Horrible body envy and youth envy.

[alongcamespiders]

I'm In my mid forties. I have stunning younger sisters, eight and sixteen years younger than me. Whenever I've introduced them to partners or prospective partners it's always been tense for me as my sisters are quite gregarious and dress to show of their beautiful bodies. They are both dark skinned, big boobs,slim waist, taller than me and of course younger.
I am short and over weight, mainly because of mobility issues and medication side effects.

Every time anyone meets them for the first time they tell me how stunning my sisters are. I am not ugly but age has caught up with me, plus disability and two pregnancies,I barely recognise myself. Due to my drugs I cannot lose weight, they're neuropathic drugs and apparently alter the way the body stored fat. I have been tapering off them but the weight isnt budging.
I know I can be pretty but I really have to make a lot of effort now not to look rough.

So I am seeing a new man who is besotted by me.
My family and I spend a lot of time together, out and about, on the beached so it's a natural progression that my new man will be joining us on said trips sometimes or even when everyone just hangs out in my garden (I am the only one with a garden in our family)

So today there were loads of fb pics of my sisters on the beach, neon bikinis, perfect figures etc and my jealousy, anxiety etc came steaming in.
I have been out with guys before who either avert their eyes in an obvious manner or I catch surreptitiously looking at my sisters or totally lapping up the gorgeousness. All the guys say how lovely they are, and they are.

But how to deal with this jealousy? I don't feel too self conscious on the beach normally but next to them and with a new an I know ill just feel like a lump of lard and lose all my sparkle. I dont want to be mardy and moody on the beach it Ihave gone that way before.

Has anyone else dealt with anyone like this and how to deal with it?
I have self esteem issues and have worked on them which is how I became confident in starting a new relationship but now it's all coming back, why does he like me when there's younger, slimmer, fitter, bigger boobs etc etc, disastrous self talk, please help!!!

OP please have more confidence in yourself. I have been single for 15 years and no matter how much internet dating I try, no one gets back to me. You have someone interested in you so hold onto that. Your sisters might be younger and slimmer than you, but you must have something (lots of things) that have attracted someone to you.

Telling the OP to "have more confidence " is not helpful. Think she's never thought of that?

Ah, you poor thing. Stop blaming yourself for really natural feelings. This is trite, I know, but these feeling aren't making you happy and you can't change the way your sisters looks so I would just see if you can let it go.

Thanks guys, part of the reason we socialise at the beach is because we're surrounded by beaches and have four children and a dog between us. The beaches are awesome, the kids love it and its a cheap, healthy day out. We love sea swimming, we've always done it and its a natural thing for us to do!

I couldn't imagine not going and would feel uncomfortable fully dressed and not swimming or catching Rays.

Everyone I know hangs out on the beach especially in this weather. I am going to take the advice to treat myself to some flattering beachwear and try and work on my confidence
. I'm already in counselling so I cn use it to address this issue too as its a horrible way to feel.

I think i would feel insecure at the beach in the company of others who have young perfect bodies. I think others are lying if they say they wouldnt feel the tiniest insecure in the company of a partner. You have said it yourself, he is besotted with you and tbh, love is not about looks. In short, i would go to the beach but personally not with them! If you really have to then as you have suggested, buy a lovely flattering swimsuit and feel good in your own skin. You will excude confidence and that alone will be attractive.

Just had to add, I did try going down the avoidance route, when I was pregnant during the summer, it was upsetting me so much that I totally avoided seeing them if my ex h was around, thus meant I lost out on support and made myself look miserable just because I was so jealous of how they looked compared to me. I really don't want to go down that road again and even if we don't go to the beach these two dress like off the telly girls, you know, short with long shapely legs, tan, hair, teeth , flawless make up etc heads turn everywhere whether it's coffee in town or on the beach,they look so glamorous as many girls their age do now, completely perfect.
Despite years following the S&B pages I'm a natural hippy type at heart and despite a great skin care regime I like to go make up free so unless I spend ages getting ready I always look like I don't care next to them. I have had my 'colours' done, know what shaped and styles suit me. I just need to get over this hurdle.

Sympathies.
My dsis is thinner, prettier, smarter and earns twice that of our yearly income.
It's tough. I used to be pretty. But I had an accident and now my face is horribly lopsided and my teeth aren't nice anymore because of it. And I've gone grey and am not very good at home dying. And im now a bit fat and wobbly after having dd.
People do a bit of a double take when they see us, and shop staff ignore me and speak to her.

BUT
She is my sis. And she has her own issues. You just don't see them on the outside. And im not interested in people who only look on the outside.

It doesn't stop me looking at photos of my 20 year old self and sighing though

Oh euphemiacoxton that sounds hard for you, when you're on your own or just with your dc etc do you just feel like your normal self? 9 times out of ten I feel confident and happy in my skin until I look in the mirror and only notice the negatives or until I'm confronted with the gorgeousness of my sisters and knowing I can never be like them. I am proud and often tell them how beautiful they are.

I know we all have insecurities, I guess it doesn't help that despite my envy etc my youngest sister is incredibly competitive with me too. She is lovely but does make cutting remarks every now and then and sometimes I have risen to it and then. She acts as though I'm reacting to nothing so on the whole I try to ignore it and assume the higher ground as a 'mature' person!

greengardenpixies thank you for acknowledging that I am not a loser freak! I am surprised when people say they wouldn't feel insecure and it just makes me feel as though I'm even more f*cked up than I think I am!

happenstancemarmite brilliant! Thanks

xinaw I hope that you do find some happiness as well. I did t expect to meet someone who I could connect with after having so many duff ones! Who knows where it will lead but I want to enjoy it for now without being jealous and bitter!