In your opinion what details do you think makes a really elegant Mother of the Bride ?

[Tia4]

What do you notice? Is it her outfit - low key better than OTT? Is it her inate style or her general demeanor? Could it even be the accessories?! Has any lady made you think 'wow!' or 'gorgeous!'? And can you tell I'm fishing for ideas and advice?!!!

Well cut clothes, that hang beautifully and are in a colour that suits the mother of the bride. Comfortable shoes. My mother had a three inch heel for the church and photographs and switched to the same colour with a kitten heel for the reception.

Think too about colouring. I am a summer and suit blues/pinks/heathers - my mother is an autumn so can't do those colours at all. She wore a soft coral dress and coat at my wedding - very simple, very plain and the dress was equally nice without the coat. It was very expensive but she wore the dress for years afterwards.

Just to add that shoes will be classic style but the search is on for a really gorgeous clutch bag. I fancy a soft jewelled clutch rather than the usual envelope style - I need room in there!

I think the best are those who haven't gone to a shop, said "I am the mother of the bride" and had "mother of the bride" outfits brought to them. IME, the majority of mothers of brides have been in boxy jackets or drapey outfits in pastel shades and massive hats which look uncomfortable & annoying (remember you are likely to be kissing a lot of people). I also thought Carole Middleton looked amazing but most of the MOB I know are shorter or fatter or less toned than her and would have simply looked boxy. The MOB who have stood out have been those who have worn a dressier version of something they would usually wear and are wearing good jewelry. One MOB was in a simple wrap dress but it suited her perfectly & she had well chosen accessories. And wear comfortable shoes, or at least have ones you can change into.
I also think the MOB should think about how she is going to arrive at church. I have seen too many embarrassed scuttles and "look at me" stride. The ones I have admired are those who have stopped to chat on the way down the aisle (although that can take forever) or have been escorted down by an usher walking at a normal pace who has then returned to his other duties.

Do you need room in your clutch bag? Can't you just have lipstick, tissues and nail scissors in your clutch and then have a proper handbag with everything else in which you just leave and go to when you need things from it?

My mum wore a rather understated trouser suit to my wedding, she really was not one for attention, but the fit of the suit made it look elegant, that and she accessorised it well by wearing the most beautiful antique gold lace shawl which was my grandmothers.

Actually that's an excellent idea - I'm sure something could be set up. My outfit will be tailored to fit and I hope the accessories will take Centre stage so to speak. I'd say I'm of average build and can do 'confident' so will try not to shuffle! I will be escorted to my seat thankfully - I'm not that confident!!!

Yes I did consider a trouser suit. One MotB I remember looked really good in hers but I have always wanted to wear a suit such as the one I've chosen

That photo is funny.

Yes I went to a wedding recently and thought wow at the mob- a family member.

A simple not overly structured dress in a gorgeous raspberry colour and a wide brim pale hat. It helped that she was very slim and elegant, it was a great look.

That's lovely to hear! Clothes hang perfectly on someone slim - I'm hoping that having my suit made will help make the best of me ...

I agree with understated and things that suit you. My mum looked amazing at my wedding. She wore a lilac cotton shift dress and matching jacket with a silver fascinator and shoes. She was very ill and passed away 5 months later but looked amazing on the day and loved every minute. I really love all the pictures of her.

Tia I'm sure it will.

The other thing is not conforming to ideas of what a motb should wear and choosing something you'll love, which it sounds like you are. I think that's why it worked so well in this case. Have a wonderful day at the wedding.

Muted colours, and nothing stupid on your head.

My mum looked great at my wedding - pink and cream, well fitting clothes that suited her really well.

My MIL, on the other hand, wore lurid purple and red from (literally) head to toe and a lovely scowl throughout the day, and she practically GLOWS in all of the photos. To be fair, though, I'm sure I wouldn't have noticed or cared if she hadn't been so horrible to me, so I'd say that a good attitude makes more difference than anything else!

A colleague of mine got a beautiful MOB outfit from Coast last year - I'd definitely suggest visiting one of their stores if you haven't already. She said she would never have chosen that outfit based on photos alone, but she realised when she visited the shop that she'd overlooked lots of stuff online that really suited her in person.

Congratulations, by the way!

My DM - who is short, rotund and not someone you would think of as elegant in general life - looked like a bloody angel to me at my wedding! She had a lovely dress made, sort of floaty but yet structured, in a really nice grey-green colour, with a matching shrug, and a gorgeous little hat, and comfy shoes, and she was just so completely thrilled about the whole day that her face was just one big smile. I think that's more important than anything - I've been to weddings where the MOB was unhappy or just plain horrible and it didn't matter what they were wearing, they still looked horrendous!

So I feel a bit of a cow saying the following and I really only feel like this in relation to my own mum and there's a massive back story.

