Forty this year, feel horrid

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I am not coping well with the impending doom, I mean birthday. I don't feel good about it at all. Suddenly I just feel so frumpy and I look terrible, haggard. It seems to have happened overnight. I've always felt ok about my face but now I can't stand it.

I've been unwell these last three years and it has obviously taken it's toll. However I do not smoke, drink or eat junk food. Still I look rough. I use a moisturiser morning and night, SPF 15 in the day one, but that's about it. I do yoga most days but that's all the exercise my body will let me do without a flair up. I used to be very active so it's hard because although I am not over weight I have a nasty belly that I can't shift because I am not able to be active enough. I no longer feel comfortable in my own skin.

What can I do? I look old, I feel rubbish.

When I'm feeling like that I like to treat myself to a spa day.
Get a couple of treatments and get pampered.
Treat yourself to a new hair cut or colour.
Anything that makes you feel good.

What feature would you like to emphasise? I have awful legs (shape ok below the knee, but white and veiny) so I show off my boobs- detracting from leg issue.

If you are looking tired have you thought about looking at your foundation or other make up you use? I found a highlighter cream helped to brighten up my face and faked a bit of cheek structure.

The other thing to look at is your hair colour. If you colour it, does that need updating as the skin colour and eye colour change as we get older. If you don't colour your hair, is that something you could look at?

I hated the idea of being 40- but now I'm there I've updated my image a bit and I feel better about myself. I also do yoga and find it useful.

I don't actually wear make up so maybe it's time I did. I could go get some advice on something simple to try and make my face look a little less zombie like.

Sorry you're feeling so low. I second a good haircut. I also gave up wearing black at 40 and it was like a new lease of life, style wise.

I too am 40 this year, started early menopause last year (before l had finished my family) which was awful and thisyear have got bunions appearing so l totally feel your pain hun. Not nice is it? But on the good side, l have one beautiful daughter and l don't need glasses....yet!! Think of your good points l am sure you have lots there is nothing a bit of make up can't solve

Ah sorry to hear that, I also have a bunion. Being Unwell and not in control of my body has really knocked my confidence. I used to have a decent figure at least. My hair is very difficult, thick and curly. I don't get it cut often because most people don't do it well, I have a hairdresser about three hours away that I go to here and there. Definitely going to try and get some foundation at least.

Ah, we all feel like that sometimes. And as you get older I find it just takes more effort to keep looking the same.

If you don't wear make up then start wearing a tinted moisturiser or BB cream and mascara at least, plus maybe something for the eyebrows as they make a massive different. Go to a posh hairdressers and get a trendy cut. If you can afford it get some microdermabrasion sessions. Plus go and buy yourself some totally frivolous piece of clothing that will just make you smile (like some nice shoes or bright bag).

It's the unwellness and loss of control that's making you feel rotten. Don't blame 40 - we should count ourselves fortunate to have got there.

But yes, one can go through a stage of not quite knowing oneself - nothing fits, everything looks rubbish. You will not always feel like this! Someone seriously ancient (I forget their name) has concluded that the best age is around 68 - so you have a long way to go.

I agree with everything above (except the spa day). In addition, resolve to choose the simplest decent option in any situation. Don't allow others to demand too much of you. Eat avocados.

...seriously ancient....at 68...!
Oh dear, I'm 63 and clearly should consider myself decrepit then?
😥
I certainly don't consider 68 ancient, even my DS in their 90's don't!

Ah. I must have written that badly. The seriously ancient person was over 90 and looking back! Asked what they considered the best age - they replied 68 (or thereabouts). And they sounded pretty pleased with 90 odd too.

From the mid-50s it gives one something to look forward to.

Oops! I think I misread, sorry Gruach 😟

I'm sure that I feel more comfortable in my skin now than I've ever felt before. I've recently retired and although I have very little to live on mentally I'm in the best place ever, long may it last!

Age is irrelevant, it's how you feel and whether you can do what you want to do I think.

I too have thick, unruly curly hair . Having keratin straightening every few mo ths really helps . I have been spending £££ at the hairdressers but DD1 has found a product on ebay that does the same thing at a fraction of the price.

Sorry you are feeling like this. As you get older it does take more work to retain that youthful look. Obvious and boring things are good diet, exercise more water bla bla. Also, wearing the colours that suit you ( usually not black ) can help you look more youthful as black can be very draining.

Curly hair in particular needs extra help to look good. There's been tons of threads on here about dealing with curly hair ( going SLS free, no poo methods etc, maybe with searching them? )

Also try going to Dept stores and getting them to do your make up to see what works for you? Think MAC or Bobbi Brown can be good?

The good thing is that there is actually a lot of things we can try these days to make us look and feel better, think it's just a question of trial and error to find what works for us.

Hope you get lots more great suggestions on here, S&B is a wonderful place, don't feel downhearted OP!! 😀😀

Just want to add I'm 51 now and my 40s were my best decade ever!

Mainly because I felt confident in myself and stopped caring so much about what other people thought of me. It's the best decade ever!!!

My life got better and better from forty onwards once you give up on youth, being young, looking young and feeling young you can just enjoy where you are. I love being in my fifties I look back on my thirty something self and wouldn't go back there for the world.

Late 40s here and I agree with all the above, apart from the Spa Day.

Drink loads of water - boring, but makes a difference to tired skin.
Get plenty of rest.
Microdermabrasion is great if you can afford it. Boot's Botanics do a microdermabrasion scrub which is lovely and lasts ages.
If you are not used to wearing make-up, start with a BB cream or similar. I like Bourjois Luminous Serum Primer or Garnier Perfect Blur which just take the edge of tired skin when I don't want to wear foundation.
Rimmel Volume Colourist is a mascara with gradual tint - I haven't noticed any tinting, but I do like it as an everyday mascara that doesn't flake or smudge.
Have your eyebrows threaded.
I think Imedeen has made a real difference to my skin but it's pricy.

I'm 40 this year too. I feel grateful to be in good health but am 40% grey, wear specs and do feel I'm starting to age having always looked younger than my age.
I think you have to work at it more:
Regular hair cut and colour
Good skin care routine. Currently using Nip and Fab products which I like
A little make up each day
Eat less move more. I run, do kettlercise and yoga
Wear what suits rather than what's in fashion
Navy is more flattering than black