What should I do with DD's top?

[janethefirst]

DD has returned from a successful shopping trip (as she puts it) with a friend. She showed me what she got and I told her outright that one of the tops she bought was inappropriate. It is a bralette that she originally said she was going to where under an open shirt and by itself when it gets warmer but backtracked after she saw the look on my face. This is the top. I think this top is too short to wear for a 14 year old and would look better underneath something. But I can just picture DD sneaking out of the house with it under a jumper and then removing the jumper the minute she's out of sight. Should I make her return it or what should I do? Am I being a prude?

Have you told your daughter that it would look better underneath something? Tell her that you are only looking out for her and you don't wan't her to be labelled as something she is not. I agree that the top would probably look better and should be treated as a bra, especially at 14!

You sound shocked and as if she wouldn't normally do this. Do you think the friend may have a little influence on her?

It looks like underwear . I think I'd need to point out to my DD that, rightly or wrongly, people do judge on appearances. I just showed it my 13yo DD and she said 'it looks very............uncomfortable'. She couldn't say what she didn't like about it, just that she wouldn't wear it.

It is underwear isn't it? It's modelled as underwear and called a bralette. It's not a 'top'! Although I have no idea how you stop her wearing it anyway. What does she have in the way of boobs?

My DD (age 17) has a few of those to wear under sheer tops for modesty. It is definitely underwear!

I agree with you all and was just checking I wasn't being unfair. She does have boobs though TheAwfulDaughter she's a 32B, but still I don't think it's suitable.I will probably return it for her when I'm next in town.

Can you point out to her that it's in the 'underwear and lingerie' section of the website?
It would look great with a low back top or dress layered over, so it shows off the lacy back section but not everything else. Does she have anything like that?

Eg.... m.asos.com/mt/www.asos.com/asos/asos-vest-with-low-scoop-back/prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3470269&clr=Black&SearchQuery=low+back+top&un_jtt_v_frompage=0&pge=1&pgesize=50&totalstyle=14

That's a bra! It's in the lingerie section of the shop. Don't let her keep it if she thinks it's a bloody top! You need to prevent her from making a very bad fashion mistake.

I personally blame Kylie Jenner for this new "wear nothing" fashion in young girls these days. It's disgusting.

Have you seen top left it says underwear/sleepwear/bras so it's a bra.its the lace that makes it look OTT in my opinion, if it were fabric it wouldn't look half as bad. I've seen girls wearing them round here with jeans and a check shirt, like crop,tops, but that one just looks like a bra.

That's underwear

UNDER something else WEAR

Ask her why she feels the need to show off so much skin....

This is the bizarre thing, normally she is fairly modest with what she wears. If she wears a cropped top- she will wear high waisted jeans to fill the gap. I don't want to blame other children but I think it could be her friend.

She doesn't really have anything to wear it with. So, I am returning it on Friday when I am next at the shopping centre. She has complained, begged and pleaded but I don't want my daughter being called a tart tbh.....

Both DDs and quite a few of their friends have lace bralets but they are definitely a bit more substantial than that. DD2 wears hers under dungarees or shirt so it's peeking out, DD1 with a midi skirt.

Topshop and Missguided have several, could you offer to get a different, more outerwear one with the refund money?

Was in Hollister with similar age DD yesterday. they are displaying lots of bralettes layered under other tops, definitely not as a wear alone thing.

Ok it is underwear - that's why it is in the "intimates" section.

It sounds like this is out of character for your DD - have you talked to her about the fact it is underwear and only to be worn as such? Does she agree?

Personally I wouldn't take it back as you have allowed her the freedom to shop with her friend and make her own choices. I think to return it would make her feel belittled. Is there a halfway house? Will she promise to have it under something only? Do you think she will keep that promise?

Could you agree that if you discover that she has been wearing it as outerwear then she will no longer be allowed out clothes shopping with friends as she is too irresponsible and you will have to go with her to buy any new clothes?

I think it is a really difficult situation.

Also I don't think you are being a prude and agree with the suggestions about it exchanging it for something that is outerwear that she likes?

Also agree that children like Kylie Jenner dressing like playboy models is normalising this type of dressing for younger teens.