Wanky Toast emails ENOUGH

[StephanieBeacham]

Pseuds Corner

This woman seems to be intending to boil herself.

Has anyone else found these delightful daily missives to be nothing but a source of amusement?

'...Just beyond the garden, on the edge of the wood, stands Louisa Thomsen Brit's old metal bath.
Sinking into its waters, warmed by the fire below, she reflects on the charms of simmering ones backside in the undergrowth...'

Either that or its a more traditional slow cooker...?

I always enjoy updates on the "women laughing whilst eating salad" sites....

womenlaughingalonewithsalad.tumblr.com/

I just imagine the copywriter sitting at her laptop wearing a bobbly m&s jumper, eating Doritos

I get these but never bother opening them, think I will now

Seriously though can you actually light a fire underneath your bath and not die, or cause a forest fire?

Our bath is in the house actually so it wouldn't be the same. I think the floor would give out pretty quickly and I'd be in our neighbour's kitchen. On fire. And wet.

Wouldn't the bottom of the bath be very very very hot?

Yes I was wondering about that. Unless the water is cold when you get in.

might give a dog walker a shock

Whilst heating up her water in her secluded fair forest, she makes her kids bathe in the cold water on the edge of a cliff face...the selfish Cah!

www.toa.st/uk/

They all look blardy miserable....

LOL at Matey

'Feeling mildly stoned and washed clean, I blow out the candles. It was a magical, indelible dip that leaves me with a feeling of renwed participation. These are my autumn days, a time of acceptance and ageing, calm and celebratory.

Bathing outside feels like an ancient ritual, a naked prayer that begins with listening and speaking to things and invites us into connection with the essential presence of the world.'

Stoned??

What a load of old bollocks.

Irrespective of whether she boils herself alive or not, how the feck does she climb in and out of the bath without burning her legs by standing too close to the fire? Unless she has ten foot long legs.

You have to have at least ten foot long legs to be a Toast model. Obvs.

and have a bath mat made of bricks. If you haven't got one, they sell them.

'The dog sighs and settles down beside the bath' It's calling you all the pretentious cows under the sun (or over the fire) under it's breath

I have one of their coats and it magically makes me look 2 sizes smaller. I forgive them all wankiness for that alone. I do laugh a lot looking through their catalogues though.

Oh god Toast has always been wanky. I'm actually surprised that's some kind of guest writer, because it's exactly the same style as you get in all Toast catalogues, even in the item descriptions. "Relaxed-ish boat neck, autumny fisherman-style delicious silk gathered peplum blah blah (dry-clean only)" And I'll always remember "witchy espadrilles" - wft, no thanks I don't want to look witchy!

Combine that with the models who always look as if they have stormed out of the remote holiday cottage after a blazing row and are considering throwing themselves in the lake, and the interiors that look like they should be described as "in need of some cosmetic upgrading" – it's a pretentious wankfest extraordinaire.

That bath in the woods for example, would be an absolute nightmare. Apart from getting badly scalded by lighting a FIRE under your metal bath, can you imagine the dead leaf/spider in your face/being startled by ramblers potential.

Exactly the kind of gubbins written by people who actually have a £££££ en-suite surrounded by Kiehl's.

Two sizes smaller Igneo? That's a surprise. Whenever I've looked at their website everything makes the tall skinny models look like they've been wrapped in a lumpy duvet then draped loosely in a bunch of old towels and sheets from a charity shop.

All for the bargain price of £450.

In my experience with Toast itsraining it's either one or the other. I look either enormous in their clothes or they fit beautifully. That coat is tailored, I think they call it a carriage coat and it is great. I always get asked if I lost weight when I wear it and I usually reply "Nah, just wait till I take my coat off". I bought some trousers in the sale recently which look great but I tried some before which made me look like a giant. For me it's hit and miss.

She's boiled her brain and thinks that hideous "inmate in a 1920s asylum" dress looks chic.

I actually do also have some Toast things I like! Just hate the catalogue.

You do have to be careful to avoid the "wrapped in asylum blankets" look.

It's been bugging me all morning ...

Do you think she really does that?

I mean, really sit in an outdoor bath? Alone?

I want facts. Does she trudge down there with buckets of water to fill it? Hot or cold? Ones she have to clean the bath beforehand? Or drag it into a shed? How/where does she empty it?

So many questions...

If I put candles on the floor under my bath, would it be the same?