stopped wearing leggings and started to wear jeans more and dress.

Are you on Facebook? There's a brilliant group called Mrs gloss & the Goss and they're all lovely so you could join and they'll help you

I'd grow the bob to a slightly longer bob. What sort of texture is your hair? I have a long bob and have beachy waves in it - takes 10 mins with the straighteners/curling wand and lasts a couple of days, top knot on third day and wash that evening. Google Jenna Dewan Tatum for hair inspiration.

Seriously tons of water and veggies makes a world of difference. I'm guessing you probably get enough exercise running round after the kids.

Have a look at ASOS, New Look, Boohoo etc for wearable fashion - you don't have to go all crop tops etc but getting a few items that are current to mix with classic basics would update your wardrobe. IE cold shoulder or Bardot tops with skinny jeans, denim midi pencil skirt with Breton top, girlfriend jeans with a plain vest and white shirt. Nothing overly patterned as I tend to find florals etc quite frumpy.

You are all lovely. Will come back later when my kids aren't beating each other up!

I'm more than a decade older than you and I was way frumpier when I had v young kids. Forty year olds have no excuse not to look fabulous imo!!! They're so lucky to be only forty!

What colour suits you lovecats ??

That is a really easy start imo.

barefoot the youngest is 13 months, and we're not having any more so def time for s reinvention!
notanotherbath I will join that group, thanks
jamie I think you are right about growing the bob out a bit. It's a fairly short graduated bob at the moment and I've had the style a while. Like your suggestions of updating wardrobe with a few fashionable bits.

i8sum I agree I know lots of glam 40 year olds, and having young kids is definitely an easy route to frumpsville! I really don't suit khaki, yellow, grey or black really, look much better in blues, rose pink, sea green type colours. Those can be frumpy colours though I think.

I think it can be hard to get the right cut/style in the colours that suit you but I don't think any colours are just full stop frumpy, although I would feel frumpy in pastel colours tbh.

You sound like me, looking back the best years of your life and I was wearing country casuals I kid you not!
I honestly would get hold of the style magazines aimed at 20 year olds with no money and be glad you can afford it and go buy those clothes. Copy their hair and make up and make hay whilst the sunshines. And do date night, make sure he takes you somewhere worth getting dressed up for !

I would think about getting colours analysis done. Wearing colours that don't suit can be very ageing. Getting it right can really boost your confidence.

Reading this thread with interest as in similar boat.

I just a little older than you but was in the very same place with 3 DC.
These may not apply to you but transformed myself by:

• Binned the leggings and keep trackie bottoms strictly for exercising. Haven't worn or had a pair in the house since shortly after DS was born.

I'll never wear elasticated anything again, I find that I don't can't keep an eye on my weight that way. Now, everything is fitted and flattering.

• Pay attention to your accessories; earrings, a necklace etc. I like a nice rosegold watch. Nails are important too. Things are like, the small things, make such a difference in making you look and feel groomed.

• Hair cut and highlighted.

I get my eyebrows shaped and tinted once a month, it makes such a difference to your face.

Look at what other women your age are wearing (eg Holly Willoghby) 😊

Adapt a new skincare routine.

Buy new mark up. Get a lesson at a beauty counter for special occasions

Invest in a good Winter coat

I'll try and think of more!

I thought I would pitch in, lots of good advice here already but what is your skincare like OP? What products do you use? Do you wear makeup?

More fantastic suggestions.
I do need to make a regular appt for eyebrows I agree.
I should buy fashion mags, I only read home ones at the moment!
My skin is ok, pores a bit too visible for my liking. I wear a little bit of makeup, but only what I can chuck on in 3 minutes in the morning! I need to be better at taking it off at night, but I often fall into bed without bothering I us superdrug hot cloth cleanser, but only because I haven't had the time or inclination to seek anything else out. Haven't got that much spare money to spend on expensive products.

Superdrug have some great skincare products, so you're on the right track there! I think you've got a really great attitude towards this so I don't think it will be long until you are feeling more like the you that you want to be. I'd start incorporating a few of these ideas every week - ie Week One is drinking more water and eating more veggies plus a couple of hours of fashion browsing/magazine reading. Week Two is continuing Week One's task plus sorting out nails in front of the TV. Week Three is W 1&2 plus skincare etc. These things very quickly add up and become your new normal.

I'd also say don't feel bad about taking time for yourself. If that means DH/DP/family/childcare watching the kids for a couple of extra hours a week, then that's what it takes. Don't underestimate the importance of being thelovecats rather than always Mummy!

