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Original poster

Grooming at work/was I mean?

23 replies

pdxs · 14/10/2015 22:33

Vaguely s+b related... i have a new colleague at office - I'm not her boss but she's about 5 years younger and I was asked to show her the ropes

Context: our workplace is a big multinational (fairly smart workplace but people wear all sorts - gap, designer jeans, suits.. but everyone is 'polished'). She mentioned to me just about to meet 'X' (very senior colleague )... I unbidden asked her if she had a hairbrush (ie suggesting a quick tidy prior )... on grounds of making a good impression. Colleague then went to brush hair and on to meeting

I think I embarrassed her... and made myself unpopular! My own boss (and boss' boss) have made similar comments to me in past/straightened my collar and the like...and I admit I did not like it!

How to redeem myself? Apologise? Shut up about office dress code (she asked last week... told her outfits nice +v appropriate )

And outhe of curiosity. .. is this common in other offices or am I just a bimbo surrounded by more of my ilk?

OP posts:
Coastingit · 14/10/2015 22:42

Omg! You have to apologise. I can't believe you told her to brush her hair. Hilarious! I'm vain as they come but this was rude. If you were her line manager and it was in some sort of situation where it was about a broader presentation issur maybe... actually nope still inappropriate sorry!

DaimYou · 14/10/2015 22:44

OMG! I expect she was embarrassed.

Maybe if you were about to meet a very important customer a word about appearance might be appropriate, if the appearance was very poor, but for an internal meeting, no matter how important to others are she can present herself as she sees fit and pay the consequences if she gets it wrong.

I can see how inappropriate clothes might need dealing with, but brushed hair? Really?

Apologising is likely to make it worse, but really, just shut up! (You did ask)

DaimYou · 14/10/2015 22:45

XP Coast, but OMG really was my first thought and I don't use it often!

Original poster
pdxs · 14/10/2015 22:46

Oh dear... I did say sorry straight away, and said I found it really annoying when I got comments like that myself...

(Totes hanging head in shame...)

OP posts:
sinninginacorner · 14/10/2015 22:46

I think you should apologise but say what you have said here and explain your managers have done the same with you. I would be a bit put out if you had said that to me but fine if you later explained I would rather that than give a bad impression!

BumbleNova · 15/10/2015 09:31

tbh I think these things need to be said. impressions are very important and scruffy in a professional environment is never a good look. I have a junior I really need to have that conversation with, she comes in looking unwashed/ like she has slept in her clothes. really need to say something since it is harming her prospects, more senior people are talking about how much of a mess she looks. not sure how to raise it, she is lovely and I dont want to upset her. any tips?!

Greengardenpixie · 15/10/2015 09:58

Was it really that bad?
The only thing that makes it not as bad is the fact you are not her boss. She must have thought what a bitch!
I would apologise and explain.
If i was on the recieving end i would have been so offended and annoyed all rolled up!

Greengardenpixie · 15/10/2015 10:00

I would explain that you have had those comments made to you in the past and wanted to spare her. Infact, if you had said it in that way in the first place, she would maybe have taken less offence.
You could have said, i have been asked to brush my hair before..just check that you look...bla bla bla...cause its really embaressing.

Original poster
pdxs · 15/10/2015 10:03

Not my way! Passive aggressive - how well turned out X looks, what y said about someone looking smart..?

OP posts:
Original poster
pdxs · 15/10/2015 10:05

Garden pixie... that's definitely the right tack. I did start down that road straight after and (praying subject never comes up again) if does I will explain that!

OP posts:
Greengardenpixie · 15/10/2015 10:06

Oh no...You don't need to name names.
I was told once....
Its called being tactfull but getting your point across. Nothing to do with aggression.

Greengardenpixie · 15/10/2015 10:08

Oh sorry i thought you meant the passive aggressive was what i suggested to do.
Well sometimes things come out funny. Dont beat yourself up about it.
I would still explain. There might be a certain tension between you and that's not good.

Original poster
pdxs · 15/10/2015 10:11

Yes sorry green garden... your suggestion is spot on; and as we will have lots to do with each other need to smooth things out!

Bumble... lumber HR with the job!

OP posts:
cressetmama · 15/10/2015 11:17

I did once say, to my then boss, Has your iron broken?

cressetmama · 15/10/2015 11:19

In my defence, she was both unkempt and completely incompetent and I deeply resented doing her work on a secretary's pay!

stripytees · 15/10/2015 11:33

OP, it depends if her hair was unusually messy and the woman would have done it herself if she had seen herself in the mirror, or if you were asking her to change her usual look/style, if that makes sense?

A bit like the difference between someone saying "wipe off your lipstick, it's too bright" and "oh, you have lipstick on your teeth". The first one would be a horrible thing to say, the second one would be really helpful.

lurkingabit · 15/10/2015 12:05

I agree with stripeytees. Maybe it was a 'lipstick on teeth' helpful comment. It would have been far worse if her hair were so bad that her boss mentioned it to her. Yes it'sall awkward and uncomfortable but it sounds like you've already apologised and explained yourself.

WeepingInTheBushes · 15/10/2015 13:34

Rubbish. DH was told at the beginning of his career to smarten up in no uncertain terms, and he refers to the woman who told him as some one who really looked out for him.

This is the real world.

squoosh · 15/10/2015 13:40

I don't think it's a big deal. You were doing her a favour by showing her what's expected in your particular workplace.

Chippednailvarnish · 15/10/2015 13:46

I thought you were being kind actually...

dibly · 15/10/2015 14:08

Me too, I'd laugh it off as a mum habit thing

trollkonor · 15/10/2015 19:17

I was also wondering if it was properly messy or if that was her actual hairstyle and had been a little back combed etc? Or plagued like me and have frizz prone hair.

toffeeboffin · 16/10/2015 02:08

You've done her a favour.

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