Help please ...

[WolfieGirl19]

I'm 39. I work from home and have 4 children. I'm a lurker who's joined for some advise please.

I've just returned home from holiday.
I looked around at all the women on holiday and felt awful. They were all dressed lovely, had nice hair. I felt so old and frumpy.

All I do all day is clean. I've always taken pride in the children and having a lovely house. But it doesn't seem enough anymore. My children are growing up. I no longer have any control over what they wear nor do I buy their clothes for them anymore.
I would like some advise on where to start first please.

I do have lots of clothes but they are just jeans, t-shirts and I seem to have a large collection of cardigans. I'm not sure why but I gravitate to cardigans.
I'm a size 14. If this helps. I usually shop in Asda.
Thank you.

First of all, why do you clean all day every day?

Is it necessary? I really doubt it.

Do you work? Would you like to work?
Just trying to find out more about you......

I am currently on holiday and my wardrobe centres around navy this year. Am wearing navy linen trousers, different coloured tops and a denim jacket, canvas pumps.

Everything from the Next sale so not expensive.

Sorry.

Missed that you work from home........

I just a like it. I'm a bit wierd like that I suppose. I have quite a large kitchen and it takes some cleaning.

I think I've lost my identity now the children are older and I have so much time on my hands now.

I have only ever bought children's clothes from next. Never for myself. I'll have to have a look.

Thank you.

I have a big kitchen but I don't spend all day every day cleaning it!
Spend some of that time browsing in shops other than ASDA, while it does have some useful bits e.g. I buy all my tights/stockings there it is quite limited clothes wise, look at Pinterest for some inspiration. If you liked what the women on holiday wore look around for ideas to steal and incorporate into your style.
Can you book an hair appointment? Again google/Pinterest for different styles.
Jeans t-shirts and cardies have their place but are there other clothes you would like to try? Dresses, skirts etc? Be brave and try on some things you wouldn't normally go for, you can always put them back. Do you have a friend or relative who's stylish or loves shopping? If so ask if you join them on their next trip.
Then plan some outings to wear your new stuff to even if it's a just a coffee or a walk with a friend. It will boost your confidence no end, which I'm guessing is a bit of a problem? Apologies if I'm wrong.

When I had a major sort out of my clothes a few years ago, all the tat I ended up throwing out was from asda. Honestly it is rubbish, unstylish, frumpy and poorly made.

Go into your nearest town on a mission and have a major trying on session. Or do what I do and order tons of stuff online and send back anything you are not sure about. Do you have a friend or sister who can give you an honest opinion?

I agree with looking a Pinterest for fashion and hair ideas. Splash out on your hair and maybe try a beauty treatment or two. Shellac nails, eyebrows, spray tan? It's not really my thing but it does make a difference. It's nice to make an effort for a special occasion. Have you got an event coming up?

Start small with what you are comfortable with.

What was it about their clothes that made you think they were dressed lovely, Wolfie?

It might be that their 'style' was more because of their inner confidence and happiness, its not always about just clothes and grooming. What do your friends wear? The other mums of your children's friends? look around you for inspiration - I like to try out something I've seen a friend wear - sometimes it looks terrible on me, sometimes its great!

I agree that basics is the best starting point - easy to style haircut, colour/highlights if you wish, are your eyebrows shaped already? Do you do your own nails, keeping them clean, tidy and an appropriate length for you? Do you exercise, or practice yoga/pilates? You could perhaps use some of the cleaning time for this instead, I don't doubt the cleaning keeps you fit but exercise will make you feel great and boost your self esteem if you can fit it in somewhere?

Then go shopping, or online if you prefer. I like to look at what my favourite shops are selling, then look on ebay for similar items to make up a look at a fraction of the cost. Its the only way I can afford to dress nicely.

I have my hair trimmed every 8 weeks. My friend is a hairdresser. Plain long hair with a side fringe. But it suits me I think.
I do my own nails. I have about £30 on my boys card so could buy some nail varnish on that. I was thinking I using it for some anti wrinkle cream though.
I go swimming twice a week so do some exercise.
The clothes people were wearing be was varied to be honest.
One woman was wearing an A line white skirt and black vest top. Another wore jeans and a lovely bright top and sandals.
I really don't know what styles I like. How does pintrest work?

Thanks for all your replies. I've been looking on some websites. But I feel really uncomfortable thinking I could wear some of the clothes I've seen. Like I'm drawing attention to myself or not wearing things that flatter.

I don't know anyone to google who is my size to see what she's wearing.
Any suggestions?

*boots card.
Sorry typing in my phone.

I think it's best to work out a sort of uniform and use that as a base.

Throw your cardigans away- they are the epitome of frump! Stop shopping in asda too!

