Terrible highlights (again) - any advice?

[badhairallthetime]

New on here so please be patient with me and excuse v long post.

I went to new a salon yesterday and had highlights (and a brazilian blowdry) and I hate it.

I have a bad history with highlights over the past 3 or so years, I can never get the right colour despite trying a few times, at local salons and also at very expensive ‘top’ London salons.

I am nearly 40 so have a fair bit of grey in front and around parting but my natural hair is pretty dark, and cool toned. I have quite pale skin and blue eyes.

I had been having tinting for about a year but was getting fed up with the blocky look of it and also hoped the highlights would visually disguise when the grey roots come in so tried highlights again in July but wasn’t 100% happy with the result.

I went back after a few days and my stylist toned it, which helped a little, but I had to go back a month or so after as it had lifted so much and get a semi to tone it out. Which made it look better, but basically put me back to where I was before – all a bit blocky, a bit too warm, and unnatural looking.

I thought I would try a new salon as although the stylist I had been seeing for a year or so was OK, it was never quite what I wanted. I went for a consultation at new place and he seemed to totally get what I wanted – natural, cooler toned, non-stripy and a little bit lighter. I also decided to have a brazilian treatment as my hair so over processed and thought it would help with the condition, especially as I’m trying to grow it.

And yet again I hate it! I don’t think he has done a bad job technically (although not 100% sure as I am losing all perspective), but it just doesn’t suit me. It’s too light, maybe a bit stripy and just jars with my skin. In addition he seems to have totally ruined my fringe, but that’s another story, so I’m having to clip it to the side until I can wash it after 72 hours and properly assess the damage.

In normal circumstances I would go out and buy a darker semi to tone it all down, but with brazillian treatment on I can’t add any new colour for 7 days- I called the salon just now and asked.

Don’t know what to do next...the salon said I could go back in a week and they’ll tone it down but don’t know if I trust them especially as when as they finished yesterday they were saying how ‘amazing’ it looks. That was a LIE.

Or I could just wait a week and do it myself, right now I am feeling like I am just going to do it all myself in the future rather than shell out £££ for terrible hair.

I don’t understand why other people get highlights and it looks great and mine looks terrible EVERYTIME. Must just be my face! I feel terrible, feel like crying and don’t even want to go out.

Any advice much appreciated!

It just kinda looks, well, brown. It doesn't look even remotely blonde. It isn't awful by any stretch but it's miles away from what you asked for.

Can you try washing it in a purple toning shampoo like a touch of silver when you're allowed to shampoo it? Apply it to your hair when dry/damp then leave it for an hour or so before rinsing and conditioning?

She didn't ask for blonde, but 'a little bit lighter'.

You can definitely see it's got blonde highlights in it. I like it because it's not brassy. It's not to ash blonde which can often look grey and be very draining.

I realise who you remind me of and it's Claire Danes.

It looks as if it's got some slightly reddish warm tones in it, I wonder if that's what's throwing you if you're used to dark hair. Perhaps that's what makes you feel like it makes your skin look 'pink'.

Maybe ash brown next time? It's cool-toned.

I have dark hair, cool toned Asian, and I recently dyed my hair ash brown because it's supposed to be cool, but I think it doesn't look good on me. I'm going back to black next.

I've tried the purple shampoos before and never found they did much. It's not brassy which is good, but colour not quite right for me I think (hence the pinkness it is pulling through in my complexion). Maybe if I was more olive toned it would look better but not much I can about that

I think the conclusion I've reached with the help of all your comments is that it is not as bad as I think, but it's still not 100% right (might post another pic tomorrow showing more of face so you can see what I mean).

It's so hard to find a hairdresser that 'gets' your hair and understands what you like. Used to have an amazing hairdresser, he was french so he had a certain style and understanding of hair which aligned with what I like and was really talented. But he retired from hairdressing and since then I have been slutting around various hairdressers in London, lurching from 'OK' which is not what you want when you are shelling out ££ to disasters (first attempt at highlights were almost green and looked like a wig).

Thanks for your input!

Seeing as the colour not suiting your skin is the problem, as a temporary pick me up try a touch of fake tan on your face.

I have the same problem. No matter how ash the colour is my hair comes out warm despite my skin being cool.

Are you sure you're going the right way? This says that if you have cool skin you should use warm hair to balance it, which is logical to me. Could it be that you're using to cool a colour on your hair, so it's making your face seem far warmer than usual?

Burnishedsilver - that's a good idea, might try that, thanks! Was also thinking of maybe buying a new lipstick tomorrow, to try and tone everything in until I can get a neutral brown semi over it in a weeks time...not sure what colour though, that's probably another potential minefield! Maybe an orangey red rather than blue-y reds I would normally go for.

Lougle - I've always understood it that you should try and keep to the same 'family' of tones, but thinking of the other way actually makes sense and thats maybe why its making me look warmer than usual and a bit 'off'. The link was interesting although not sure about the accuracy..the people they cite as having cool tones i.e J Lo and Kim K I would have thought as being naturally warm toned. Mmm. Even more confused! This is why you need a good hairdresser, who can figure it all out for you! If anyone has one, please let me know!

It's a lovely colour, but it is incredibly warm toned, not cool in any way. I'd be asking them why they did it warm instead of cool.

I think it looks fine I don't think it looks 'stripey' at all but if you're thinking about having it done again near future I would take pictures with you to show the final shades you want and match them to their colour charts , also look into balayage might be more the look your after? I would love to have mine done if I could afford it :)

I kind of get what you're saying as my hair is a very similar dark mouse colour naturally with a lot of grey coming through now. I tend to have a mix of ash blonde and reddy caramel tones mixed through as a T section and it generally blends together ok and brightens my hair up and hides the grey for a while. It does though look a bit odd and glaring when I first have it done - mainly the red/brown tones which are always brighter than I expect them to be. But it tones down fine as I wash it and get used to it.