Skincare wise, the hot cloth cleanser is great for removing makeup with a flannel/Muslin cloth. Just get another cleanser that is suitable for your skin - just not a foaming one as it dries out skin. I'm a big fan of the new acid toners. They sound scary but they are very good for your skin. Nip and Fab do good value glycolic pads that you just wipe over your skin. Then a moisturiser. I have dry skin so use either Nivea daily moisturiser or Origins as a bit of a treat.

Takes 5 mins max. I normally do mine in an advert break on TV earlier in the evening.

Op, I use a tinted moisturiser (unless I'm going out out)

Sorry my last reply was so blunt. I would grow your hair a little and get it cut into a gradual Bob so still easy but looks more younger. (I had my long hair cut into a blonde bob this year)

I swear by getting my eye brows threaded and getting legs ect waxed every 4 weeks.

And having my nails painted, which I do myself.

I bought a couple of fashion mags, and I feel no wiser than before! I'm a SAHM who lives in the country. I need to look at some blogs I think, to see how trends can be translated into real things that people actually wear
Want my hair to grow a bit now- already impatient LOL!
jamie thanks for the advice on skincare- will check out the glycolic pads. You also hit the nail on the head about needing to feel like myself sometimes

Pintrest is good for ideas, either put in the name of a celebrity who dresses in a way that you like or 'jeans outfits' then go shopping and try and copy. what you've seen.

My youngest is a little bit older than your youngest but I am still seem to be on the floor a lot with him a lot so I need hard wearing jeans that keep their shape, Gap seem to be quite good for this and I go from there with outfits. I try and pick boots and shoes that will stand being trodden on as I have had the toes on some of my shoes completely flattened and ruined before, I'm not sure how they do it but my DC's seem to manage!

For tops I used to look for piratical and hard wearing but now I go for cheaper and fun as either way they often end up getting worn quite hard and tugged on so may as well be wearing something fun that I actually like. Top shop, new look, Zara and TK Maxx have been good in the past. I quite often wear a cami/vest underneath to save flashing my boobs when carrying toddlers about.

I also have a few 'off duty' clothes that I save for when I am out without the DC's, things that I don't want to get food on etc.

Yes to pp who suggested a winder coat, I have a long one that looks great, it has saved me on several occasions when I have run out of decent clothes and have needed to pop out, no one needs to know what I have on underneath!

I was going to suggest Pinterest too. Although I do buy mags (for the freebies), I totally ignore the fashion in them or an very selective. Fashion mags are there to try and sell the latest trends and although I do like some trends (hello Victorian shirts) others are just odd imho (looking at you block heels!).
Pinterest is great and as the above poster states you can either search by someone whose style you like (for me Jeanne Damas) or try and use items you already have and go from there (black jeans).
Just pin away and you might then notice that you are pinning similar looks. I then create a board (5 best Autumn/Winter) outfits and pick 5 outfits and copy them.
Also I would have a think about getting your colours done. It is expensive and I personally think don't think it is needed. If you look at women who are style icons Emmanuelle Alt, Kate Moss, Alexa Chung, Sienna Miller, Charlotte Gainsborough, Jeanne Damas, Isobel Marant - I very much doubt any of these women have had their colours done.

I did actually have my colours done a while ago as a colleague was training to become of colour consultant and was looking for people to practice with. I am a deep summer, which I can totally see is right. I already knew though the colours which didn't suit me, and I found sticking to the rules a bit restrictive.

The best bit of advice I was given was "think about what works for your lifestyle". Back when I was working a corporate job, I was very much living in pencil skirts, print blouses, cigarette trousers etc. Now I work from home and study, I live in jeans, chinos, shirt dresses and loungewear.

Go through your wardrobe and pull out the clothes that you find yourself turning to - ie skinny jeans and then maybe we can help come up with similar but alternative items. For example, I have 2 pairs of skinny jeans but also have 2 pairs of chinos, one denim midi pencil skirt and one pair of jodhpur leggings which I would wear the same way and with the same things as skinny jeans.

Then look at your tops - are they just plain tshirts? If so, look for tops that are slightly different ie cold shoulder, Bardot. I've just bought a gorgeous tshirt from ASOS that has a lace cut out which makes it slightly more modern than just a standard black cotton tshirt.

I do find A/W is a lot easier to dress for. Just need a couple of nice jumper dresses over tights, decent coat and boots that go with everything. Summer catches a lot of people out. I agree with barefoot that Gap is a good go to place for good, modern basics and they often do outfits which would really suit your lifestyle - ie chinos with vest top and slouchy shirt.

When I felt like this the thing that made the most difference was when I realised my skin was actually quite dehydrated and used heavier moisturiser which reduced fine lines, drank more water etc.

I did also go through my clothes and get rid of the more frumpy clothes and styled with some better accessories that were easy and mix and match.