Here I am clearing out my wardrobe again. I just pulled out my biker jacket after it’s latest several year hibernation and am reminiscing about my almost but not quite, and let’s face it mainly aspirational rock chick days in the 90s. Since then, this is a jacket, or at least it’s aspirational offspring (that upped a size as I had babies and the earlier jacket disintegrated with use), that used to come out every so often for a while and retreated every so often. But I’m beginning to wonder if it needs to remain in the wardrobe or in a memory box. I’m in my mid 40s now, greying all over, and thinking I could do with losing a stone, probably more. I love socialising, I love food and drink and I have no will power. But I can do it, I have done it before. And besides I could do with getting a bit fitter too. Perhaps I should consider colouring my rapidly greying, wiry hair, or going back to highlights. I gave up on my hair after my youngest a couple of years ago. It is just so much faff, and I resent spending so much time and money on stupid hair that just grows back. BUT even if I did all of that I don’t think I can carry this lovely little jacket off any more.
I am not glossy, tall or sinewy and nor will I ever be considered “fit”. In a line up I would be more Miriam Margolyes than Kate Moss. (I think both of these epic women are extremely cool, so no shouting at me. Although for the record, Margolyes is obviously cooler.) Then I wondered. If I shed the stone, and maybe the extra bit, and got the hair colour, could I just about carry this leather jacket off? I know it’s impossible for you guys to say without seeing a picture and that is SO not going to happen. I love the feel of this jacket, the reassurance of it and how it reminds me of me. But when i look in the mirror I think I look kind of ridiculous in it now.
Buuuut I don’t see why I should stop dressing as I used to because I have quite noticeably aged over the last 5-10 years. I tried doing a search for threads here on Mumsnet, but it was all “I’m in my 50s but look barely over 35, because of my great genes and because i work out and drink kale.” and all that jazz.There don’t seem to be many saying, like me, that I look older for my age, and will look my age no matter how many workouts or green juices I drink, but I still want to dress as I always have but not look like an idiot. In my case there is a lot of genetics to blame, all my forebears wrinkled and greyed early and profusely. But it seemed to matter less in those times. In photos all the women seemed to be wearing a pinny around their generous waist. The photos look like me. Short, frizzy, a little plump. Happy. But in an apron.