Mixed race curly hair, help

[Thed0gs]

Hi, I've had decades of battling my curly hair (resulting in relaxing for 10 years). I've been natural now for at least five but just cannot find products or a hairdresser that can deal with my hair!! It needs lots of moisture and no product seems to even touch it (although it's much better than it used to be). It also gets so knotty and tangled within hours. I'd like to keep it long too.

Please help!!

You are probably like me with different textures of hair, my crown has thicker coarser hair and I have to split this into much smaller curls to define and use more conditioner than for the front looser hair. Also the last section you do might need re -wetting during the combing phase, as it takes so long to detangle some areas start to dry out before you've got to them, then don't define so well. Hope you can get it to work!

The answer bank on the website www.tightlycurly.com/answerbank/
has loads of helpful responses to troubleshoot this technique!

I'm ok with silicones and wind/rain .
I plait up or wear a bun and use a silky pillowcase to sleep
Try never to sleep on it wet. If I do need to wash it before bed I'll plait it after combing in conditioner then re-wet and do the defining step in morning .
No gel, hairspray or mousse
If I add coconut oil/olive oil my curls don't stay defined for as long, but I sometimes do this if hair feels a bit dry . Or better still I'll use the oils as a hot oil treatment and wash out.
No tongs or straighteners.
Hair dryer only in emergencies- event to go to, hair isn't dry enough yet to do the plait-to -uncrunch step, if I plait it wet all curl definition will be lost
I don't worry about defining it perfectly every time .Just knowing I can make it look extra nice when I need to by spending a little longer defining the curls is enough for me. After years of needing to take hours with the tongs to get ready, and my hair looking a mess few hours later this method is pure relief!

Thanks maygirl I'll have a look...perhaps it was already too dry then. Yes I have found I have different textures/curls; my underneath hair is so much nicer than the top which dries out/fluffs easily

Me too. The hair at the nape of my neck is the nicest and is usually hidden under the rest

I have fairly straight hair but had to do a lot of reading when DD's hair got longer, as she's got loose curls. She's 3.7. I wash her hair a lot less than most kids have their hair washed. It's nearly waist length, shiny & thick, & is kept braided most of the time. As a reault her hair is a lot straighter, except just after a wash. And yes, it looks (and feels) clean, she gets compliments on it very frequently. She is bathed often but mostly I keep her hair dry, or just wet it to revive the curls & keep her accustomed to having it wetted down in the bath. She fimds hair washing the worst part of baths, so I'm not going to fight her every day over something she doesn't need.

Your hair sounds like my DD's (who is only 7!) hair. She has tighter, more defined curls underneath and fluffier, drier curls on top.

How is your hair cut? I find with my DD that she needs to have a slight layer cut into her hair to make it all look the same length when dry, as the underneath springs up more than the top of her hair when it dries, iyswim.

Some of the things that work for us (but we have found so much out of 'trial and error' and what other people have recommended hasn't always worked for us):

Wash once a week with a mild shampoo.
(We tried the curly girl method and it just age her a greasy, flaky scalp - almost like cradle cap. Also, have tried no-silicone/no-sulphate products and found absolutely no difference at all to her hair, so now just use a supermarket own brand baby shampoo).

Absolutely SOAK with conditioner. Have tried dozens of different types - Afro hair products, Mixed Chicks etc, sulphate and paraben free, totally natural - but have settled on the pink Herbal Essences, which is cheap, full of shit , but seems to work.

Rinse and then gentle squeeze out as much water as possible (NO towel drying, although I do have a towelling wrap I gently wrap around her hair to stop her clothes getting soaked when she dresses after her shower).

Comb through with a tangle teser and/or wide tooth comb when still wet. if it starts to dry, I spray with a water bottle.

If putting up after that, I put coconut oil in her hair. If wearing down, I rub through a generous blob of serum to separate her curls and then allow to hair dry. It helps if she tips her head upside down a couple of times during the drying process and lets me separate the curls again with my fingers, if time allows.

At night I tie a silk scarf around her hair and/or she sleeps with a silk pillowcase which really reduced frizz.

During the week, if she needs her hair re-styled, I wet it and condition it ad repeat all the other steps (but no shampoo).

