To spend or not to spend, that is the question...

[Notcontent]

Does anyone get this - you see something and you get a big obsessed with it, thinking your whole wadrobe/life will be better of you can only own that item... I seem to do that all the time. I don't need any new clothes right now - have lots of nice nice things - but just feel this compulsion... But I know I shouldn't, and instead enjoy having some money left at the end of the month...

I imagine many people feel this to a degree- trying to galvanise this desire is what drives advertising and keeps us all endlessly consuming. You are not alone!

'how to give up shopping ' by neradine tisaj is a short little book that examines what drives us to replicate purchases and how the impulse to buy things -especially clothes-can arise from a desire to fill a deeper void in our lives.

For some people though,bewildered there is a bit more to it than taking up running and learning the piano. They are over- shopping because they feel inadequate or insecure and there is a sort of 'cinderella' phenomenon prevailing which makes the person feel, subconsciously, this particular coat or new pair of shoes will 'fix' things

Yes, you are both spot on. I am very aware that there is deep void in my life which I try to fill with things, although keeping busy with other things helps.

And, as a flip side to this, some of us spend lots on clothes and make up purely because we like to do so- no void or anything like that.

Ahh, yes, Boomf, but why do you like to spend money on clothes? I'm not bring critical; I'm always wasting money on all kinds of unnecessary crap - but there is always a reason behind liking to do things. Especially something as irrational as buying stuff you don't actually need.

Hmm, I'm not entirely sure! I AM sure that I dont hate myself or have a deep emotional void to fill so my best guess is that I just love to own beautiful pretty things. I've always always been the same so can't see me changing any time soon!

I am however considering that I absolutely do not need to buy any more make up, so I'll give you that

I think having to own more and more beautiful things, when you have plenty, is psychologically unhealthy though. Consumerism breeds discontent. And very possibly if someone is unhappy about other things, buying a new X or Y can seem like a panacea. The difficulty is that the wellbeing it confers is always temporary...

I like to buy nice things, I love actually looking in shops, bringing it hem and getting it all out to look.
At this point I lose interest and chuck it in the wardrobe often never to be worn - no idea why but there must be something going on there psychologically.
Luckily I have it under control now and while I buy things I dont need I don't buy things I can't afford so although it's a waste of money it doesn't really impact my life, although it has pretty badly in the past.

I think for me it's often sort of aspirational - I will imagine what my life will be like when I wear that outfit and how perfect it will be.
Of course it's totally rubbish really and I know none of the previous purchases had the desired effect. And another side is that I somehow convince myself that skirt is the best one I've ever seen and I must buy it because there'll never be one like it anymore.

Around January I decided that what I needed was a Brora cashmere boyfriend cardigan. I tried it on, I loved it, I wanted it beyond belief, but it was so very very expensive. Instead I bought a big Toast cardigan, a vintage aran cardigan , a Cos red cardigan and a Cos black cardigan. but I still felt unsatisfied ( and by then I'd spent more on cardigans than the Brora one cost anyway.)
DH knew I still wanted the Brora cardigan and bought it for me in the sale.
It is in the wardrobe unworn. The only one I wear regularly is the vintage aran that cost £34. I think I need therapy.

Brora has that effect on me too, higgle. With some relief I know that none of their new spring/ summer colours would actually suit me...so none of the usual hankering

I have this syndrome too. Just one more top or jumper will complete my wardrobe.. Though it never does. I also buy for a fantasy lifestyle and also cos I love to own beautiful things. I think they're all worrying reasons tbh
I agree that consumerism breeds discontent

I am glad I am not the only one! I so agree with everything that has been said - you imagine yourself wearing the item, etc. It's very much aspirational and nothing to do with reality.

Hush has the worst effect on me for this! I like how they style the clothes, I love how the model looks wearing them and , crucially, I love the clothes! They also make it very easy for you to buy whole 'looks'
As a direct result of all of this clever marketing, I probably own half the bloody website. I do absolutely love it though so that's something! I'm the same with Cult Beauty.

Higgle, I do that too. I really wanted some Pistol Boots. Instead of just biting the bullet and buying them, I spent the same amount of money on about four pairs that were dupes but just not the same. I eventually just bought the damn things but the end result was I now have rather a lot of the same kind of thing

I always have at least one thing, usually more, that I'm obsessing about, whether it is something very specific (currently a Russell & Bromley gold cross body bag, and a White broderie anglaise dress from Winser London, £155 and £175 respectively, so definitely investment buys), or a bit less defined (shall I buy a new pair if Supergas? Do I need them? What colour shall I get? Etc etc), I look on websites, put things in my basket and kind of 'test' myself by not buying them.

One thing I have realised though, is that once I stopped mainly buying clothes in the sales, I have ironically saved a lot of money. I now try to identify what I actually need and buy that, even if there are 4 dresses in the Whistles sale that would be more fun to buy,plus they would have the thrill of being bargains. Something else that is helping me a but is that I write down everything I buy - I started doing this in 2013 and it was really clear that the things I bought but didn't wear were mainly purchased because they were cheap (Toast archive sale is a killer for me), not because I needed them. I now have a running list that I add to whenever I have a whim - the latest addition is some Astley Clarke rings and bracelets. That helps me a bit in making sense of my urges, and working out which I should pursue and which are just stupid.

I honestly think I will always be obsessed with lovely new things though, I really can't see a time when I won't be.

I have loved some things so much that initial first flush, and have invested so much, psychologically, in them being -ahem- life changing, that I have bought more than one identical cardigan/ pair of shoes/ t shirt. Same colour, size etc.
Only to discover ( again) that this item was not the mythical fix I had imagined. I have done this more than once and still fight the urge...

I'm definitely like this with makeup. I see this must have product advertised and believe I've simply got to have it. Quite often I'll get it home and try it out and it never gets used again
I'm not quite so bad with clothes though.

I used to be like this but then thought about all the "stuff" I had bought and it didn't actually make my life any better and I had so many clothes but yet I still wasn't happy it was a horrible feeling. Decided to concentrate on experiences so now save up to go travelling and for days out with family and friends we will go hiking in the Peak District and have a pub lunch. In the summer will get the tent out and spend cheap weekends away.

It's a difficult cycle to break but it can be done. I stopped reading fashion magazines and that helped me a lot.