Help me feel glamorous and learn to spend money on myself

[LollyMcLolface]

I am nearly 30, a SAHM to a baby and never feel relaxed or glamorous anymore. Two separate issues I know! Family and DP have asked what I would like for my birthday and this year what I really want is just to feel like there is more to me than being a mum. DD won't go to anyone without screaming the entire time DP and I are gone so regrettably there is no chance of the classic mumsnet spa day or even a romantic meal as a treat. I need some escapism and glamour!

My issue is I never spend money on myself now we have other priorities and so I get flustered every birthday and Christmas because I suddenly get say £150 and it feels like this huge pressure to spend it only on something I love, and I can never commit to buying anything so the money just disappears. I have said to DP in the past that as clichéd as it might sound; the kind of thing I would really love is elegant jewellery, posh silky lingerie or nightwear, nice lotions and potions and make-up. I am an ad man's dream. I would like gifts that make me feel less like myself and more like a young Sophia Loren.

Where do I go (or recommend others to go) to find these things? Which brands or products are going to make me feel like I have had a bit of luxury? And how do I start a collection of sophisticated, elegant jewellery/accessories that isn't going to break the bank?

I love vintage jewellery. On one occasion I decided (while waiting on late friends in town) to visit a shop (Rhinestones on Andrew St for any Dubs out there) and dive into the beautiful jewellery. With £150 you could indulge Lolly.

You could def get a silver necklace/ring from Tiffany for about £150. I've got a couple of things from there and I love them and wear them a lot as they aren't too dressy.

A perfume :) I use Coco.
Haircuts.
Really nice facecream.

I've just decided I will spend some effort on making myself feel good looking in the mirror. But I want it to be fun not chore. I've brought the balm make up which is good quality but fun.

I also went and got a good hair cut.

Hair looks OK I think. Jewellery wise I do like vintage looking jewellery but I think I can look frumpy sometimes so I would like something fairly sophisticated but not aging.

I was exactly the same as you, didn't know where to even start feeling like a person again! If you're in a rut like I was I'd recommend nothing drastic with hair (I had waist length to a bob and regretted it until it grew past my shoulders!) and go on Pinterest and see what kind of wardrobe you'd like for yourself and make a list. I've managed to overhaul mine and it makes a huge difference having a little list of what you'd like when it comes to birthdays and Christmas. With make up and lotions and potions I'd really recommend picking a beauty box, it's my treat each month, dh got me a years subscription to Glossybox which I really like but I've signed up to look incredible and I'm so happy getting my first box this morning!! It's got full sized NARS, bare minerals, benefit, ooh facial oil and a big fusion primer for £21. It's so lovely having new things to try and I find I make the time for me this way. Plus I would never have gone and spent £90 on them!

Thanks, I will look into the boxes! I am definitely in a style rut. In my early twenties when I was considerably slimmer I wore fifties style dresses all the time and it suited me so I felt good. A few years and a few stone later I wore stretchy pencil skirts and pussybow blouses etc and again, it worked. Now I am in between the two weights but I am older and have a baby and no longer work in an office so I need a more casual look. I just look frumpy and matronly in everything now so having spent my 20s dressing in somewhat of an older style, I'm now wearing trainers with most things having not owned any for years and years. I like jewellery that looks glamorous and sparkly, the sort of thing you see in old Hollywood movies. But now I think perhaps that's aging! And doesn't help me look like a cool young mum who is also elegant and effortlessly stylish . Unfortunately a more androgynous style looks great on skinny chic Parisians but I am not one. Hence I am just wearing the same stuff as ever and never spend money.

I don't know where you live but if you are near a John Lewis you could use their personal shopper service. There is no charge and the ones I have been to have been very good for getting me out of my style ruts and into clothes I would never have dreamed would suit me. If you gave us an idea of a shopping town convenient to you I am sure other people could make similar recommendations.

Style ruts aren't that hard to come out of, well I say that but it's time and work. I went through my twenties a size 8 wearing dresses and make up, my hair was always styled and I spent decent time on my appearance and looking after myself, I hit 27 and had my first baby, second soon followed and a size heavier at 31 I'd found I lost myself a lot.

I went on Pinterest and found I liked the versatility of skinny jeans paired with sneakers or knee boots, rolled up with Chelsea boots and paired them with tops I could easily layer, picked a colour scheme (I sound old and boring haha) and looked for different ways to add to it to create a capsule wardrobe that worked around me running everywhere with the kids and dressing for events or dates with dh. I think so much changes with kids, my style is definitely 'mum' but a few more glam bits and it suits. I wouldn't worry about your tastes not being in style, the best thing you can do is dress to what suits you, find a style that makes you feel good and confident (dresses wrestling two littles in and out of the car wasn't for me!) and go with it. Use colours that mostly match so getting dressed is easy. It took me a while to work out but happy, confident mum really is happy, confident house, you need to spend the time on you too!

I live near a major city so I imagine most shops will be covered! There is a John Lewis and a House of Fraser.

Oliver Bonas so lovely reasonably priced jewellery. Some costume and some sterling silver or gold plated.

Ooh yes, that's a shop I like!

Nail varnish
Lip gloss
Mascara.
Vintage dresses. They have a sale on at Lindy Bop.

How about perfume? It can instantly make you feel glamorous; it's quick to slap on and (provided it's on a high shelf and unless there are allergies?) it's baby proof. But you have to wear it every day - don't save it.

And while I'm here, I have to disagree about glamour being aging. Age is aging. A small baby and no sleep can be temporarily aging (but this is reversible). Glamour is stylish and distinctive and eternal. It's also harder to achieve with a baby but are there short cuts: Tube skirts instead of pencil skirts for ease of movement and washability; high waisted jeans - kind to tummies; a turban or bandanna for bad hair days; lots of lipstick. It's a long time since my son was a baby so some of that may be bollocks but I think it would be a real shame to try and reinvent yourself as some kind of indentikit 'cool mum' if that's not really you and when you have a much more interesting style of your own.

And sorry - someone's already suggested perfume. Must stop skim reading.