Good luck! I'm amazed that with so many mixed race people around (at least in London, where I am) there isn't more expertise in mixed race hair care among hairdressers. DD has had complete bodge jobs at both European and Afro hair salons - nobody seems to understand her hair!

Mm but i reckon too many different varieties.... No one size fits all?

Yes 2016candles, it does sound exactly like your daughter! I am in need of a cut but was at a loss as to where to go as last time the hairdresser insisted on straightening it to cut. I'm going to try one of the Birmingham salons suggested earlier in the thread....

I'm going to try one of the methods again and persevere now I know a bit more.

Just out of interest, what day to day care do you do for your daughter's hair? Do you do any de tangling??

Yes Jeffy, there is so much variation with curls, but I think there is with European hair too?

Haircuts are the scary bit, arent they? . I trim DD's hair myself at the moment, as haven't found a salon that I feel confident with...but I live in hope .

Day to day care depends on what we are doing with it. She mainly wears it up in pigtails or braids, but they dont last long like they would in afro hair - maybe 2-3 days max. I spritz with water mixed with conditioner and sometimes smooth some coconut oil over the braids.

If she is wearing it down, it needs re-doing every day. It doesn't take to being combed or brushed when wet at all (it feels like her hair is tearing when you brush it) so it needs to be thoroughly wet, conditioned and air-dried each day she wears it down (so at her age, she doesn't wear it down much!).

I should have said it doesn't take to being brushed or combed when DRY - duh!

And I still think mixed race hair care expertise is missing from salons and the professional hair industry. Yes, there are any different types of mixed hair, but its the same with other hair types.

Wow it sounds exactly like mine! I would still probably tie it back most of the time just because of my lifestyle, but would love to have the option to wear it down sometimes (but it just fluffs up within minutes).

I think the last time I wore my hair down in public was about 2 years ago
I suppose sheer force of numbers will mean more people able to cope with the different varieties of mixed hair. Perhaps I'm just pig ignorant but I feel European hair has a much narrower spectrum of difference? I think I just grew bitter and pessimistic by the frowns of the various different hairdressers I tried growing up who were either flummoxed or over-confident only to admit defeat!

DD let me detangle her hair today for the first time since before the summer - but only because she wanted me to dye it

Guess what the dye didn't wor too well but at least she knows it won't now

It's halfway down her back but will shrink up to just below her jaw as it dries - I wish there were a solution

Does she plait it once dried to stretch it back out a bit Katymac? Mine is the same, stretches to below bra strap but dry it's between chin and shoulder length depending on its mood. But I think that's kind of cool!
Bought some new conditioner to try, will report back!

I'm not mixed race but my hair sounds very like some of the hair described here. It definitely has different textures depending on where on my head it grows. I have layered it in order to make the thatch layer look the same length as the nape of neck area. I cut my own hair (with great difficulty) because I have never been happy with results from any hairdresser. I trim the two DDs' hair too. I despair of finding anyone who can deal with it.

I use the CG method and two of my DDs do too. I use diluted gel after washing with conditioner because otherwise my hair ends up looking like straw. I use Tresemme conditioner because it's the least bad of a bad bunch. There is probably some wildly expensive conditioner out there that would do the trick but I am not made of money.

She tried plaiting last night Maygirl - I'll let you know when she gets up

Mathanxiety I know what you mean about spending a lot of money on conditioners...especially when you have three curlies in your household. It would cost a fortune!

Katymac would be interesting to see how her hair is today. I plait mine too, but after half an hour of having it down, it expands to ten times the size!!!

I have A LOT of shrinkage too. Mine is way past my shoulders, but once dry it is just triangular shaped and above my shoulders

Also, has anybody watched Curly Penny's videos on YouTube? That is my dream hair! [santa]

I have just watched it OP. That's what i do with my hair in the summer but not with so much product and just wash and condition as normal. Trouble is i do have to allow plenty of time for it to dry naturally and the wrong type of weather still makes bits on the top outer layer frizz. Also to do it every single day is a bind and not always possible.

Just had a look at the videos. She has lovely hair. Mine is much more on the African side of mixed race hair, coiled curls rather than waves. And silicones are helpful in my case for weighting the hair down and giving lots of slip whilst detangling. I've tried Pantene colour protect conditioner today .It's still drying but it's looking promising, detangled my hair really easily. If only the bottle were bigger, I must have used over a third in one go !

