I'm such a cliche....how do I get back to 'me'?

[TheGrallon]

I've just turned 35 and my children are toddlers.

In my twenties and early 30's I had a very distinct style - jet black dyed hair, flicky eyeliner, tea dresses, clumpy shoes etc.

I've put on weight after the children, though I have always been plus sized, and swapped my dresses for jeans so I can bend down and chase infants without being arrested.

My dresses don't even suit me anymore anyway as pregnancy left me with split stomach muscles so, even before the additional weight, my figure has drastically altered and I still look a bit preggers in my pre-baby frocks.

I dabbled with lighter hair colour as I no longer want to maintain such a dark shade. I went red but that's now faded to a horrid orange with about 3 months of grey roots. It's in a chin length bob which doesn't suit me but my hair is now far finer and more flyaway post-kids.

My usual go-to make up doesn't sit right anymore, my eyes have gone a bit hooded and crepey so the mega eyeliner I used to rely on now looks more Baby Jane than Betty Page.

I know I need to 'move on' and embrace my 30's but I have no idea what to do!

Lose weight yes, I know that will help with finding different clothes I like....but what else, what to do with hair and make up?

I paid a fortune for a hairdresser and ended up with orange on orange highlights...I've tried several and they don't seem to want to guide me towards anything and I am not sure what I want.

Help -I'm overwhelmed!!!

Fabulous thread! I feel like you op. I'm 38 now and pregnant with dc3. I'm going to revisit this thread in 6 months when babys here and Ive hopefully lost a lot of the weight. Good luck there's sone great ideas on here xx

This thread is great. I always had a very indie/vintage/retro look and outgrew everything when I had my first child 10 years ago. I never quite got my mojo back.
Recently started buying clothes i LOVE and ditching the frumpy mum stuff so I'm not tempted to wear it again.

I have bought several dresses and wear them over leggings so I can still chase my toddler without flashing the world.
I'm now having problems with make-up though as my colouring has changed my lipstick no longer suits.
I don't live near a make-up counter worth visiting, so i'm a bit stuck. Last time I went to one I just got identikit neutral and it doesn't suit me.

Good luck getting 'you' back. And have fun doing it.

What is your natural hair colour? Try to go nearer to that then greys won't be as obvious with roots.
Try grey or brown gel eyeliner instead of black.
Style wise if you want trousers get some jeans that fit your really nicely and then buy some interesting long tops in all different colours and new jewellery.
Don't go on the does my bum look 40 blog . Never resort to that!

If you can, go to your nearest MAC counter and get a makeover. If you pay for the £30 one (i think!) you can put that towards any products you like. It's always nice to see what someone else would do and get ideas I think.

Can you think of any famous people whose style you like? That's a good starting point!

I've tried the asos order but I think I've made the mistake of dressing the old not the current me....nothing looked right so I am going to try again with some less tried and tested styles. I've decided that my hair needs sorting before my make up so that's the next stop.....I need to trust the hairdresser to make a good choice as I just don't know myself!!!!!!!

I feel a bit like this. Pre kids I used to do the Katy Perry thing of perfect fairly heavy makeup, very dark block hair colour and striking dresses, and now, two sizes bigger and not working, I feel completely lost style-wise. The lovely clothes I used to wear now don't fit, but even if they did they wouldn't suit my life as a sahm/housewife. It's very difficult indeed.

I relate to so much of what you've said, I've always had a stylised look too and feel like I've lost it. I always had a dark bob with flicky eyeliner but I started to get a lot more grey. Sadly not enough to go with it yet, just a stupid patch at the front.

I've grown my hair a bit and have an appointment to go lighter but I'm wavering. I feel older and invisible with it and that it just doesn't suit me. I don't want to spend £200 plus then dye it back within a month. I don't do soft and pretty either.

Clothes wise I still feel ok but am having a massive hair crisis, I'll be watching with interest.

My whole life I've struggled with my hair, in particular finding a hairdresser that can work with it's determination not to be styled! I have a funny neck line and a cowlick and it's veered between curly and limp and slightly wavy.
The best hairdresser I ever had was a friend who was learning hairdressing the same time as we were students together. She was daring and keen to learn and so I modelled for her a lot. We lost touch and I finally found her again last year.
She is brave enough to go with my desire for something a bit different, while helping me to work a style with my awkward hair.

I've had so many disappointing hair appointments where they are too scared to step outside their 'safe' zone. I think finding a really good hairdresser who will work with you on what you like is a big step.

This thread is exactly my issue too!
35, a two year old and a seven month old and a wobbly stomach. I had bleach blonde hair with pink/purple in, heavy eyeliner and wore bright/vintage stuff. The last two years have been a wilderness for me.
I love arched eyebrow too, I'm not plus sized, but her look is excellent.
What I've found that works for me is to embrace a sort of grunge look, black leggings and dr martins with big shirts, 80s brightly coloured jumpers with vest tips under. (Breast feeding). Then I always have my nails painted (Barry M) and wear Mac matte lipstick. I ve got my hair shortish while the baby hair grows back in, but I do sometimes wear a scarf with it, and I wear 'statement' earrings if I can be bothered. A bit of a mishmash, but while I get my figure and sleep pattern sorted I need an easy uniform which reflects something of my style.
I agree with pp and get hair sorted first. I watched some online make up tutorials for ideas too.
Good luck.

For those of you who are doubting that you can wear strong image dresses as a sahm - yes you can .
I wear them in my 50 s still even when gardening .they are just clothes .enjoy .clothes are to me art textile . People are moving art sort of . Be yourself .slap on a dress that makes you happy .wash it when gets child debris on it .feel good .leggings under .flat and fab shoes .hair how u want .a strong lippy takes seconds to put on . You know who you are .the look others like is lovely but would you feel right ? Enjoy !!!

I had that whole vintage, grungy alternative look in my twenties, lost my way after having the kids. Really know how you feel. Reading this forum helped and a few blogs - sometimes to just cement what I don't like. It was a bit of a journey. I really don't get on with classic pretty clothes either, I'll reserve those for my 80 year old self, they make me feel so dull.
I tend to wear Cos style clothing - although not from Cos because the fit is terrible for me. I like Toast too - a light sprinkling of Granny Chic much to the horror of dd. I've just bought a pair of Blundstone boots - the dcs have named them my pixie boots. I'm also drawn to anything slightly moddish.
I have gone for a Pixie haircut - easy to style, I absolutely love it, so much better than a pony tail. On make up, I tend to use very little on a daily basis -Perfect Blur Primer, mascara and a lip stain.