What sort of shape are you, curvy, pear, straight, Apple?

What kind of things do you like, jeans over skirts, dresses over jeans?

What about a good fitting pair of skinny flares, a black vest top, black sea salt sandals, a tan cross body small satchel. A couple of silver bangles and a long pendant necklace?

Or a simple skater dress in navy with tan gladiator sandals, hair up in messy bun and an oversized jute tote bag?

Or skinny ankle grazing trousers in khaki, leopard print ballet flats and a crisp boyfriend style shirt in pale blue?

Nilbyname - I liked all your suggestion :)

I think I'm an hourglass. But a chubby one?? If that's possible.
I can't do blazers and shirts due to big bust and jeans and trousers have to fit my hips but then I need a belt to keep them up.
I hate jeans that are low and show off builders bum.

Also can't do ballet flats as I have a bunion. And they all seem to sit right across it and it hurts.
I have a pair of the Clarks Griffin Milly. Not very trendy. But comfortable.

I've booked a manicure and eyebrow shape at 4pm.

What sort of colour would be best. I'm thinking a light pink. But seems a bit boring?

What shall I ask for when they do my eyebrows?

Sorry complete novice.

Hope your eyebrows went well? I just asked for a natural shape, not too thin, and easy to maintain at home.

I cant get pinterest to work well for me, even when I search for stuff I get a random mix of crap that isn't what I'm looking for.

I think you'll just have to plan a day of window shopping, trying stuff on. But when you go, make sure you feel your best, hair makeup etc done if that's what makes you feel smart, and play with a few different looks. Are you near a big shopping centre/town?

And I get the thing sometimes, where I feel I'm wearing something that draws attention to myself. But I realise its probably just a perfectly normal outfit, the issue is mine and its all in my head - no one gives me a second glance! Its almost like I feel I don't deserve to wear a nice well put together outfit, and I worry about being judged if I try to fit in with "fashion", like people might think I'm not doing it right. There is no "right", its whatever suits you and feels good to wear!

I agree with those who've said try lots of things on - but pick a good day for it, and make sure you go in feeling excited and interested to try new things (a supportive friend can help here too!) I definitely have days when everything I try seems wrong, and I'm a bit insecure or nervous, and once you settle into that mindset it's impossible to end up picking the right things - you just go for something 'safe' and regret it later.

In terms of 'drawing attention' - I get this. I think loads of people do. I recently revamped my whole style and over the last year have been wearing clothes and makeup which I'd never have considered before at any point in my life, mostly because I thought I was 'too boring' as a person to pull them off, and it would just draw attention. But then something which really helped me was to turn it around - instead of being the woman being looked at, think about what you were thinking when you looked at the women you admired. Did you ever think 'Eugh, look at her drawing attention?' Or just 'I like that, it looks good! I wonder where she got it?' etc. People basically just think the second, not the first - even when I've been wearing something particularly exciting and can tell that people are looking, quite often they've actually then set my mind at rest by coming up to me and asked where I bought a particular dress and said how much they like it.

This isn't to say that you need to change everything all at once either - I did it bit by bit, and slowly gained confidence that way. So I started with a few fairly subtle dresses in a particular style, then as I grew more confident tried the more adventurous options. Or with make-up, the same, started with fairly 'safe' lip colours etc., and now wear bright red and pink lips half the time. So if there's a particular colour/style top you've seen and liked with jeans, why not start there? Then you'll probably find that you start wanting to wear your 'special' nice stuff every day, and get more things like that, and so on.

I can't really get out to the shops for a length of time until after the schools reopen.
I don't really have a top in mind. I like the teal colour so that's a start.

I have tried and tried to get Pinterest to work and I'm getting a bit annoyed now as I seem to just get random stuff up.

I had my eyebrows "tidied" up rather than a shape. They look great. Thank for the tip.

I have been browsing some sites online and seem to like a few things from Wallis. So may go there first.

Definitely buy some good 'statement' items such as a scarf in a color that really suits you, and some beautiful sandals and/or boots.

That way even if you wear jeans and a top from Asda it will look like more stylish.

Concentrate on buying a few pieces that really suit you, then work around that.

And don't be afraid to put things together that you might not have thought of : yesterday I wore a leopard print skirt with a turquoise cardigan, it looked great! (granted where I am it was 33 degrees yesterday, not sure if the temperature in the UK atm)

Good luck!

Hi there, agree with all the advice you've received so far.

Would you consider booking in with a personal shopper? They aren't just for the elite! and can really help when you're stuck in a rut or really don't know what would suit you. All the big department stores do them, you just book an appointment and I don't think you're under any obligation to buy. Maybe if you post your general location people with experience of personal shoppers in that area would recommend which stores are worth going to.