Meet The Parents: What to Wear?

[Sweetsweetjane]

Hi , I am early 40s, been seeing a guy for approx six months, never met his family because they live in another county. Semi serious relationship.
His mum is celebrating a milestone birthday and is having a catered marquee lunch on a family smallholding. The lunch will include at least 30 adults. Apparently the family are moneyed and the invitation states: "dress according to the weather on the day".
We will be travelling across country to get to the venue in time for the lunch.

I have absolutely no idea what to wear. None of his family are on FB so I can't ogle at their pics and ape their style. I don't know whether I'm supposed to go for some kind of wedding guest dress or smart casual because it's on a farm.

I was thinking smart top, blazer and flats with nice jeans and with subtle jewellery. I don't really do heels as have joint problems and if I wear a dress I feel mega frump in flats unless it's a shortish dress. I have a couple of sheath type dresses which can be dressed up or down but then it's what to wear on my feet. I have some dark brown moccasin type loafers...phew...I'm really lost and BF has little idea of style, he tends to come to me when choosing what to wear and when I ask what to wear to this lunch he just tells me I always look good and not to worry (not stealth boasting).

I am 5ft short and curvy (dumpy). Long hair, broad shoulders and a size 12. As a single parent I am not rolling in money.

Please help.

I should just add, the do Is the beginning of October.

Whoops, not sheath dresses,shift dresses, with sleeves. I am not a big fan of my big upper arms.

Is the lunch in the UK?

Hi burnishedsilver yes it is in the UK thanks. I'm a bit worried about looking too casual or as though I'm going to work.

ah, this feels a bit like my very own Q and A thread...
In the absence of suggestions from S&B gurus I have consulted with Debretts. I quote:

"For 'formal' smart casual events women should aim to be smart in a dress or skirt and top with a jacket or smart cover-up.Avoid wearing denim, unless it is immaculate and balanced with a tailored jacket and smart accessories. Also avoid high heels and wearing suits, as they look like business clothes.

Women wearing 'informal smart casual' should dress for the time of day and the season. Denim should be immaculate and sports or beach clothes avoided unless the occasion demands. However, too much tailoring and heels can also look wrong"

it is my presumption that the event will be smart casual. I'd love some ideas from real people, thank you.

I'm not sure I'd go for jeans for a catered lunch in a marquee. Can you swap the jeans for nice trousers?

If it's Oct in the UK in a marquee I'd make sure I had a nice pashmina style scarf with me in case its cold.

Hi sunshine thanks for your reply. I had been thinking of some smart trews instead of jeans. I ampacking. Bit of extra weight at the moment and really struggling with my tummy. Never recovered from two pregnancies in quick succession and at the moment im very conscious of my waist or lack thereof. I'd though stretchy jeans with a smart but loose waisted top, in gurs I could do the same with trousers. I have large thighs and bum and have always struggled to find trousers to suit my shape. They tend to stretch across the thighs and bum and baggy around front hips. I'm an awkward shape to dress which is why i stick with stretch denim or dresses.

I'd go for the shift dress. Wear tights and a cardi or bolero top if cold, and some nice flats or wedges if you're on grass.

What about a dress under your blazer then, with boots perhaps rather than flats? That could count as casual if everyone else is but would be smart enough if they are all fancy.

I like your idea of blazer, smart top and flats but swap the jeans for a pair of black Capri / three quarter length trousers. That way it's not too different from your normal wear, allowing you to feel relaxed and comfortable and not too fussy or dressed up but still be smart enough for the event.

Xthanks guys, they're all great ideas and other too far removed from what I had planned. Maybe it's not as desperate as I'd thought...

I'd go with stretch skinny trousers rather than jeans. Or a dress - this could work as itd be longer on you. Could you wear small and/or wedge/block heels? I have some wedge sandals that are just a inch tall but they make me feel so much better than flats (not suggesting you wear sandals in October - tbh I think a marquee in October will be pretty chilly depending on whether they have heating! :) ).

I like this:

www.yumi.co.uk/sale/dresses/animal-print-skater-dress-YOSD84.html?dwvar_YOSD84_color=Black#start=1&cgid=sale-sale-dresses

The Yumi dress is cute and a great price. I do like Yumi clothes, I tend to shop in Gap and Zara and always tkmaxx so I'll look there for low wedges, does anyone know where's good for stretch skinny trews? I can try Gap but I don't think that their sale is on now?
I probably should have mentioned that my 'colours' are warm autumn.

I haven't tried them myself but I've seen Uniqlo recommended lots of times in the past by MNers.

Gap always have discount codes ... The slim crop pants are very highly regarded on here www.gap.co.uk/browse/product.do?vid=1&pid=000760954009 they have them in a number of colours atm

Try Esprit. They always seem to have a good variety of trousers etc in a mix of fits and styles. It tells you whether the item tends to fit normally or too big/small based on customer feedback which is useful.

delivery and returns are free so you can order loads to try on and the send it back. Delivery can be slow though.

Thanks for the trouser recommendations. I have bought Esprit in TKMaxx before. Wow I just remembered a pair of purple Esprit trousers I had as a teenager from an outlet store, gosh I wore them all the time, those were the days, I really had a capsule wardrobe then without even knowing what one was (early 90s) very few clothes, real mix and match!

Good tip with espirit soup

I think the look you have in mind is perfect.
I would take 'dress for the weather' to mean that there is no heat in the marquee. It might be good to have a cape or pashmina/large scarf on hand in case its cold.

I would wear a dress and boots. (I would wear a wrap dress, but a sheath might be good on you?) With a cardigan or soft jacket or shawl. If you're crossing a field to get to a possibly unheated marquee, you won't want to be tottering about or chilly.

As regards the 'moneyed' clue - whether it's old or new money is likely to make a difference to what people are wearing. I'm inclined to think it's old, from the smallholding and the unfussy, practical dress code, so I would err on the side of practical and understated rather than blingy.

Thanks ruffwearer and burnishedsilver
I am tending more towards dress now as I caught sight of my back view in a changing room mirror today trying on some trousers and it wasn't pretty :(
It was H&M though so the trousers probably weren't great quality.

I am one of the few women who doesn't suit wrap dresses. They really accentuate my grotesque proportions! My stomach is huge and has a tendency to bloat a lot which is why I tend to wear stretch jeans with loose drapey tops or waistless dresses. I think I'm perimenopausal and sensitive to wheat gluten...
Incidentally, they are apparently new money (property and investments) but have been well off for years. From what I can gather they have integrated well into the lifestyle and are prominent members of their community.

What about this general idea, with a jacket over? These are from boden.

I can't wear wrap dresses either. They accentuate my tummy. I can wear faux wrap dresses. Faux wraps might be something to try.

That dress is the perfect shape, colour, neckline and sleeve length for me! Thank you, I will get Bodenning. I have always steered clear because pricey and mainly too long for me but I can do basic alterations if needed. Thank you.

I meant the first dress, hadn't realised that there are more.