Have you found a picture of the colour you actually have in your head? It is really hard to explain to someone else in words exactly what tone you want.

Having said all that I think your hair looks good and I like the colour.

I put nice n easy semi (24 washes) in light ash brown over my last (last ever) highlights that came out too warm. It toned it down really well. Beware, if you go medium instead if light, the medium ash brown is actually very very dark.

A warm hair colour just doesn't suit my skin or any of my clothes. You don't put warm coloured clothes against cool skin to warm it up so surely hair colour is the same.

If anyone still interested, DD took pic of the back earlier. After studying the photo, think I've now figured out what's wrong with it - the new highlights are actually quite cool, maybe even a bit too yellow, and the other streaks are the old colour which was warm (and what I was trying to move away from). I think the 2 different colours jar with each other, and maybe that's why it also jars with my skin tone, as it not blending together properly overall. The toner he used was supposed to tie everything together.

I also think it looks a bit dated...overall effect a bit 2000's maybe? Anyway, when you are spending a lot of money you are supposed to be paying for the colourists knowledge and expertise right? I guess finding a good hairdresser/colourist is like finding hens teeth.

Back to the Nice n Easy (until I get fed up with it not being even and my bathroom being splattered with dye stains).

OP my sympathies, I hear you! I have cool-toned skin and certain reddish browns, rusty beiges and caramel tones clash with my natural coloring and make me feel awful. Some colorists don't get it and they suggest lowlights that are far too warm - and some makeup artists try to 'warm up' my skintone by adding orangey foundation and bronzer Neither works. Your hair does not look bad at all but I completely understand how you feel!

Thanks FrustratedFrugal! Hair itself not that bad but against my face? No no it just looks really wrong? Like I'm wearing a wig or something! Keep getting a fright everytime I glance in the mirror. Bronzer doesn't work on me either, have to stick to cool toned pink blusher (prefer cream, powder always looks a bit 'dusty' on me too) and don't get me started on orangey foundation. They can oxidise on me too - bought a couple in the past couple years which went bright orange on me - a Mac one which they allowed me to return, and one from Space NK which I gave to a friend and she loved it and didn't turn her into the tango man!

I'm typing from my chair at Toni & Guy with a head full of foil

Looking at the second picture, yes I do think it's a bit stripy tbh which is a pet hate of mine.

I actually pay for a longer appointment so they can do my highlights very very finely (I came in at 2.30 and the colourist has just finished putting the foils in).

I'm not sure the highlight colour is wrong (hard to tell though from pictures) rather that it's not evenly or finely distributed through your natural colour.

I used to find colour difficult to get right but have now been using the same colourist for 5years - she knows what I like and does it brilliantly. I sadly think that's the key - finding someone who really listens to what you want and has the skill to deliver that.

Perhaps ask friends for recommendations? I actually found my colourist by asking a women I didn't know at a work event where she had her hair done as her highlights were so good

YellowTulips - well done for finding a great colourist, hold onto her for dear life! The guy who did mine said he was going to do them superfine

Such a PITA though. You want to go to the hairdresser and leave feeling good, confident, and refreshed, not unsure, confused, and feeling like you have to make a quick dash to the home colour aisle at Superdrug!

The quest for a great colourist and stylist continues...

I'd search on Pinterest for what you want eg Cool tone ash blonde and then save them on your phone to show your hairdressers.

I've found that people describe hair colours/tones in wildly differing ways. But if you can show your hairdresser what you want there's less room for misunderstanding.

The colour may be a bit too warm for you. When you colour your hair, whatever colour you choose, it will always end up looking redder than your natural colour. I have naturally cool-toned mousy brown hair (with grey streaks at the front) and I've had to completely stop colouring it becuse it just gets too warm.

From the second pic I think it is a bit stripey - a pet hate of mine - and the blonde is a bit too harsh. It needs a darker blonde and perhaps a less red-toned highlight for the other colour/s.

But I really wouldn't go back to nice n easy - you can always tell when someone's done a home job and it comes up too monotone.

The nice n easy should be OK - will just use a semi perm. in medium or light brown to tone it down, it's what hairdressers have done anyway to it to tone it down on my other attempts which have always ended the same way, so I now give up! With a semi it should hopefully not be too flat and monotone as the colour will take different on the different colours (that's what Im hoping anyway...).

Apart from the fact I wouldn't even know where to go next as feeling very mistrustful of hairdressers unless I can get a personal recommendation from someone, I don't think I can face going through the process of trying to explain what I want, sitting there for ages and being pulled about, and the nervous anticipation of it not working again

Washing it tomorrow so will see if the brazilian treatment was worth it or just more cash down the drain!

Ok I'm back. Not the best picture but as good as I can get for an anonymous selfie.

Is this more the effect you were after? I think it might be a bit light for you but more in terms of how fine the highlights are?

YellowTulips - it is very very nice! Yes definitely more the effect I was after - subtle. Too light for me, but very subtle and doesn't scream highlights like my stripy affair does

I think you might just have to do what I did and pounce on someone who has their hair coloured like you want and find out where.

I'm in the north of England btw so if that's a starter region I'll PM you with who I use.

If she leaves I'll follow her to another salon! If she retires I'll be seriously upset (thankfully she's younger than me!).

I agree based on past exeperience that it's so upsetting to spend money on something you "wear" every day and it not to be right.

Hope you get sorted