DD's hair is nothing like hers from what I can see

It was better today but I put loads of conditioner in after trying to dye it - I think they had silicones in

It was very dry underneath where it was next to her skin, but overall better

So just a little update.... I had an appointment at Spring today and I have to say they were excellent! I'm so pleased. Have had a good cut, a few products to get me started and advice specific to my hair. I cannot recommend them more highly. Hopefully this will be the end of my curly hair woes!!

Late to the party but:
Through 7 years' trial and error with my natural, mixed race hair (very thick with tangling tendencies) I have found that tools, products, and application method all matter.

Tools:
I like the Tangle Teaser but in reality, as my hair gets longer, it tends to create single strand knots at the ends of my hair. I find a very wide toothed comb is less of a problem and easy to use.

If I am wearing a wash and go and need to dry my hair I use a diffuser. I use it on medium heat and position it before turning it on and turn it off before re-positioning it. That way I don't disturb the curls too much and there is less frizziness.

Application Method
I detangle with my rinse out conditioner or treatment in the shower, rinse out then use a cloth towel rather than a fluffy one to pat my hair so it's wet and dripping a bit but doesn't frizz up. I section it out into between 4 and 6 bunches using bulldog clips, tucking the ends under to stop them drying and frizzing out then apply products in a smoothing motion moving from roots to ends in sections a few of inches wide and not too chunky/thick.

Products:
I use the curly girl method more or less. Co-washing with conditioners that have silicone (like Aussie Moist, Herbal Essences and Organix Coconut) does not work for me, even though they're quite nice conditioners. Major itchy scalp and build up. I occasionally co-wash with a silicone free conditioner like Tresemme but it doesn't have enough slip for me and I still get itchy within a day or two. I prefer a silicone free shampoo (Keracare naturals or Giovanni) or cleansing cream like the As I Am coconut co-wash or the one by Keracare naturals.

Heavy leave in products with or without silicone (some of which are marketed as suitable for afro hair) don't work for me - certainly not as my main product. I need moisture from a water based conditioner with some slip and an oil and a bit of cream to seal it in. I tend to use the following:

Giovanni Direct leave in is great. It is silicone free and a medium/light moisturising leave in conditioner. It's not enough by itself, but if I use the LOC method (layer in this order: lotion, oil - jojoba or almond or olive then cream) I get soft defined hair that lasts some days with care. I am currently using Bee Mine cream for the last step but it's no longer available here in the UK. Try something from the "Curls" brand (from many Afro-Caribbean shops or from British Curlies website) or the Camille Rose Naturals brand (available from Zara Beauty on the Walworth Rd, London or online) you can use any rich moisturising cream for this.

I do occasionally use gel if I want lots of definition but only the Kinky Kurly one or the Eco Styler gel with olive oil (none of their others- too drying).

I still go back to the Kimmaytube leave in recipe as my hair likes that. Google it but it's Kinky Kurly Knot Today, plus Aloe Vera juice, plus a bit of light oil like almond plus a bit of castor oil. Works a treat.

Overnight I sleep on a satin pillowcase and when hair is short I wrap the front to stop my hairline getting too frizzy or when long I use the pineapple method (high loose pony tail).

Despite all this I am chronically lazy and don't have lots of time for my hair as a working mother. It's slightly longer at the moment and I cane row it and leave it for a few days, wearing a satin scarf at night; or else a high puff. I have been meaning to try two or three strand twists but can't be arsed to spend the time at the moment.

I cut it very short every few years and actually love it like that as you get a few "Halle Berry" comments (more like Eartha Kitt on a bad day when I'm stressed and tired ) and it's a real sense of freedom to have a short, chic look (a bugger if you colour it or want it looking just so all the time as you have to get it cut every 4-6 weeks). Like others I struggle to find good hair dressers who can cut my hair well, whether they are European or afro. Michael Price at Unruly (London) is good. 3Thirty in Old Street, London are also good. I have decided to give Matthew James a try. I have found that when I wear my hair short I get the best cuts (and I mean really good) from afro barbers: yes the traditional ones who finish you off with clippers or a wet razor! I have been in to the barber who cut my DSS hair with random pictures from the internet and he has done a really good version each time.

Didn't mean that to turn into a bit of a ramble!