45 and in a rut

[radiantradish]

I am feeling really, really bluhhhhhhh and I need your expert help.

When I was younger I made much more effort on my appearance. I wouldn't go to 7/11 without looking my best and this lasted right up until I had DC about 10 years ago. People used to say I was very glamorous and other nice compliments. Now I really feel frumpy, dishevelled and the opposite of polished. I have very energetic DC under the age of 10 and by 9.30pm I am done and want my bed. I did have a big medical last year and everything was OK and I am not even peri-menopausal so I don't think that is it. I do drink a fair bit, on average about 1/2 bottle of wine 3 times a week.

I am about 1.5 stones over weight. I have joined a gym and during the induction was told I have a good base of fitness because in my younger days I was very fit. I am lacking motivation though and the extra weight is holding me back! I don't have many wrinkles and I don't dye my hair although I can see the grey escalating. My hairdresser has said I don't need to dye it yet.

The sad thing is that I have nice things. I have decent clothes, nail varnish, perfume, makeup, shoes and accessories because I buy them and follow the S&B board here. I just don't seem to be motivated to make the effort to put on decent clothes and makeup. I am grabbing the first pair of jeans and T shirt I see, pulling hair back in a pony and putting on a bit of mascara. I don't think I am depressed or anything. I just think I have got out of the habit of taking pride in my appearance. I read on here that you have to make more effort as you get older to look good and here I am making 5% of the effort I used to make.

What can I do to turn this around. I look and feel terrible. I am a frump!

Could you spend some time sorting out your wardrobe so that the things you like are more accessible for you to quickly grab in the mornings? I have very little time to get dressed and this has helped me a lot.

I have just realised that this has coincided with me becoming a SAHM. When I was at work I had to dress really smart and look impeccable. I buy nice things from Zara, The White Company and All Saints and then tell myself that they are too nice to wear on the school run, walk the dog or to go to the shop in. It seems that I have a mental block.

So, knackered it's not a case of not having them quickly to hand.

I feel the same. Yesterday I got up, showered, put something nice on and did my make up and felt good all day. Today I'm slobbing about with filthy feet, a hoody and leggings feeling like a lump of lead.

How crazy is it that I know I felt good yesterday because I made an effort yet today I can't be arsed?

Sorry I've no help to offer but I totally understand what you mean. I'm similar in that I'm a SAHW. It seems the more hours I have to please myself the less gets done :(

Well, maybe plan something to do everyday, so you think it is worth wearing your decent clothes. Maybe the problem is that you're in a rut with your life in general

Maybe you are just slightly depressed if you don't feel motivated to do the things you want to do

It's easily done.
My mantra now is .. Don't keep things for best. Or at least only a couple of things.
I feel shit if I wear baggy, shapeless stuff.

So clear out the grot, and get use out of what's there.
I've recently become a lone parent with a massive reduction in income, but have a wardrobe full of stuff. I've worked out what I need for a/ w and its very little in reality.

Enjoy wearing your lovely clothes. You're worth it.

radient I'm just climbing out of a similar style funk. I am overweight but have lost half a stone through eating properly with no desserts, snacking or alcohol. I found what little I was drinking was making me feel a bit down. I've upped exercise and skincare and started to follow style blogs. I also use an app called Closet Space to list my clothes and makeup with pictures so I can see what I have.

The downward spiral started with having kids and, with little family support around, I just felt like I was drowning in responsibility without any fun. Mind you my dc is six but better late than never to lose my baby weight. I also like the idea of capsule wardrobes and use pinterest to gather clothes ideas and colour inspiration. I'm trying to add more colour to my clothes selection. I am basically a sahm mum with some very part time work. I think I became depressed that there were few career ops in my area of expertise where I live now but I am trying to carve out a niche. As a result I just stopped developing my sense of style and my body had changed shape and I felt self conscious wearing more fitted styles.

My advice would be to use pinterest, style bogs, Mumsnet to inspire yourself to think about your style afresh and really look after yourself in terms of nutrition etc. I didn't choose nice clothes and lived in stretchy wide trousers for six years and I think I totally lost my confidence. Little by little you can edge yourself out of the rut. Once you gain momentum there'll be no stopping you - it's just starting that's hard.

