Anyone else feel they have a decision to make about their looks?

[butterfly133]

My thoughts are a bit muddled but that’s how I feel I guess!
I am feeling as if I have a decision to make in whether or not I want to engage with keeping up style & beauty etc.

I have never been someone who bothers much about their looks, I don’t go in for beauty rituals. I do have a basic skincare routine and am reasonably groomed, mostly as a work-related habit - e.g. nails longish and polished (I do them at home), eyebrows plucked, take the shine off my nose with powder etc, but definitely not a high maintenance person.

I have historically had a baby face and was ID’d often till last year but now that’s going and I have a few grey hairs, which will multiply fast if my sis and mum are anything to go by. Also, have suddenly developed the dreaded cleavage wrinkles (the only jewellery I wear is a small pendant on a chain so it's doubly annoying).

I have probably responded to all this in a stereotype way – put a semi on my hair, looking for solutions to cleavage wrinkles etc. But I am very aware that I don’t really want to get into a big thing about what I look like.

I do feel the “pressure” – never thought I’d say that either – not because anyone is pressurising me but I have so many older friends who put in effort and money and look fab – which in a way, really means “don’t look their age”. But then I wonder why I say that, there would be nothing wrong if they did look their age. If someone said “yes, she looks forty” it makes no sense for me to be offended by that.

My mum regrets dyeing her hair and wishes she’d let it go gradually grey because it would have been less shocking for people if she had eventually decided not to bother. I totally see her point. My sister is dyeing hers, has seen a stylist and spends a lot – in my view – on her clothes, hair and skincare regime. I think that’s fine if you want to do it. I just can’t work out whether or not I want to do it. I might just be having a middle-aged woman panic. Also, when does it end? I don’t think I want to be 60 and fretting over a skincare regime. I don’t see it as a treat and I like to save as much money as we possibly can.

I work out a lot (for enjoyment) and I’m willing to be more careful what I eat as I get older but I think that might be it for me - sticking with the health stuff rather than the beauty stuff. I was just wondering if anyone else felt like they needed to “make a decision” about how they want to handle this sort of thing?

Sorry for waffling. Thoughts welcome.

Gatorade, regular exerciser, my pecs are strong, chest very perky all things considered. No smoking, no sunbathing....annoying. It does seem to be something that not many women my age have.

Floisme, not sure when you there's more pressure if you're into clothes and fashion? Totally get your points though, it's going to happen so for me, better to just accept it I think.

butterfly Because fashion is obsessed with looking younger and if you don't go along with that - and I'm trying not to - you end up wondering what the hell you're doing there.

For example, I like reading fashion magazines yet they're stuffed with anti ageing nonsense and there's not a single model who's anywhere near my age (except for Weekend Guardian). Or I hang out on Style on Beauty but then wonder why I'm bothering because every other thread is about how to look younger.

So I'm into fashion but fashion idoesn't seem to be into people like me.

41 here. I decided a while back to let my hair go grey naturally and put all my effort into exercise, diet, skincare, teeth and keeping my wardrobe fairly modern.

Yy to fashion being youth obsessed. I do think you need to view it as something fun. I do use Pinterest (maybe to much) to get inspiration for women who look fabulous who are older.

I hope I'm more inspired by looking healthy (rather than young) and strong/fit (than skinny). Healthy diet and exercise will always make you look better anyway.

quirky pinterest is great for this sort of thing. I've decided I need to aim for the sarah harris / kirsten mcmenamy / daphne self look but scruffier

Luckily I do see women all the time in real life who look their age and look great. There was someone in the coffee shop the other day with long grey hair and fierce glasses. She looked amazing and I nearly asked her if I could take her photo.

meglet you sound very cool! I think I am probably in the scruffier range too. Sarah Harris looks stunning.

41 here and I wouldn't say that I'm obsessed with looking younger but I do like to make the best of what I have if I can. I would never go down the surgery/Botox route personally though.

Hair is blonde but darkening with age but does lighten innthe sun. I can't be bothered with the faff and expense of highlights so doubt I'll ever do that. Not sure if i'll go grey or just get a darker blonde. My skin is ok. A few wrinkles, softening around the neckline/jaw. What gets me down the most is the spots that I get prememstrually on my chin. I suffered with these in my teens and now that I'm perimenopausal IM getting them again.

The other thing I hate is my thickened waistline. Sometimes I look innthe mirror and see an old lady staring back because of the weight here. It doesn't disappear as easily as it used to and I have to work harder and watch what I eat so much more than in my 30s. I do exercise both for fitness and to keep slim. I like being fit and toned.

I love clothes/style/fashion and spend far too long on here and Pinterest etc. as I've got older there seems to be less and less that I can get away with but ive found my style and I'm happy with it. I love following trends although don't necessarily wear them.

All in all im happy and think I don't look bad for a 41 year old mum of 3. I don't feel a huge amount of pressure to look young and do what I do for myself rather than anyone else.

Thank you for your thoughts, everyone. I think you've helped me figure something out...one reason I'm thrown is that, with a total lack of interest in this stuff, it hadn't even occurred to me that I might feel bad about ageing. But reading through the cmoments makes me realise I don't want to start spending time and effort and I'm probably just feeling pressured because my friends are all making an effort. I just had a drink with one friend who told me about her plan for managing grey hair and I thought, this is not for me. I think as long as I'm fit and healthy, that will have to be enough. Developing an interest in clothes and make up isn't going to happen.

Thanks all