My MIL looked very nice at my wedding in a raw silk shirt suit. I can't remember if she recycled her outfit or not from a previous occasion - I'm sure she told me and I wasn't bothered by it? She looked simple and classic (although her hat didn't really suit/compliment her outfit.) The skirt was a decent length, the blouse underneath was a lovely colour and the jacket had a nice neckline.

My mum, who I love dearly and is so sweet, was a bit of fecking nightmare.
She asked for my help because she wanted to look good next to the other side of the family - very conservative.
I 100% understood that an outfit like MIL's wouldn't work on her at all, but she had form for chosing outfits that one of the teens in our family would wear to a party and tell me how much she loved it.
I steered her away from the super floaty, pale pastel, cleavage baring sequin-y dresses and found one in a mix of one colour to compliment her hair and eyes, just above the knee - lovely legs, a bolero jacket, light coloured hat and low heels.
She then decided after showing my dad to choose something else and went to end of the spectrum and turned up in a very dark long dress with heeled ankle boots, an unflattering long sleeved cardigan and a black hat.
It covered everything apart from her decollage, not a sequin insight. It wasn't as pretty, made her look much older and dowdy and she told me it cost loads!!
Plus it was a waste of all the weekends I'd traveled up to help her when I was needed at home.

*raw silk skirt suit, not shirt. Stupid auto correct.

My mum wore black to my wedding! But she looked absolutely fab. She has pure white hair in a sharp stylish cut (has been white since her 30's). She had a black very fitted boucle chanel stuyle jacket and a long black skirt that had lots of movement in it but was fitteed across hips etc and a small black feather thing in her hair - we went shopping in london and she bought the outfit + shoes in harrods after a champagne lunch in the roof top restaurant in harvey nichols. She was very giggly buying her outfit. But it really was fabulous!

Then we came home and somewhere along the way she must have felt that she had missed out on the obligitory mother of the bride shop in our area so off she went with my dad. She phoned me that night to say that she had changed her mind about the black outfit and had found the 'most amazing "twirly" purple outfut'.....my heart sank as left to her own devices her fashion sense can be questionable.

Next time I was home she modelled the new outfit for me - oh sweet jesus - it was lurid shiney crinkle material with a HUGE gathered waist and a handkerchief hem and she looked like a ship in full sail in it - seriously unflattering! I don't know how they allowed her out in it. I was practically in tears as she was insisting she was wearing it as she loved the "swingy" skirt and the colour.

I think my dad must have worked on her as she arrived on the day in the black outfit and looked a million dollars in it. Now she admits that she is glad she didn't wear the purple tent!

If I was a MOB I would opt for a simple fitted shift dress and a coat with elegant heels and nice accessories.

I know one MOB who totally outshone her daughter by arriving in a FLOOR length silver gala gown with a cape over it and long gloves hahahah!

Have you decided on a hat / no hat, OP?

Oh thank you all for those lovely messages! Already I feel more confident in my choice of outfit after reading your comments. I have never worn a hat before but have found that I suit some styles and the suit would look better for I'm sure. It's the practicality of wearing one that's delaying a decision though - managing to land those polite kisses without taking someone's eye out or knocking the hat off altogether :)

My mom looked awesome at my wedding; she wore a shift dress in a really nice shade of champagne, with some embellishments (feathers on the hem, but they were tiny and blended so not outrageous!), and a hat.

Now, what she wore to my DB's wedding...that was another story.

At our wedding my MIL was too formal. (In a suit and a hat.) My DM was too casual. Her favourite dress. So somewhere between those two I'd say.

No advice, but I really want to go to the weddings that Laurie has been to

I'd love to see footage of all these weddings!!! I know each and everyone of those mothers will have felt really special in their own eyes and I suppose that matters a lot ?

Hello all! I wanted to pop back to this thread to say a huge thank you to you all. Only three weeks to go now and I'm all set :-) Without giving anything away, I have gone for a "me" suit in soft crepe, really classic accessories and, yes, a hat!!!! I loved the way your replies were very similar in preferences/observations and it confirmed my instinct which told me that "understated" was the way to go. Thanks again :-)

Out of interest, what shops do MOB's tend to go for? Is there a favoured brand or a shop which has a wide range of suitable garments? I think I'd be stumped as the High Street isn't glam enough, M&S a bit frumpy etc.

Hi, my favourite places were actually the huge department stores which have all the designer stuff as well as high street brands. I saw some lovely stuff but I was only shopping for accessories so had to walk away from the rows and rows of gorgeous clothes :-) Monsoon is a lovely shop as is Coast if you're after traditional MoB choices but don't be put off the little independent boutiques either - the staff were so lovely once I ventured in. Hope you find something fab!