Radiant even if it's the school run you can have fun putting outfits together and experimenting with colour. Today I was looking at the different greens of a few bushes near the school door. I'm trying to move away from just black and looking at autumnal greens as an accent colour (perhaps with burgundy as a neutral). Have been using Joe Lupo and Jerry Garza's 'Life in Color: The Visual Therapy Guide to the Perfect Palette--for Fashion, Beauty, and You!' - according to them earth/autumnal colours might look good on me. They do a good work fashion book too called 'Work it'.

I think KnackeredKnitter has described how I was two months ago - not bothered with myself or what I wore because I was in a rut in general. For me the fashion was a symptom of wider problems such as my weight and my career.

I think if you look like shit, you tend to feel like shit.Looking good is not the be all and end all for me, but I do try and make an effort. I have my eyebrows done and get my hair sorted when I can.i have a cheap, basic skincare regime, which consists of a facial scrub and Aldi wrinkle cream. I wear makeup and I do a ten minute belly fat buster DVD every night. I look relatively ok for my age, but the most important thing is I'm well and I'm very grateful for that. I constantly remind myself that being in good health is all that matters. My clothes are always high street due to my limited budget, but I try and add new pieces each season, some trends I steer away from because I'm way too old, others I embrace.

Trouble is that looking like shit becomes the default option because it's easier.

I guess the thing for a lot of us is to maybe make an effort with simple makeup and nice clothes for a few days in a row and see if that lifts us and just carry on with it if it does, regardless of what our plans are for the day.

Are you me? Im a sahm but not out of choice. When I work I feel so much better because I have a purpose. I can dress up for adults and I have some extra money to spend on me. I adore my kids but im not a good sahm mum!

I've gone a bit mental and radical this month. I've ditched my winter/autumn wardrobe. 4 bin bags of it has gone. I hold onto things just in case but its just depressing me now. Some of it was maternity clothes from 8 years ago. That can never be right! I've bought just over 200 quid worth of new stuff (eeekkk) so far and I haven't finished. I'm raiding my savings to do it. I dont care anymore I cant carry on the way I am. I've bought a few really good pieces from the sales like a cashmere jumper which has me stupidly excited! A fairisle Jumper which I love and was reduced from 125 quid to 50! A couple of good fitting skirts. I've replaced my handbag (it was 3 years old ffs) and i'm now starting on shoes/boots. I've dyed my hair and each day I attempt to shower and put makeup on. This will become harder when the kids are back at school and the nights get darker.

I need to address my weight,eating and fitness but I don't feel good enough about myself at the moment to realistically maintain any changes. I have it planned but I need to mentally catch up with it.

My skin is terrible. I dont know what is going on with that at the moment but its a mixture of spots and dry patches. I rarely get spots so why im covered in them now I'll never know.

Its time to get 'me' back. My children and dh have drained me for so long I need to invest in me.

Well done jellyjiggles! Money well spent!

I get spots and dry skin and find Balance me cleanse and smooth face balm works to calm it down (it is expensive though but I only use it a few times to get the skin right again. It seems that I dry my skin out to much with soap and then perversely I get more spots as my skin reacts to the dryness.

Wear your nice things for dog walking. I do. I just stick wellies and a coat over if necessary then you don't end up in slobby stuff that you Cba to change and end up in all day. I've never had anything wrecked and I go over the fields and in woods everyday in all weather. Same for school run and shopping. Otherwise you don't get your wear out of it before it's dated and makes you feel frumpy.

Well Done on joining the gym OP!
I am a similar age to you and also was a gym bunny throughout my 20s.
Spent my 30s being either pregnant or running around after toddlers in shapeless supermarket clothing so by the time I hit 40 I had totally lost sight of myself.
I am 44 now and over the past 4 years have got into a regular exercise routine, dropped a dress size, got my colours done, changed my hairstyle and adjusted my wardrobe accordingly. I work in an a professional environment 3 days a weeks so have to be reasonably well groomed those days; the rest of the week then sorts itself out. All done gradually rather than all at once, and I have slowly replaced the cheap tat wardrobe with fewer things of better quality. My best change is definitely the exercise routine and sticking too it - I feel amazing and that is better for me than anything I do with my appearance.
Good luck .